Monday, December 21, 2009

Happy Holidays (Day 34)

Normally I would be on suicide watch right now as this morning the scale showed an unimpressive weight gain of one pound (one measly pound, how I loathe thee), but surprisingly I am still in great spirits and an not defeated by said pound. Why? Because it is Christmas, and I have not had any desire to binge on all the yummy sweets and treats all over the place. I am totally going to kick this Holiday Season’s ass!

Today, at my lovely office (which we all know is a Mecca for unhealthyness) I saw this weird bright yellow with red dots shaped like a large doughnut. When I got closer, I realized it was a supersized rice krispie treat, but it was made with microwave buttery popcorn and jujubes in place of the krispies. I am serious. Who eats this stuff?

This massive popcorn train wreck shared the table with about 6 boxes of almost empty chocolates, tarts, cupcakes, cookies, fudge, and fruitcake....I don’t know who eats fruitcake, but it was half gone, so someone must. I think it is weird and reminds me of a senior citizens home. I cannot get over how much food is revolving through our doors, we must have secret eaters that stow the food away in their pockets and then privately mow down in their office and cubicles.

So what do you do when an 80 year old client comes into the office and brings in a plate of shortbread cookies that his wife made for us, but she couldn’t make it to the office today as the weather was so bad, so her husband brought the plate of crumbly buttery shortbread into the office for her, making the special trip JUST because Mrs. 80 year old wanted to share her family recipe for shortbread with us.


I lied and said I had a piece of gum in my mouth, and then pretended to ‘chew’, but took TWO pieces of shortbread from the plate and placed them in a napkin and said I would eat them for dessert after my lunch. Really, I threw them in the garbage. What? It was a big plate, everyone got a piece! I didn’t want to hurt their feelings; you know what old people and food are like.

Stay strong over the holidays! We can do it!

I hope everyone has a great happy and safe holiday season filled with the ones you love. Next blog will be January 4, 2010. See you in two weeks (hopefully a skinnier me will see you in two weeks).

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Day 30!!!! One Month IN! I made it :)

After a month of eating super healthy, I am starting to get sick of the same healthy meals over and over again. In January, I am going to post a few of my favourite healthy meals and snacks, and would love to encourage any readers to send in any of their favourite healthy snacks/meals. Send your favourites to and I will happily post them and give credit.

As we know, variety is the spice of life. If I am eating 6 small meals a day, that is 2,190 meals a year. If I am eating over two thousand meals, I think it would benefit me to learn as many different ones as I can so I don't get bored with the same thing. I am always on the lookout for new recipes, ideas, tips, and tricks to keep the variety level high.

I often wonder how many other people out there are just like me. We eat healthy, we exercise, we know what is bad for us and what is good for us, so why are we still not losing the weight we need? I watch all these TV shows with these fatties that eat chips and cookies every night, while they sit in front of the TV, and eat things like pizza, KFC, Chinese food, greasy store bought microwave lasagne, and burgers and fries for super. I mean, come on, CLEARY these people are fat for a reason.

But what about the rest of us? The ones who order the grilled chicken with no mayo on whole wheat bread with a salad, dressing on the side.

Who don't drink juice because who wants to drink their calories?

Who don't eat out at fast food places and have dessert after every meal.

Who take vitamins, drink lots of water, and are active.

I mean, sure...we are not huge fatties like the KFC guzzlers who think things like chicken broccoli alfredo is healthy because it has broccoli in it. Um, news flash, just because you put a vegetable on something, doesn't annihilate the rest of the fat and badness located in your meal. Think about having a cigarette that has calcium added to it. One time my aunt told her little granddaughter that she was so proud of her for eating spinach dip because it was really healthy for her. Mayo mixed with melted butter, additives, and a few leaves of chopped spinach, on top of a bacon dipper cracker. yes, so very healthy.

Sorry, I got of track there, so yes. What about the rest of us who know what is healthy and what isn't. We would be shocked to learn how much crap we are consuming along with all our goodness.

So send those recipes in! Don’t forget to put your name at the bottom so I know who to thank. Please send in actual recipes, not just snack ideas, actual recipes.
Send those recipes in by February 28, 2010.
Thank you so much.

(Fit Bitch will be on Christmas Vacation soon!)

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Day 29 Go to the gym please

I am a massive klutz. Embarrassing things happen to me all the time, and really I should have a reality show. There would be a whole clip show of my gym bloopers.


I was watching the show ‘Friends’ while I was on the elliptical and laughed out loud so hard that I snorted.

I fell OFF that stupid BOSU ball. Like, right off. On to the floor.

I was swimming laps, and swam right into the wall

I slipped on my way into the hot tub

My bathing suit made a “farting” sound when I sat down in the steam room

After my shower, I was wrapped in a towel and had my hair up in a towel and hit the shower button with my elbow and got completely soaked

So, if anyone out there doesn’t want to go to the gym because they thing they will look stupid and make a fool out of themselves....just come with me.

I feel bad for girls who are worried that they will make a fool of themselves, or they will mess up in the classes, or not know how to use equipment, or just do something wrong. They don’t need to. There are people there all the time that make mistakes, and a little secret? Most people at the gym, LIKE to show you how to use something, or do something, it makes them feel like they are a pro. Plus, everyone has to learn.

The other not going to the gym excuse I don’t get is when people say they would like to lose some weight before going to the gym. What? Do you also clean your house before the maid comes?

There are a lot of out of shape people at the gym. Do not worry about that, everyone wants to see someone try. I have the cutest little old lady at my gym walking at a snail’s pace on the treadmill, it is just adorable. So just get out there and try. You will be surprise how non-embarrassed you will be. And if you are still worried about being embarrassed, just come to my gym and work out near me.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Day 28 How bad do you want it?

In my life not only have I dieted many times, I have also seen my friends try different diet and fail, I have seen many bogus diets advertised, and I am not sure why the public cannot figure out that these diets are all the same.
The diets that restrict your calories? I am sure you know what I am hinting at: Have a shake for breakfast and lunch, and then have a healthy supper. Have a bar for your first two meals and then have a healthy supper. Pay us money and we will ship frozen or canned food to you and you will eat it and lose weight. Have this cereal for two meals, and then have a healthy supper. Eat only this soup, eat only fruits, don’t eat any carbs, don’t eat any fat, eat a lot of calories this day, and then eat none the next.

Why are there so many of the same types of diets out there failing men and woman? Doesn’t the general public realize they are all the same? All these diets are doing is restricting your calorie intake, it doesn’t matter how they do it or what they feed you, if you eat less calories than you expend then you will lose weight, it is clear and simple math and any idiot can figure this out.

While I am all for monitoring how many calories you consume to a degree, restricting your caloric intake with crap food so you lose weight does not make you healthy. Just because you are skinny doesn’t mean you are healthy. Why on earth would anyone pay a company a lot of money to send them canned and frozen food when they could just take some time and learn how to eat properly?

One of my old bosses (who was obese) joined a company (nutri-something-can’t say as not to be sued) and she would eat a can of soup for lunch that was so small I bet I could hold the contents of that can in one palm.

I would die if I could only eat a handful of crap a few times a day. With all the information out there, why is it that people can’t educate themselves properly to eat properly on their own?  How long can you continue eating the same canned soup for?  That old boss?  She is still obese.

Lazy. Yep, they don’t want to take the time to learn, make their own food, and be responsible for their own actions.  Of course it is easier to grab junk or not worry about adding the mayo and extra cheese to your whole wheat chicken sandwich.

How bad do you want to lose weight? How bad do you want to be healthy? Bad enough to spend an extra 30 minutes in the morning packing your food for your day at work? Do you want it bad enough that you drag your tired butt to the gym in the freezing cold? Bad enough to get up early and run? Bad enough that you CHANGE?

I am so sick of hearing everyone’s excuses:

“But I don’t have time to go to the gym”
MAKE TIME or workout in your home

“I don’t have the money for work out machines”
There are TONNES of exercises you can do without weights or machines, just your body.

“I don’t have the time to make my meals everyday”
What about the 5 hours your sit on your ass in front of the TV?

“I have no will power”
Please! Then you don’t want it bad enough

“It takes sooooo long to lose weight”
Well then be fat forever and shut up. You have 60 years left in your life and you can’t take a few months to smarten up?

“But Mcdonalds is soooo tasty”
You are killing yourself and I am dumber for having listened to you.

Losing weight, getting in shape, being healthy is hard. If it wasn’t? Well then everyone would be healthy and fit and no one would wear control top panty hose. It is easier to say “screw it, I will deal with what I am”. And, hey, if you are happy with yourself, great! But if you aren’t? Well, make that change.

How bad do you want it?

Day 27 find your healthy buddy

Weigh in day (booooo)
1 lb lighter (boooo)

Well, I must say, I thought it would be more, but I am happy not to gain. The losing weight wall, it seems to hit you harder each time you try.

Yesterday was truly the hardest day so far. Almost a month of being a little health food angel I seriously debated having a Caesar salad and white buttery garlic bread.

Everyone knows how hard I am trying and how committed I am...but when a falter came I mostly heard the following:
“Oh you have been so good, one bad meal won’t hurt.”
“Why don’t you have one cheat day a week?”
“After four weeks you deserve a little treat!”

That is not what I want to hear, I don’t want to hear people condoning the “bad behaviour” or giving me “permission to slip”. This is something I am committed to; I mean...I have to write about it in a blog for Christ sakes. It is The Get Fit Project, that doesn’t entail eating what you want and seeing what happens. I am trying to make hard core positive change but the response I get from most people isn’t “good for you” or “Wow that sounds really hard, you must have huge determination”. Instead I am inundated with questions:

“So you don’t eat ANY sugar?”
“But you already eat healthy.”
“Well just have one chocolate, one won’t hurt.”
“So nothing white you eat? Apples are white on the inside.”
“Are you doing this for health reasons, are you sick?”
“What do you mean you don’t eat over processed food?”
And my number one favourite: “You aren’t Fat!”

Yes, I know I am not a huge fatty, thank you for pointing that out to me. Perhaps you could tell me the colour of my hair? I am a little unsure. You are right; probably only fat people should eat healthy, skinny people shouldn’t bother to eat healthy, what’s the point? ARRRRHHHHGGG

I think this would be easier if I were REALLY fat. Do people force food on fat people?

So, frustrated with all this I was having a mini pity party when I received the following three motivational emails:

You cannot lose your focus because you are doing amazing and motivating other people with your blog and awesomeness. Now, f*ck right off and stay on that wagon.

If you stop now your whole month of strict work will go down the tubes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Keep going so by the end of winter you will be super skinny for spring dresses!!!!!

Now that you are 30 you need to be hot and thin so 20 year olds don't steal your man.

Clearly these emails are from someone who knows how hard it is to do this and can understand the humour that is involved in the constant battle of the bulge. (No, I am not afraid of losing my man to a 20 year old, it is the comedy of the comment.) I appreciate this type of motivation, knowing that there is someone else that will push you, and tell you the way it is, not pat you on the back and say “hey, eat this chocolate double fudge cookie, then we can be fat together and I won’t have to hear you bitch about how you found added sugar in everything you try to buy or that you want organic this and that.”

This is the ‘Fit Bitch Blog’. Not ‘Compassion for Fatties’ blog. It is being hard core super healthy fit wannabe, not being somewhat healthy most days and then being a food dummy on the weekends.

Yes, I get it. If you eat healthy if won’t hurt to have something bad once in a while, or maybe it will be hard to keep this up forever. But save that talk for when I am 20 lbs lighter, not when I barely make it over the 10lbs gone mark.

Are you trying to make a positive change in your life? Find that friend, the one that won’t give in with you. The one that will kick your butt out of bed for that 6 am run. Give you recipes that she found, or work out tips. The one that will remind you how you felt like an obese slob the last time you had a bikini on. You are eating healthy and working out. There is nothing wrong with that. Don’t listen to the naysayers. Listen to the people that are there to help you.

You know the old adage: “You can’t fly with the eagles if you are hanging out with the pigeons”

Eagles: Fit slim super healthy people, motivated people, people you want to be like
Pigeons: Fatties, unhealthy people, ignorant people

Find your healthy sponsor.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Christmas is coming! (Day 23)

I feel as if something is going to give this month, with Christmas just a mere 2 weeks away, the office has started with the abundance of sweets and treats.
I advised my office that I am, *ahem* "busy" on the staff party dinner night which includes the usual holiday feast: turkey soaked in gravy with mashed butter and potato slop, carrots (also coated in butter) and cranberry sugar goodness...I mean badness, and the yummiest, oh I mean the yuckiest...Stuffing.

Stuffing has all the tasty awfulness that makes Christmas and Thanksgiving the two days of the year where you eat only one meal, but yet consume enough calories to make up six meals. Now, I am not sure if you are used to dry stupid stuffing like I used to have when I was a kid, but the kind I am used too now (and need to have) is so fregging yummy, that it is hard to turn away.

Except this year. Because I am not making it, nor am I going anywhere that serves it. Sorry office, I regret to inform you I am busy the night of the Staff Christmas Party, I have a prior engagement (by prior I mean fictitious). No unlimited dessert table for me this year.

"What's wrong with Christmas dinner? Turkey and vegetables are good for you"

Yes, correct you are missy, but I really don’t think most people have turkey that isn't doing the backstroke in gravy, or veggies that haven't been mashed up with equal parts butter, and what is this yam potato with marshmallow fluff I hear so much about, it sounds like a dessert, but apparently people eat this as a dinner side. The sound of it makes me want to hurl. What if some of the fluff touches your turkey or gravy? ew.

Healthy option for Christmas diner?
1. No Gravy. Flour, fat, and salt? NO!
2. Roast your potatoes with spices and olive oil do not mash them with butter.
3. Have mashed yams/sweet potatoes (do not add butter or weird fluffy mallow).
4. Roasted squash.
5. Roasted turkey or chicken is good. Do not coat it in fat. I once saw a turkey that was covered in bacon, why was this done? To keep the moisture in. Well, if you learn how to cook a turkey right, it won’t be dry.
6. Have steamed veggies! Who says you can’t have asparagus with turkey?
7. Side salad? Yum!
8. Roasted apple for dessert, use cinnamon, nutmeg, walnuts, raisins, etc.
9. No nog.
10. Um, don’t sit next to the chocolates.

An average basic turkey dinner can yield over 1000 calories. This does not included a lot of butter or gravy, and definitely doesn’t include candied yam marshmallow, or casseroles, or anything “extra”. Add to this the before dinner treats, the after dinner dessert, the liquor, the second or third helping, and you can easily indulge in over 5000 calories for one evening.

You best get your butt to the gym for a 20 hour workout before, and after, this meal.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Rock that Tree Pose (Day 22)

Sorry about the disturbing picture, I just had to share it.

I have an ongoing love hate relationship with yoga. Most yoga classes I have attended have many things wrong with them, such as:
Really bright lights
Really hard floor
Instructors with annoying voices
A breathasaurus rex downward dogging beside me

However there are a few just fabulous yoga classes which take place in specific yoga rooms, for just yoga, not the multi-purpose room that doubles as a spin/step/BOSU/weight/cardio-jazz class.

When entering these yoga specific rooms, immediately you feel a calm descend over you. The lights are dim and not shining through your eyelids, the floor is soft wood, there is nice walls covered in soothing material, real bamboo plants, and perhaps a water fountain. The room is kept at a nice warm temperature and not the same cooler temperature as the rest of the gym, and if the yoga instructor is hot, well, that is just a bonus.

Alas, this was not the class I went to tonight.

Same room where spin/stupid BOSU/Jazzercise/and everything else is held, cold, bright, and my instructor? Well she is cute and little with a non-annoying voice. Yay!

I don’t know anyone at my new gym, so I am always trying to make new friends. A normal looking gal wearing the same back capris as I am, rolls out her cute flowered yoga mat next to me, and I say “ I like your yoga mat”, she doesn’t even say thank you, just looks at my mat (well, the gyms mat, that’s right, I don’t have my own yoga mat, I am a minority) and walks away to get a foam block.


I am scoping out the class and sizing up everyone in my head...lets see...pot smoker, poser, real yoga liker, can’t hold her child’s pose well and looks like she is getting ready for another activity and perhaps wondered into the wrong class, what the hell is that man doing here, man that girl can REALLY lift her leg.

Most times I find I get bored in yoga class, I do understand that I am there to relax as well as flexibility and strength training, but I don’t want to lay around next to all these people any longer than I have to (especially Ms. Bitch Nice Mat who keeps stretching over into my personal space). My gosh it is cold in here, I can see my instructors nips and so can the creepy old man in the front row. Ew. Is the guy behind me staring at me ass?

I need to develop my own classes, and record myself and then play it and watch me yell at myself and I will take the class by myself so no one gets in my space or snubs me with their superior yoga mat.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Day 21 (Circuit Class)

Remember a few entries ago when I totally bashed a lame-o BOSU class I took? Well Karma came around and hit me hard in the ass today.

My new favourite instructor in the whole wide world is so toned I am sure I could bounce quarters off her stomach. Nothing on her wiggles at any time, and she could probably bench me with one hand while doing backward clap push ups.

Class starts off with some quick step cardio. Fun and challenging but thankfully not to choreographed (thank god!) I would fall over my two left feet if I had to handle anything more than step, v-step, march in place. (I can't even make my hands work the same time as my legs, I must look like a back pain relief commercial.) I am glad most dance aerobics classes have stayed circa 1980 along with those dreadful leotards, bathing suit looking things, awful headbands, and coloured leggings over white sneakers. Can you imagine working out in that get up? Wedgie central I am sure.

After our warm up? Intense circuit training with 3 cardio drills in between. Oh My God.

I learned things to do that I never would fathom to do on my own, and I found muscles that I didn't know existed. Circuit stations ranged from push up (not the wimpy girl push ups I am so used to, but the full on all the way down real push ups with one hand balanced on a medicine ball to maximize every balancing inch in my body), burpees and shinnies that I haven't done since high school track practice, and a little thing called the "inchworm" which made me realize that my shoulders have clearly never been worked out to their full capacity.

After dropping and holding planks more times that I can remember, my entire core has a satisfying ache that now makes me shake uncontrollably in my ‘arms over my head as it is tougher’ v-sit, I wince in frustration that my abs are giving out on me, and I hear:


I want to punch her......but I love her for pushing me (I am a super fit wannabe you know).

Circuit classes are an amazing way to push you further. You can alter certain moves and workouts and go faster on the drills to push yourself harder. You don’t have to focus on anything other than doing your best and pushing yourself. The instructor will tell you when to move, what you are doing wrong, what you are doing right, when your halfway, when to switch. Combining cardiovascular fitness along with resistance training in an hour class, switching between the two, can provide a great full body workout. Keeps your heart rate up and provides a variety of different workouts at a short period of time each, so you don’t get bored. If you are looking for a class to give you a full workout, I recommend one such as this.

I have to go back on Thursday (shudder).

Monday, December 7, 2009

Day 20 (WEIGH IN DAY!)

For the first time ever in my whole life, I was excited to weigh myself. Why? Because I ate nothing but the best all-natural, organic when I could, no added ingredients to anything food all week (even my favourite pasta sauce had added sugar...why? Why does pasta sauce require sugar added? Needless to say I have a new favourite pasta sauce now, also a favourite new yogurt, canned tuna, soy milk, protein powder, pita bread, salsa, and canned veggies (added sugar to canned veggies and canned tuna? STUPID!).

I happily place the scale in front of me, and step on ever so gingerly as not to make the scale numbers spin out of whack and give me a heart attack.


drum roll please....

FOUR POUNDS LIGHTER! Haaaaaaaaaallelujah!

Now, you may be wondering what my weight is. However, due to the pressures that society has beaten in my head growing up, I do not feel comfortable divulging such information on the world wide web. You will be happy to know that I have taken "before" pictures and (gulp) a video, where I say my 'before" weight and also take my "before" measurements—Worst. Moment. Ever.

This video remains hidden in a box, under lock and key, with a secret pass code, buried in my yard. Until the day I am super fit and skinny and feel comfortable enough showing my former fatty self.

I am so happy, even despite the following:
- I woke up late and my hair is just not doing it for me today
- I poked my eye with my mascara brush leaving a huge black smudge on my eyelid that I can't seem to get 100% rid of.
- The fact that I forgot to make my super healthy lunch and had to just grab a bunch of ingredients and throw them in my bag so I wouldn't be late for work.
- The frigid temperatures outside today
- My mittens are not doing their job
- These are the wrong underwear to have on with these pants.

I am so so sooooo happy. Elated even. Losing weight is an instant upper, and my skinny high is going to last all week, motivating me even more to keep pushing really extra hard at the gym, taking the extra hours a week to prepare five small balanced extremely healthy meals a day with all the nutrients, vitamins, minerals, carbs, and protein my almost fit body desires, drinking gross plain protein powder and water after a good muscle blast workout (how I miss my chocolate flavoured protein powder), and continue going to my new love hate class at the gym (more to follow on this tremendous ass kicker).

Almost one month has passed, and ten pounds have been lost. Yessssssss.

Friday, December 4, 2009

Day 19

Expecting to see my cubicle office decorated in "YOU'RE 30" paraphernalia and cake, I was extremely happy to come to work and find a simple Happy Birthday sign and some flowers (awwww).

I thanked everyone for the flowers in lieu of cake, but as soon as those words left my mouth a colleague brought over a huge box of glazed cinnamon doughnut roll things, fresh from the bakery, so warm and squishy with melty gooppy icing.

In a huge testament of my will power and devotion to the get fit project I did not have any! Yay me. I didn’t even have any when the line “but it’s your birthday” or “but I bought them especially for you” or you have been doing so great, what’s one little doughnut?”
Instead I just said “Thank you very much for the donuts, and even though I am not eating any it will make me happy to share them with the office, and I appreciate your gesture.”

So I passed them around the office (AND when people said "no thank you" I said "OK" and walked away, I did not say "it's my birthday, you have to have one" or "one won't hurt" and it was easy to not push food down someone's throat. Now, they all better remember this the next time I say I don't want any of their food.

I have three left on my desk, I am not going to push them on someone as "there is only a few left" or “I don’t want them to go to waste”. I am going to throw them in the garbage as the people here need another doughnut like I need a fork shoved into my eye.

I did receive some flack about not having one of my own birthday donuts when someone went out and bought them for me in a snow storm, but instead chomped happily on an apple. YOU chose to get them, not me, what more do you want from me other than a thank you? To eat it and then feel miserable all day long? Would that make you feel better?

I specifically said no birthday cake; do people think doughnuts are healthier than cake? Is it because people eat them for breakfast?

Doughnut? Donut? DO NOT!

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Day 18

Today I am taking a class called BOSU Bootcamp.
Great, bootcamp means it will be hard, and I will have a mean instructor yelling at me to do "JUST FIVE MORE" and then when I do five more, she will say "THAT WAS TOO EASY GIVE ME FIVE MORE!" Then I will pant and sweat and my muscles will be so sore, but I will feel awesome and satisfied with my workout afterwards.

Good, this is what I want, I am a super healthy fit nut now, so I have to do stuff like this, not have, WANT to do stuff like this. A BOSU ball is the half balls you see around the gym, they are flat on one side and then the other side is just like a regular exercise ball.

I grab my BOSU-ball and a set of 12 lb weights, ready to give my core the sever lashing it so deserves. I look around and try to find the instructor, but don't see anyone looking bitchy enough to be a bootcamp instructor so I figure she isn't here yet, until this low voice cutey pants flower print donning hoop earring wearing long blond hair not even in a ponytail starts talking about how we are going to warm up.

Hmmm, not what I pictured as a bootcamp leader, but I am sure she will still make us push it. Right? I have a bad habit of pre judging people. I do not want anyone bigger or more out of shape then I am teaching me how to work out. You wouldn’t go to a dermatologist with an acne-wrinkle problem, or a fat nutritionist.
Our warm up starts similar to a step class, but instead of stepping on a nice hard solid surface, we are stepping up onto a BOSU Ball. Have you ever stepped on a BOSU? It is exactly like you would think, you step on it, and your ankles and feet cramp up as you are trying to stabilize yourself, my feet were so sore by the end of this class. Nothing else was sore except my feet. The whole class I spend all my time trying to balance instead of squatting and stepping and lunging and getting the work out I so desire. Now, I do understand that you use your core to balance, I am not a complete idiot, but there are other ways to engage your core while working out other than falling all over a wobbly half ball.

What is worse? At the end of the class we had to pair up and toss this stupid small ball back and forth, then we had to toss two balls, then one of us had to have our eyes closed while our partner tries to not the ball out of our hand. Then we all had milk and cookies and settled down for nap time.

I don't think you should leave an hour workout class with half a bottle of water left and no sweat on your brow. This was a waste of time, this is a class I would go to if I wanted an easy occasion to play with balls, however I can do that at home.

After class I ran for 25 minutes and then powered my oblique and abs with some kettle bell lifting and V-sits, getting twice the work out in half the time I am sure. Tomorrow I am trying a new class, wish me luck.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Day 17

Business Lunch meetings.
I hate them.
For the following reasons:
1. They are so long.
2. They always involve drinks.
3. ‘The company is paying’ so let’s eat and drink as much as we can fit into our bellies.
Today’s meeting was lunch at a pub. Pub food is not Get Fit Project friendly. Nothing on the menu looked edible to me, but my starving belly and I settled on a steak with a side garden salad. Luckily my waitress was an absolute doll and asked the chef to make sure there was no barbecue sauce, and to cook it “dry” with just pepper and garlic (it was so good) and of course I only ate 4oz of my steak, and no dressing on the salad. Everyone else filled themselves with bread, fries, beer, hi balls, pop, large steaks, poutine, deep fried something, and a dessert big enough to share with three people.
ALL THROUGH THE MEAL this is what I heard:
“Why aren’t you drinking?”
“Why don’t you want BBQ sauce?”
“No dressing on your salad?”
“Don’t you want a drink?”
“I suppose you aren’t going to have dessert either?”
“Just have a little drink.”
“Doesn’t your steak taste gross?”
“How are your mouthfuls of lettuce?”
“Do you want a martini?”
How annoying. I had enough, and had a little “snap” at one of our associates. He asked me for the billionth time why I am not drinking (apparently the answer “I don’t want any” is not acceptable, perhaps he was hopping I was pregnant—which I thought about saying, but then I would have some major explaining to do in 6 months when I am skinnier instead of fatter), I couldn’t take it anymore, with a serious face I say:
“I am a recovering alcoholic, and I would appreciate it if you stop forcing liquor on me.”
Everyone stares at me with wide eyes and I can see the guilt fill their eyes. Ha ha jerks, that shut you up. People look uncomfortable, well except the two people who know that I am not a recovering alcoholic, and of course (as they are a few drinks in) start busting out laughing and ruin my show. Now everyone is laughing (Jeeze, what if I really did have a drinking problem? You can have a drinking problem without being a full on alcoholic right?).
Why the force? Why can’t people accept the fact that I don’t want liquor? If the waitress comes over and asks me if I want a drink and I say “no” why does that open up a flood gate of questions?
When they ordered fries instead of a salad, did I ask them “why are your ordering fries and not a salad? Are you trying to gain weight?”
I think I may say this next time. In fact, I think I will.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Day 16

My new gym

I like it better thus far. But this wouldn’t be a bitch blog if that was all I had to say.

The steam room and the Hot tub are outside of the change room located in the pool area which means no more naked wrinkled old lady’s bending over and showing me their old wrinkled woohaas as they get out of the hot tub. YAY.

After my work out (where I pushed it until I almost threw up, thank you) I put on my bathing suit to go in the steam room. Happy that my tan is still lingering, I scoot over the steam room and open the door.
All men are sitting inside.
"Oops, sorry" I mumble and close the door.
Oh my gosh, how embarrassing, I walked into the men's steam room.
I walk around looking for the women's steam room.
There isn't one.
So I ask a dude standing outside the steam room if it is co-ed, he shrugs and scratches his ass (??? Why would you scratch your ass in front of a half naked woman?).
He then says "UHHH, ya, I guess so"
Does he not know what co-ed means?
No one else is around to ask and I am starting to get chilli, so I just go in.
"Um, are girls allowed in here?" I ask ever so cutely.
No one answers.
So I just go in and sit down, I figure they will tell me to leave if I shouldn't be here.
It stinks of boy in here.
I am overwhelmed by speed stick and man sweat. But I don't want to leave as I just came in, left, and then came in again. So I just bear with it, hoping that none of them fart in their super relaxed hot state.

After a satisfying steam I go back to the change room and have a shower. There are ten showers in the change room. TEN. They are all empty. I go to the furthest one and have a shower (by shower I mean let the hot water pulsate on my back for as long as I can handle it). When I am done, I open the curtain to grab my towel and am startled by this old lady standing there. RIGHT outside my shower (What the heck?).
So I finish towelling off, weirded out by this lady standing way to close to me as I was showering.
I leave the shower, and notice that the rest of the showers are empty. All of them. But this old lady needed to wait for MY shower?
Is that not weird? Why do weirdo's flock to me?

I can no longer move today as all my muscles hate me and apparently want me to die. I am currently having some “me time” watching TV and writing, I just stopped the TV on this Victoria Secret Final Two, something or other. There are about 30 girls on the TV right now, and they all look exactly the same to me. They all have long blondish wavy hair, they all are tall and stupid skinny, and they all have the exact same shade of tan. I hope they all trip.

Monday, November 30, 2009

Day 15 (Monday weigh in)

It is Monday. The dreaded weekly weigh in time. I am groggy and I want to be back in my bed. But stupid work requires me to be there for some reason.
OK, I am ready. It is just me and you scale.
I take everything off as not to skew my results (right, like my underwear and tank top weight enough to make a difference).
I step on the scale, and feel my stomach curl up into a ball of pain and pity.
No change.


After a heroic week of being completely awesome, I have not lost even a pound?
I want to die.
Well, maybe I am reading it wrong; I get off, then step on it again.
Maybe I just can't see properly, it is really early.
I crouch down with my feet still planted firmly on the scale, I am now in a drunken gargoyle position and I really hope my boyfriend does not come in here and see me posed naked like this.

No change.

Stupid scale.

Clearly it is broken. I have been SO good this week. Turning down yummy food left and right, working out, eating all natural, not eating the pizza, beer, and buttery popcorn that everyone else had Saturday night. I hate my life right now.
This means I am doing something wrong. I run down stairs (in a towel, not naked) and start going through the foods in the fridge, making sure I didn't miss anything.
Fruit, Veggies, good.
Non GMO soymilk... AH-HA evaporated cane juice. "ASSHOLE! YOU MADE ME FAT!"
In the garbage.
Turkey meat....Dextrose! DAMN YOU! Sugar??? In TURKEY??? ARRRHHHGGGG!
Cow's milk cheese, GET OUT OF HERE!
What else, what else......Whole grain sprouted grain bread...good, whole grain tortillas....good, mmm salmon...yum.
OK, so stupid turkey, soymilk, and cheese are gone. Now I will be skinny.
I drive to work in a deep depression; my whole day sucks now due to my sucky attitude and sucktacular diet.
I get to work, my manager says "Good morning, you look like you have lost weight".

Yesssssssssssss I am so happy to hear that, except I am distracted by this irking clipping sound. Does anyone else have a person who clips their nails at work? He is clipping his nails, we all hear him, and he must be taking pre-natal drugs as he clips his nails A LOT. It is gross and annoys me.

I can’t believe there is no change.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Day 14 (Confession # 1)

Work out and push it, don't just go to the gym.

Confession # 1
Sometimes I don't really go to the gym.
I go to the gym, yes.
Do I always push myself into a panting sweat? No.
Do I sometimes just walk around the gym, do a few weights, go on the stationary bike for 10 minutes, lay on the mat and do abs and stretch for 10 minutes, and then sit in the steam room for 20 minutes, and then in the hot tub for another 20 minutes, and then grab a smoothie with an extra shot of protein powder, because: Hey, I'm at the gym and I just worked out?
I spend hours there, but sometimes I don't really do too much in the way of 'gyming'.
All in all I probably burned about 100 calories, and then had a smoothie with 300 calories, so really I went to the gym and gained weight.

If I am not in a class, I am horrid. In a workout class I HAVE to push it because there are 15 other girls there pushing it and I don’t want to look like the wussy new girl who can't turn step turn.

So confession 1 is out of the way. No more half-ass workouts. Now I push myself hard, instead of meandering around hours in the gym and then pampering myself in the steam room and hot tub wasting 2 hours more than I need.
Come on, just because we are physically AT the gym, doesn't make us super healthy and fit.
Instead people are probably wondering why I am always at the gym but never getting any skinnier.

Here are my gym pet peeves:

1. Douchbaggy muscle heads who wear their stupid trucker hats cocked right while they lift weights.
2. Sluts who wear huge hoop earrings, heavy eyeliner, and have their hair done, while "working out" (by working out I mean trolling for douchbags while they do level one on the Stairmaster).
3. Any hot females who wear short shorts and a sports bra only. There are many reasons why I hate these girls, but truthfully, I want to be them.
4. People at the gym thinking that they know what they are doing, but really are being stupid, examples: Incorrectly lifting weights, stretching before they work out, not stretching properly after they work out, reading magazines on the stationary bikes going 3 miles an hour, people who bounce around on the elliptical (your head should remain still and you should WORK those legs and arms, not bounce around freely like a school girl in pig tails).
5. Pig tails.
6. Touching other peoples sweat.
7. People who fart while they are doing stomach workouts.
8. KIDS IN THE CHANGING ROOMS! Take your kids to the family room or keep them quiet next to you, do not have them next to me in the steam room asking why I have boobs or running around with their little penis hanging out dripping pee molecules in my hot tub water.
9. Gym towels. Are these things made from straw? They are scratchy and hurt my delicate skin.
10. Smelling other people
11. Having other people see me in my birthday suit.
12. Seeing other people in their birthday suit.

I have decided to join a different gym, for the many reasons above, and the fact that there are these naked women in the hot tub that position themselves ever so strategically over the lower jets, ahem, you know what I mean? So the jets hit their hoohoo?

What is gross about this (other than the obvious) is that these women don’t care if other people are in the hot tub whilst they enjoy their jet blasting alone time. This leads me to believe they must do other “private time” things in the change room. These are the same women who shave their legs in the steam room and pee in the pool I am sure.

Naked people around me in droves is weird. Yes, I know I have boobs, they have boobs, we are all female. But would it kill you to keep your bathing suit on when you leave the pool and enter the hot tub or steam room? What about when you finish showering, is it too much to wrap the towel around you? How about when you bend over and show everyone your brown starfish? What about when you are standing next to me and start a conversation with me while you are buck naked and have one of your legs propped up on the bench I am sitting on. Is that not weird for you? Can you be naked a little less? Maybe keep your nakedness to when you are showering and changing?

Maybe my new gym will be better? Stay tuned for an update.

Day 13 my apologies

Apparently I do not know how to properly save my edited post. So if you incurred some spelling mistakes in the last posts I am embarrassed and sorry.
If you incur any spelling errors in the following posts, well I don’t have an excuse other than I have fat fingers and can’t always hit the keys properly. Actually, I was typing so fast because I needed to go work out. Yes, that is what I meant to say.

Friday, November 27, 2009

Day 12

My sides are KILLING me today, I did way too many oblique exercises yesterday (well, actually I probably did just the right amount), and every time I move or laugh I am reminded of them. Also, I apologize for the short post today, but I have had a massive city-wide traffic jam today and I am getting home well after 8pm which has thrown a huge wrench into my Friday night meal plan and workout. Grrrrr.

Still no cravings yet, well that is until I came home and saw a beautiful glass of red wine waiting for me. Yes, it was very hard to not gulp it down, especially since I just spent THREE HOURS in extremely stressful traffic. But, true to my pledge to go HARD CORE, I did not have any*.

For your enjoyment, please read the following list of lunch and snack items I saw around the office today:

Chocolate pudding with Reese's Pieces mixed in (I kid you not).
Left over Kraft dinner (I know, I didn’t know adults ate this either).
PB and Jam on white bread with that gross chicken noodle soup (you know the kind with the weird perfect squares of pinkish “chicken” ) with a half sleeve of white saltines crumbled up and mixed in until it was soppy cracker mush (Ba-ARF)
And an apple (yay)

I also had the following conversation:
Me: “Can I have a veggie or fruit tray for my birthday? I really don’t want you to buy a cake I am not going to eat”
Manager: “No”
Me: “Why not?”
Manager: “Because there is a bunch of birthdays that month, and we will buy one big cake for everyone’s birthday and celebrate them all at once”
Me: “Oh, well that makes sense; can I just have a mini veggie tray for me then?”
Manager: “No”

? I don’t know if this is a joke or not, but stay tuned until cake day, or as I am now calling it “Forceful Empty Calorie Remorse Day” and we will see if the little 'inconvenience' girl gets her way.

*This is the one hard core rule will be broken for a few hours on my bday, why? Because I am turning 30!!! I told the people at my office I was 28 and that I am actually turning 29, but somehow they found out, dammit! There better not be a huge HAPPY 30TH birthday cake on my desk or I am going to seriously lose my shit).
This rule will also be broken over Christmas.
It is the ONLY rule that is allowed to be broken.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

The Afternoon Wall (Day 11)

It is almost 3pm and I am all of a sudden tired and hungry (possible the worst combination) and would fight a small child for a slice of pizza right now. I settle on eating some peanuts, not the best choice of nut for a snack, but I am standing in from of the snack bar at my office, and as delicious as the double chocolate with white chocolate chunk cookies look, I have to stay true to the get fit project. I check the ingredients to make sure there is no added sugar, happy to find there is none; I pour some into my mouth. There there growling belly, eat some nuts now. With a settling down tummy I sit at my desk munching away. I continue to read my peanut package and get to the nutritional info:
18 g of fat per 30 grams of nuts.
This is a 60g bag of nuts. THAT IS 36 GRAMS OF FAT IN JUST A FEW MOUTHFULS OF NUTS!!!!
Uhg. Why does the world hate me today?
Bag of nuts is now in the garbage. I am still hungry and want to eat their salty goodness so to avoid temptation (and anyone seeing me eat peanuts out of my garbage) I turn the package upside down and make sure all the nuts topple through to the bottom.
Sigh. Decaffeinated Chai tea for an afternoon snack it is.
Salty foods always make me crave something sweet. This is why chocolate covered pretzels are so damn good.
But REALLY: Carbs+chocolate+salt=LARD ASS!
Now my sweet tooth has to be controlled with natural treats like grapes, and berries. I can’t take being hungry anymore and decide to sneak out for some food. I tell the receptionist to hold my calls and that I have to run out to meet a client (and by client I mean overpriced blueberries and raspberries from the local Safeway).
Now, those of you who do not visit a Safeway grocery store, it is just like any other grocery store except the majority of their clientele are 70+. There is ALWAYS slow white haired grannies counting change, and yelling at the cashiers about coupons. The absolute adorable thing about the Safeway today, is that in front of me, there is a couple, I would say about 80. They are standing in front of the berries with their arms linked together, she is trying to ask him if he thinks she should use fresh or frozen blue berries to make him blueberry bran muffins, he decides that the fresh ones taste better so they start grabbing a few pints of blueberries. They are so adorable, I sit back and wait for them to finish instead of my normal rushy self elbowing people to get out of my way as I am flipping hungry and am going to faint if I don’t get some nourishment. The granny is loading her cart with a very shaky hand, moving as slow as 80 year olds do.
She looks at the price sign of the blueberries and says:
“Five fucking dollars”
“snrrrrhggg BA ha hahahahaa” I snort out loud because old people swearing is funny shit, and they can’t hear me anyways.
As they move on, I grab 2 small things (pints) of blueberries and 2 small things of raspberries and a bag of snap peas.
I get to the till and?
For my snack, well two days’ worth (okay okay, one day’s worth).
This, is yet another reason why people are fat. Healthy fresh food cost so much more. This is why I would normally have a granola bar for a snack (no, not the chocolate dip kind or the kind with peanut butter chips, I would have All-Bran bars or Nature Valley....but...alas...sugar has been added to them, so now they are nixed).
I go back to the office, and run to the break room to grab some tea, there are three people eating the following:
Pop tarts (Which I didn’t think adults ate)
Cheezies (Two Halloween sized bags, which also is a fat kid’s snack)
Doritos and a can of orange pop (Orange pop? Who over the age of 9 and isn’t getting a happy meal drinks orange pop?)
I decide to sit down with my snap peas and berries to set an example, and I get this remark:
“Don’t you get sick of eating rabbit food?”
Is all this conduct new? Is it just MY office? Do I need to go work at a nutritionist convention in order to get some peace?
“Don’t you get sick of eating neon orange sticks that mould doesn’t even grow on when it has been under the sofa for a year?” I say in a joking manor to try and get my peers to except my “weird” habits.
“Nope, I would rather be fat and eat what I want.”
Yeah right! Like anyone would RATHER be fat. Ya I hear people everyday say that they are trying gain weight, and they wish they could just be 2 sizes bigger, all the celebrities and models are fat, and if only they looked like Rosie O’Donnell or a had a torso like Happy Buddha, and of course all the diet companies out there that go bankrupt each year because no one wants to lose any weight.
I would like to tell Mrs. Orange powder lips, that I would rather be skinny, not to mention have arteries that work and clothes that fit. But of course, this type of behaviour is not appropriate towards people being unhealthy, only can you say such snide remarks to thin and healthy people (or in my case, thinner than they are). So instead I just smile.
As I leave the break room, the mousy girl from I.T. with the blonde roots and the black hair tells me:
“I wish I had your will power, don’t listen to what she says, it’s good that you eat the way you do”.
I want to hug her.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Eating Healthy Rule # 8 (also, this is Day 10)

Eating Healthy Rule # 8
Don’t eat with boys

I sit down to eat supper with my boyfriend and his friend, for what I know will not be a fun night, for one, sports are on in the background, and for two I really want to eat pizza and drink beer. So, for our respective dinners:

I have:
Steamed beans
Some ww pasta ravioli stuffed with brie and herbs, no sauce, no oil, no pesto, nothing but chopped fresh tomatoes, yellow pepper, onion, garlic, and pepper
A grilled boneless skinless chicken breast (duh, is there any other kind? Bones and skin are skeevy)
A glass of water with a lemon slice

They have:
Hawaiian Pizza
A bottle of coke

I know right?

Boy #1 says:
His pizza is healthy as the crust is multi grain.
His pizza is healthy as it has pineapple on it.

Boy #2 says:
Nothing , as he lives with me and knows better.


I retract my need to lecture him about the differences of whole grain vs. Multi grain and I instead point out the fact the not only does he have many empty calories on his plate, but he has no vegetables. Where as my plate is loaded with about 3 servings of vegetables giving me lots of vitamins and fibre, which you need to poo properly you know. I ask him what else he had to eat today.

He ate:
X-Large double double
Sausage breakie sandwich
Apple fritter
3 junior bacon cheeseburgers
1 large fries
1L of grape Gatorade
1 large rootbeer

I ate:
Two eggs with spinach and mushrooms
A salad with grilled chicken, chick peas, snap peas and tomatoes
An apple
10 almonds
A lot of water

He = skinny
Me = fat

Why. Can someone explain to me why this is? Do not give me the reason “woman are supposed to store fat for their babies” BS.

I finish my dinner, go out to the kitchen and lick every piece of pizza that the boys haven’t eaten yet (careful of course not to get any grease on my tongue) . As I walk away, he has the nerve to say:
“maybe you should try a piece, its working on keeping my ass small”
“HAVE FUN POOPING BRICKS TONIGHT! I HOPE YOUR ASS CATCHES ON FIRE!” I yell, feeling very satisfied that I put my spit over his next piece of pizza.

Now I am going to find his toothbrush and rub it in the toilet.

(just kidding)

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Attack of the Smokers (Day 9)

What is worse than a person sitting down to eat lunch right next to you having just finished a cigarette?
How about one on each side.
This is my lunch day from hell.
I was happily enjoying my turkey & mustard on sprouted grain bread sandwich with a side spinach salad with tzatziki instead of salad dressing (so yum) when smoker lady 1 sat on my right, and smoker lady 2 on my left. The last two seats at the lunch table. Yuck!
Not only is it gross to have to smell these two idiots through my lunch. But they decided it was a good idea to talk about how much they smoke, who smokes the most, how much they spend on smokes, what smokes they have tried, how they have tried to quit, and the most disgusting thing of all? They were eating chicken wings.
Two people, reeking of smoke, sucking chicken arm remains, talking about smoking.
(There is a grocery store across the street from my office that makes chicken wings everyday in their deli.)
Blah. I almost shot mushed up spinach at them, but having the ability to contain my hurl. I pretended I was full (right, like I get "full" from spinach) and got up to leave.
"What's her problem?" I heard one of them complain.
What is wrong with this picture? Why am I the bad guy? It’s not like I yelled at them, and lectured their fat-ass-yellow-teeth-chicken-bone-sucking-peanut-brains on the ramifications of having lungs full of toxins and a stomach full of chicken skin (come on, there is BARELY any meat on those wings). Why is it that people trying to make healthy choices get swatted down? Why can't they be praised? Why is it that people who choose to kill themselves with cigarettes get a special break? Why is it that people who choose to eat healthy are the 'inconveniences' at staff functions? This is why people are fat. They feel bad offending people. When in actuality, we should not be offending anyone. Why is it offensive to turn down food? I didn't ask you to slave over your stove last night; I am not going to eat your crap just because for some odd reason your feelings are going to be hurt. That is your problem, not mine.
Stand up for your choices.
I would like to eat my lunch at my desk, my quiet, peaceful, smoke free desk, however, I do need fuel and comical content for my blog.
Did you know that a battered fried chicken wing has 10g of fat?
That will be washed down nicely with their mayonnaise shake and lardsicle dessert.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Day 8

The week of suffering has been a success. I did not falter, unless to notice there was hidden sugar in some foods I thought there was none (farewell my beloved turkey bites, you will be missed). The turkey bite incident prompted me to purge my pantry (which I have done many times before on many other diets).
I now have a garbage can full of pasta sauce, Indian sauces, drink mixes, sugar free candy & chocolates, cereal, bread, and canned goods.
What a waste of money!
It now takes me 3 hours to get groceries as I have to read every ingredient and not just make sure it is low in fat, calories, and carbs. I thought I would be safe if I grocery shopped at the organic grocery store, but alas....sugar in different forms were hiding in my food.

I do a weekly weigh-in each Monday morning. These few minutes before the weigh-in are more stressful then opening your front door to find a cop standing there. The final number directly affects my mood for the day. If I lose weight I am happy, elated, and motivated to keep up the good work. If I am the same weight, I feel ashamed, as if I didn't give it my all and that I just wasted a week. If I gain weight? Well, then I fall into a deep depression and swear off eating ever again, and will only live off water and the odd green leafy vegetable.
This morning....drum roll please...
1 lb lighter,
Well, better than gaining right? So far in 2 weeks I have lost 6 lbs. Yay me.
Purchasing food with no sugar in it is HARD. I was definitely one cranky bitch at the grocery store the other day. It is really not a surprise why there are so many unhealthy people out there. Now, I am not just saying unhealthy as in fat (but yes, there are also a lot of fat people) I just mean unhealthy. The items that we put into our body on a daily basis are not good. I challenge you to read the ingredients and see all the crap that is in some of the food you are putting into your body. Why is there sugar in everything? Sauces, salad dressing, deli meats, salads, sushi, it makes me want to scream.

So how can we get away from sugar? Other than preparing every single meal ourselves from scratch, it is a hard feat, because where this is no sugar...there is the other devil: Artificial Sweeteners (booooo).
Now, saying that. I have given up aspartame and artificial sweeteners for the past 3 weeks. Since doing so, I have noticed that I can concentrate better, I haven't had any headaches, and my cravings for sweet things has gone away. BOOYAH!

Aspartame, sigh...SO bad for you, in fact most artificial sweeteners are. The backassward thing about aspartame is that many people use it to lose weight. However, there have been studies done which suggest that aspartame, although low in calories, causes way more damage than good, and ironically doesn't aid in weight loss, but can actually attribute to gaining weight around your midsection.
Having recently dissolved my love hate relationship with diet pops, and my many coffees a day with sweetener, I can honestly say I noticed a big difference. I bet you will too.

Google Aspartame or artificial sweeteners and you will probably be surprised with what comes up. There are websites out there that say Aspartame is fine, and it isn’t harmful and blah blah blah. I am not a doctor, nor a nutritionalist, but after educating myself on artificial sweeteners, sugars, and sugars by other names. I don’t feel I want to even eat sweets, it just isn’t worth it to me. The more you educate yourself on what you are putting in your body, the EASIER it will be for you to eat healthy.

A few of my favourites are:

Friday, November 20, 2009

Cubicles Suck. Hard. (Day 5)

They not only suck due to the lack of privacy when you are on the phone, or cruising super interesting and funny blogs, but also hearing your cubicle neighbour discuss such imperative things as the weird redish brown spot on his chin and his lame-o obsession with Hanna Barbera Characters, but I also have to deal with this: He eats chicken wings and coke everyday for a snack. EVERYDAY!

Not only am I grossed out by bones and skin in general, but the sound people make when they eat chicken wings is puke-inducing! Yes, I get it, the sauce is super tasty and you need to lick your fingers clean and stick the bones in your mouth and suck like a drunken sorority girl at the end of rush week. Perhaps you could do this in the lunch room? Or save your wing felatio fetish until you get home and can lights some candles and really enjoy yourself.

Does this only bother me so much because my own snack of light cottage cheese and sliced apple isn't as mouth-watering as deep-fried meat slathered in sugar sauce? Day 5 of this "get fit Project" is causing me to be a super bitch. Again I hit snooze on the alarm this morning. Many times. (This button gets more action than the candy necklace around the shirtless angel wing boy at a rave.) I have decided to give up on morning running (for now) and just do it in the evening. I feel better about this decision due to a recent comment from a reader. She is right, sleep is very important to overall health, and I can run when I get home....if I am not too tired ;)

I recently tried to fit some workout time into my day, I thought running in place and doing some old school push-ups and V-sits would be a better way to spend my 15 minute break, other than the usual water cooler nonsense I would have to endure in the lunch room. I waited for the other office drones around me to head to the lunch room or go out for their nicotine fix, and started jogging in place. I got a little bored and decided to do a little heel-step-kick jig, and since I am extremely uncoordinated I have to watch my feet as I do this. Rookie mistake! I look up, and there is my assistant. Staring at me like an idiot dancing in her cubicle. She puts a stack of paper down and mumbles something about them needing my signature and to sign my real name and not Ginger Rogers. I didn't get this joke at first; mainly because I didn't watch Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers dance in the 1930's. But I have decided that dancing in my cubicle, is probably a crappy idea to begin with. Most of the people here already think I am a dingbat because I tried to get the pizza party changed to a grilled chicken and salad party. I don't need to add more fuel to their fire. I will just dance in the bathroom stall from now on and if someone comes in I will just stop and pretend I am peeing.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Day 4 (ever so sleepy today)

It is 6:30 am. I have hit my snooze button 4 times.
(Every morning I am amazed at how easily I can find a tiny little snooze button in my dream induced groggy state, but when I am supposedly awake and alert, I can’t find my purse or my jacket or my sneakers, which in comparison, are very large items I should have no problem finding.)
Four snooze hits may not seam like a lot, but at 15 minute intervals, I have slept away an hour of my morning. The hour I was going to use to (groan) get up and go running. This seams like such an easy feat. Why can’t I muster up the discipline to do this every morning? In the summer it is not so bad, it is warm, sunny, and green outside. But now it is dark, cold, and brown. UHG. I jump out of bed, annoyed that I missed my morning run. OK not that annoyed as I heart sleep and warmth. As soon as I get out of bed I am hit by a Mac truck of hunger pains. Now that I am a health-nut-in-training I don’t eat after 8pm (yes, I know this should be 7pm, but I don’t get home until 6pm, so I have set my cut off time at 8pm, leave me alone) so in the morning I am absolutely famished. I head downstairs for some uber healthy breakie: organic cinnamon flavoured wheat squares (Kashi Brand), vanilla soy milk, and a banana. I am sure I will be told that I shouldn't have a banana as they are “nature's junk food” but my diet regime now is natural. I just eat natural food, no processed crap. While I am eating this cereal, I realize that I am a bonehead and put regular milk in my cereal instead of soy milk. BARF! This now taste like plastic. I eat the banana pieces out of my cereal and throw the soppy milk filled wheat squares in the garbage (which I am sure will not go over well with my boyfriend as he is taking the garbage out leavening a trail of cinnamon flavoured milk drops behind him, oopsie).
Oh how I would rather be eating a warm blueberry scone with melting butter on it.
I look out my window to assess the weather and I count four female runners. FOUR. These people must not have jobs, or are stay at home moms, there is no way they get up and run before work in this weather...right? I want to be them.
Maybe if I stop making excuses and hitting 'snooze' I could be them. I could run into them in the morning and we would laugh about how are lulu's match and then we would be best running buddies.
Oh dear, on of my BRBs just spit on my driveway. I hope she trips over her stupid pink laces.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Day 3

Well yet another weird look today from a pushy grandmother type at my office, why do people get so upset when you turn down their stupid homemade pound cake. For one, who even eats pound cake anymore? And two, why am I offending you? I don’t like pound cake, I don’t want to eat your lard ridden empty calorie desert that my great grandma would dip into her sugar filled tea.
Why does this upset a person?
I just don’t get it.
If I offered someone some food, and they didn’t want it, I wouldn’t push it down their throat. No wonder there are little girls out there sticking their fingers down their throats. I remember my own grandmother lathering my plate full of fatty food and offering me a plethora of desserts to choose from, and usually I would have to have one of each so I can “try each one” like it would be the end of existence if I didn’t know which I liked better, the strawberry Jello tart or the rocky road squares with peanut butter chips.
I have decided that instead of saying “no thank you” which is inevitably followed by “no, you must try a piece, it is really tasty” I have decided to try another approach.
Is what I say in my head.
I politely say “oh thank you, I just ate though and am really full, can I have a piece for later?” Then, when no one is looking, in to the garbage can it goes.
Day 3 of get fit project is going quite well, I looked at the piece of pound cake in the garbage and realized I probably saved myself about 400 calories. This means I only have to go on the treadmill for ten minutes tonight right?

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Get Fit - Day two

Well, so far so good, 48 hours of healthy living and eating. I have been off work for two days, and tomorrow, when I am at work, shall be a better test. Not only are remnants of Halloween candy circulating the office, but I am lucky to work in an office that has really good coffee, I mean, really good! Different flavours, individually brewed on a per cup basis, the smell is enough to make you sing from the rooftops. But since I am giving up caffeine, sugar, & sweetener...the regular 8 trips I make a day for said coffee has got to stop...that yummy coffee is out of the question. My coffee will be replaced with teas (green, chai, oolong, etc...).
I DREAD the beginning days when clients and companies start sending our office Christmas chocolates and candies, and the staff party where you will be expected to eat whatever is put in front of you.
Holidays deserve their own blog as they are torture to every dieter out there.
If you are as unlucky as I am, your office is filled with unhealthy drones that desire to be nothing more than what they currently are. I wish they could see the benefits of being healthy, maybe just get off their ass for ten minutes a day? Stop with the cancer sticks? Eat veggies once and a while? They don't cringe at the idea of lunch dates at McDonalds, or pastries for breakfast. It is hard to be surrounded by this type of mentality when you want to make healthy choices.
Constantly the battle, arguing with people who can't understand why you don't want a piece of their double fudge decadent chocolate cake topped with sprinkles. Um, empty calories much? Trans fats, laden with sugar?
"Oh, one little piece won't hurt"
Sigh, these people make me want to kick puppies!

Monday, November 16, 2009

The Get Fit Project. DAY 1

After going through hundreds of pictures from our recent Caribbean vacation, I have come to a very important conclusion.
I am fat.
Well, not heifer size fat, but fat enough that I have graduated to the tankini swimsuit and any pictures of me where I am wearing my bikini-bikini are now buried on the cutting room floor. The only pictures that have made it passed my rigorous screening are the ones where I am in the pool and you can only see me from the boobs up. Yes, if you rock the cleave and have the water cover your belly, shoulders back, chin up, and have the perfect make-you-look-skinny shot.
This is it, I have had it. Starting a diet, ya ya ya, same old same old, which diet should it be this time, counting calories? low carb? low fat? no dairy? cayenne pepper and molasses? OK just kidding about the last one, I didn't actually try the popular-yet-disgusting-sounding-lemonade-drink. I mean, even I have limits, not eating solid food can be saved for my 94th birthday cake smoothie.
This is get fit project day one. No more caring what anyone else says. If I want to eat a bag of carrot sticks for lunch and eat the green tea leaves in the bottom of my tea cup to suck up all the metabolism boosting goodness I can, then so be it.
No more agreeing to eat where ever my friends/boyfriend/coworkers want to eat, and absolutely no more "it is my birthday, you have to have a piece".
I always strive to be healthy, I say I like yoga, but really it annoys me, my gut gets in the way of all the good poses and I really hate hearing everyone breathe loudly, it is creepy. But, since I am a total health-nut-wannabe now, I have to give it another try.
No more running a few times a week...OK a few times a month. Hard core all the way.
Let us see how this goes.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

The Get Fit Project Rules

1. All healthy natural food is allowed
2. All sugars must come solely from the whole foods eaten (fruit)
3. No more artificial sweeteners (yes, this includes gum)
4. Continue with my running, but include more consistent weight training
5. No alcohol (except on my birthday and Christmas) for 3 months or 20lbs less, whichever comes first.
6. Watch the caffeine (have decaf or herbals teas only)
7. No crap food, not even as a “treat” or “I will have just a little taste”
8. Educate myself as much as possible on the food I am eating
9. Provide comic relief to myself and others via this blog
10. Inspire, share, and learn from other readers & followers of this blog (thank you everyone for your comments, ideas, and support).

Most people who read this blog are not new to dieting, working out, trying to lose weight, or eating healthy, so already we know the things we should and should not be doing. Already I know what foods to eat, I just need to make the effort to prepare them and make it consistent. It is really worth taking the time to educate yourself as you eat 4 to 6 small meals a day. let’s say you are like me and eat 6 times a day.
6 x 365 = 2190
2190 meals a year.
Now, it is definitely worth learning some recipes and how to make good healthy balanced meals.
I am sure by now all of us know the basics, work out, eat healthy, drink lots of water, get lots of rest, and laugh with your friends (happy is good). So, if we all know what to do, how come some of us are still struggling with getting in the shape that they want to be in? Well, I know why I am, so these are my rants and confessions, what started this whole bitchin’ blog.


What is the “GET FIT PROJECT”
It is me, trying to get really fit. Weekly progress reports are posted to the site, along with my fav recipes, food list, and exercises done. I have changed my diet, from being kind of healthy but still indulging in a lot of things I shouldn’t (aspartame, a lot of caffeine and coffee and diet pop, refined carbs, white sugar, lots of alcohol, and my weakness: chips (sour cream Lays to be exact, mmmmm) I am not someone who has ever been really big on fast food, ice cream, and many sweets, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t have them from time to time. I came to realize that just because I don’t stock my own cupboards with pastries and junk, I still have them as snacks when I am out and someone offers them to me. My biggest diet nemesis: my office building!
My office has the densest population of unhealthy people I have ever seen. Chocolate bars and Cans of Pepsi are consumed as 10am snacks all the time. We have two SEPARATE companies that come in bi-weekly to restock the snack bar, or to sell us separate special junk. We have a pop machine that is not stocked with anything other than pop. We have three gourmet coffee machines that although serve green tea (unfortunately taste like an old wallet) and decaf coffee, they also serve many flavoured coffees and sweet drinks, there is no milk provided, only cream, and there is an abundance of white sugar to stuff into said coffee. Also, all Fridays are a smorgasbord of Tim Hortons' finest powdered treats.
Many of my ‘bitchings’ are from days in my office, the rest are just snippets from my life as I battle the bulge. I am by no means skinny, but I am also not a big fatty. Before starting this project, I was already active and knew what I had to do in my diet. It is simple, eat fewer calories than you exert. It’s the only way to lose weight, this is why anorexics loose so much weight; they take zero calories in but expend 1500 to 2000 a day (more if they work out). Approximately 3,500 calories is equal to one pound. So clearly you need to eat fewer calories, burn off more calories by exercising and voila, just like that you will be skinny. So, can I do it? Follow my progress on this blog. I hope it provides you with some good ideas, recipes, a place to vent your frustration should you want to leave a comment, and not to mention some comic relief on the everyday struggles of dieting or being healthy.

I have been asked a few times "why the drastic change?" the answer is simple: To Be Healthy.
A healthy diet can help you with the following things:
Clearer skin
Better immune system
Reduction in allergens
More energy
Better life

Let us find out if this works!