Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Don’t turn into a fatty over the holidays!!!

Don’t gain weight this month, you will just have that much more to lose in January!

Again this year, my office is flooded with candy, chocolates, sweets, and all goodies that you can imagine. This year there were two massive fruit cakes that disappeared in one day, WHO EATS FRUITCAKE???? And the little old lady client (who I cannot believe is still alive, she must be 130 years old) brought in her “famous” shortbread cookies (yuck) and of course I had to take some while she passed them out, and of course, I again threw them into the garbage as soon as she left. What? For all she knows I ate them, old people love to feed you! It’s a scientifically proven fact.

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and a Happy New Year. See you in January!

PS: don’t you hate when people say “see you next year” when they are going to see you January? I hear that 6 times today. SIX!!!

Monday, December 13, 2010

Maintain don't gain!

Is December a write off for everyone? I guess my brain thinks that since I have lost weight I can just eat a bunch of Christmas goodies and not work out.

Last December, I completed the amazing feat of actually losing weight over Christmas (I know right? Unbelievable!) . This December my main goal is to maintain and not gain. I have already been to 3 Christmas parties, I have a fourth one tomorrow, diner and drinks with clients, loads of chocolates everywhere in the office, Christmas is in less than 2 weeks, the new years? Oh my gosh!
I feel like a bear getting ready for hibernation, and I am not quite sure what it is about bread and cheese that makes me lose control of my motor skills, but I have had enough fat and carbs to last me all of 2011. It’s cold and dark out when I get home, I just want to sleep by the fire and eat pot roast and potatoes, not come home and run outside and then have a cold salad and grilled fish, that’s for the summer!

So, back to the motto for the holidays, maintain, don’t gain! Which means it’s almost inevitable that I (and most humans) will over indulge over the holidays. Soooo work out a little more, do that extra ten minutes of cardio and those extra reps of weights, go for that extra incline on the treadmill, and definitely throw in some high-intensity-all-out-speed-crazy-until-sweat-comes-out-your-eyes-burst-of-cardio.

Don’t get fat over the holidays!

Sunday, December 12, 2010


Note to self: If you keep your spices in cool trendy spice jars that magnetizes to your fridge for easy excess, don't keep the cumin next to the cinnamon and think that one day you won’t accidently make a cumin flavoured protein shake and not notice until you are already in your car and take a massive swig at a red light.  Yes, I had to swallow it.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Sigh, time to go work out!

Yes, that time of year again, all the glitz is out, crazy outfits, asses and boobies a, not the aftermath of a staff Christmas party open bar. I actually mean the Victoria Secret Fashion Show. God, I want to punch these models and their skinny flat tummies and perfect hair! Why can’t we all have a team of people working on our hair and makeup before we go out in public?

I tried to critique the girls, looking for imperfections to satisfy the “no one is perfect, everyone has issues with their body rule” but alas, they all look perfect to me. I also tried to ask my fiancé, but he was already letting the potato wedges burn as he watched the show, so I thought it better not to give him too many tasks to do at once while there are firm ass close-ups on the TV.

I wonder how many other females around the world are currently watching this show, hating their own bodies, wondering what exactly these models do to stay so hot, and what the hell a vest shaped like a soccer ball has to do with underwear? As I watched hottie after hottie strut their weird model walk and make me want to go throw up my dinner (literally)...I wondered why I torture myself watching this show every year. I also wondered why I am watching it when I am eating my supper. Needless to say I didn’t finish my burnt potato wedges and grilled tilapia.

Perhaps I should record this and watch it during every meal, clearly I would eat less.

Sigh, time to go work out!

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Q: You can’t possibly eat ridiculously healthy ALL the time. What are the foods that you loosen the healthy strings on?

A: True. True. Unfortunately True. I don’t think anyone does. If they do they are probably a big fat liar. Of course, we can’t confuse eating ridiculously healthy with regular healthy eating. So when you are eating redic-healthy, you omit EVERYTHING processed, and basically you eat fruit, veggies, lean protein, a little low fat dairy, and whole grains. When you eat just regular healthy, there are some of those baddies that sneak in. Where I tend to slack the most are:

Slack: Bread
So in perfect land, we would all eat whole grain sprouted gluten free no sugar added bread. But in regular land, that bread annoys me for the following reasons:
1. It is expensive, I only end up eating about 6 slices before the bread starts to go bad, and that works out to $1 a slice of bread.
2. They taste OK at best. I don’t love it, so why would I sit and eat something I don’t love? Oh right, to be healthy.
Make it better: Stop eating so much bread? Have open faced sandwiches instead? Bring your own loaf of bread to restaurants and ask the chef to make your sandwich using you bread instead of the restaurants? I have a friend who brings her own whole wheat wraps to fajita night, yes I’m serious.
So yes, sometimes I slack on bread and just have regular whole wheat, or ‘multi grain’ which usually means regular bread with some seeds and grain thrown in.

Slack: Wine
Drinking is fun. That is all.
Make it better: Stick to wine (or a personal fave I just invented last weekend: vodka + Perrier + fresh lemon and mint leaves). Alcohol is still sugar, so there is no way of getting around it unless you stop drinking alcohol. Stay away from liquors, mixes with soda or sugary juices, slushy drinks, dessert type drinks. Some higher end places have cocktails or martinis made with real no sugar added juice; again...alcohol is not ideal to have on any diet. However, I am a realist, who loves wine.

Slack: Restaurants
Make it Better: Generally I just try to order something healthy. I suggest a few changes if I can (no butter on the veggies, dressing on the side, no cheese, etc...) to make it a little less bad. But going out to dinner is essentially going out to have fun and a good time with friends. Make sure you get your workout in that day, and watch your calories for the rest of the day. Also, don’t go out to restaurants a lot, and then ones that you do go to, make sure they are awesome and have a chef, not some chain restaurant whose motto is “quantity over quality” or “all you can eat whatevers...”, and don't ever go to a buffet unless you master will power.

Slack: Noodles
Sometimes you just want pasta. Still buy whole grain noodles, but who are we kidding? Pasta contains a lot of carbs to consume in the evening.
Make it better: Have vegetarian pasta, I guarantee you won’t miss the meat, load that sucker up with veggies! No cream sauces. Period. Have a tomato based sauce. Skip the cheese and don’t even think about buttery garlic bread.

Slack: When someone else is serving me
In order to eat super healthy are we never to go eat at a friend’s house again? Luckily, most of my friends are fitoholics, so I enjoy when I get the break of cooking and get to eat their food. My family however? Different story (my parents still eat simulated bacon bits for crap sakes! Is that even food?).
Make it better: Show up with a salad to help contribute to the dinner, load your plate up with too many veggies, tell them you aren’t eating cheese right now and maybe they won’t throw it all over your food? It helps if you can find out what they are making for you ahead of time, maybe you can ask them to leave BBQ sauce off your chicken breast, or the mayo off your sandwich.

Slack: Chocolate
What? I have ovaries!
Make it better: Dark Organic Chocolate. Cocoa itself isn’t bad for you, it is the fat and sugar added to cocoa that makes it bad. So stay away from the Twix (that you eat the caramel off the top and then eat the biscuit, right? We all do....I mean....We all DID that right?), Reese PB cups, and all the commercially prepared bars. For some reason, organic dark chocolate bars seem to only come in MASSIVE bar size, so make sure to break off a few squares and not take the whole bar into a movie theatre with you.

Slack: Coffee
Make it better: No cream or sugar! Someone brought me a large with 2 cream coffee yesterday, I politely declined, they where beyond offended, and everyone kept say "uh, you're not going to drink it???".  As if!  Why would I drink 14 grams of fat?

Slack: Sushi Restaurants
Make it better: No tempura, less rice dishes, watch the sodium, remember you are going to be hungry in an hour anyway.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Q: Fast food that is FIT BITCH FRIENDLY?

So  sometimes we do have to eat out at fast food places. Now, I do not endorse these places, nor should you eat at them just because they are mentioned on this list. This list is my personal list of places where I would grab a quick meal if I had too. There are everyday eat out places, and then there are those places that you are only eating at because you have too (road tripping across Canada, have ten minutes for lunch, work meetings where you don’t get to pick the place, you are too hungover to think about preparing your own food, you are dating a new guy and aren’t acting yourself around him yet, etc...)

Now, unfortunately these places are not everywhere, some of them are just in one province or state, and some you may not have even heard of as there are only a few around. If you have some locations you would like to share, please leave your favourite places in the comment section. Share your ideas with the other readers, and give me some ideas as well.

OK my fast faves:

Sunterra, Main Dish, Pete’s Frootique....any gourmet fast meal places
Salad bar, beach chickpea, veggie salads pre-made, local food prepared healthy, sandwiches on multi grain bread, broth based soups made fresh daily, pre-cooked meals that you can grab and take back to work or home to heat up (salmon, roast chicken or beef).

You cannot get much better than Freshii. You could eat there every day AND they take many steps to be environmentally friendly so you can feel good about eating healthy and being good to the world.

Mucho Burrito
A whole wheat wrap filled with beans, veggies (chicken if you would like), skip the cheese, sour cream and guac, add more veggies and salsa and you have a quick healthy burrito! You can also ask for had cheese, no rice, extra veggies. I love it!

I don’t eat here. I dislike it. But no cheese and fatty sauce plus some whole wheat bread is a better choice than a lot of fast places. They have salad too, so if you are stuck, Subways not a bad place. I think I just hate it so much for the following reasons:
1. Jarrod the Subway guy annoys the shit out of me
2. I ate way too many ‘6 inch tuna with extra pickles’ when I was a teenager

Wendy’s (or other Fast Food Places that serve salads)
A healthier salad without pouring dressing all over it (obviously you aren’t going to get the one with deep fried chicken or bacon on it) and a baked potato (no cheese and other crap on it). I do not go to fast food burger places, I don’t particularly like to torture myself with the smell of salty French fries, so I assuming the following: I am sure you could order a grilled chicken sandwich (without mayo of course).

Swiss Chalet
Chicken dinner with white meat, remove the skin yourself, add a salad as your side (garden or greek) and dressing on the side, skip the dipping sauce and of course don’t get a white bun slathered in butter.

Now, I am sure there are a million Greek restaurants out there names “Opa” but I am talking about the fast food chain. Yes, they serve gross fries and some weird hamburger pita wrap that I am sure is bad for you. However, they also serve a tasty Greek salad and chicken souvlaki.

Sushi is quick, however a lot of white rice is empty carbs which translates to sugar, so order more sashimi with a bowl of miso soup (yes, I know miso soup is high in sodium, but tofu, miso, onions and seaweed are good for you! Drink lots of water and watch your sodium intake for the rest of the day).

Japanese soup
Again, I know these can be high in sodium, but if you are eating healthy all the time, some extra sodium one day isn’t going to kill you. Get soup with lots of veggies and buckwheat (soba) noodles.

Wok Box
Typically these stir-fry meals are served with noodles or rice, but you can ask for extra veggies instead!

Tim Hortons
What kind of Canadian would I be if I didn’t eat at Tim Hortons? Sure I favour a skim cafe latte over a plain Jane Tim hortons coffee, but what office doesn’t have a brown box of donuts on the staff room table?
The thing with Tim Hortons, and most fast food places, is that the food is high in sodium, and everything is prepared commercially, however, you can find a lot of items to eat at Tim Hortons that are less than 300 calories (soups, those little snack wrap things). These foods are not ideal, but will do in a pinch.
Being the power bitch that I am, I would rather just tell you to never eat fast food burgers and fries. Make your own at home! It will taste better and save your body from crappy re-used oil that has been sitting in a fryer for a week, blah!

Jugo Juice (or other smoothie place)
*look at the ingredients to your smothie, don’t get ones made with sherbert or some other shit. Alot of smoothie places also have paninis and wraps, just check the ingredients and make the best choice.

Do you have a favourite healthy fast food? Leave it in the comment section below:

Monday, November 15, 2010

Happy 1 year anniversary Fit Bitch Blog!

Wow. A whole friggin year. Can you believe it? I just went back to my very few first blog entries and had a little read fest, first I laughed a lot at myself, then I realized how much I slacked off on my “weekly” progress reports. I guess once I hit that infamous weight loss plateau, I decided posting the same weight every week would make for a boring progress report.

Now the YEAR progress report (OMG are you excited or what?). First, let’s look at the Fit Bitch Project Rules which were posted on Nov 15, 2009!

1. All healthy natural food is allowed.

2. All sugars must come solely from the whole foods eaten (fruit).
Check! (Well, except for sugars from wine and special “treat” nights...which after a year are no longer 4 times a week and more like twice a month, sigh!)

3. No more artificial sweeteners (yes, this includes gum).
DONE! Gone are the diet pops, large coffees with splenda. All artificial sweeteners have gone, and I have had exactly 6 pieces of gum in one year and I had to have them because my breath was rank.

4. Continue with my running, but include more consistent weight training.
Done (even completed a 10k HOLLLAH!)

5. No alcohol (except on my birthday and Christmas) for 3 months or 20lbs less, whichever comes first. Uh, I half-ass did this one.

6. Watch the caffeine (have decaf or herbals teas only).
Whoops! I forgot about this one. I love coffee and have about 1 a day.

7. No crap food, not even as a “treat” or “I will have just a little taste”.
Hmmmmmm, this one was done better than I anticipated. For the record, ‘crap’ food is all fake, processed, mass commercially produced food (chocolate bars, pop, frozen pizza, you know the drill) I give myself a B+ on this one.

8. Educate myself as much as possible on the food I am eating.
Totally! I am Ms. Food Knowledge now.

9. Provide comic relief to myself and others via this blog.

10. Inspire, share, and learn from other readers & followers of this blog (thank you everyone for your comments, ideas, and support).
Yes! I have received comments from readers that have made me laugh, given me ideas, support, I have even had a few comments and emails from readers that have made me cry! (I know, who would have thought I had feelings from the way I write and criticize?) Thank you everyone for your support.

OMG are you ready? Are you on the edge of your seat? Ahhhhh. I can’t believe I am going to post my freaking weight on the damn internet!  Total weight loss in 1 year, by just eating really healthy, no processed food, nothing that has added sugar or un pronouncable crap:  30 pounds.

Start Date: November 15, 2009

Height: 5’7”
Weight: (I just threw up in my mouth when I looked at this!) 180
Measurements: Bust:41 (yay) Waist: 40 (boo) Hips: 40 (also boo)
Pant Size: 13/15
My bridesmaid dress size I wore last November: 14!

Today! Nov 15, 2010
Height: still 5’7”
Weight: 150
Measurements: Bust: 37 (boo) Waist: 32 (yay) Hips: 37
Pant Size: 7/9 (EEEEK)
My wedding dress size: 8!

What’s that? Wedding dress? Yes, newly engaged and getting hitched in May 2011!

So I now need to hardcore it up because regular goal weight range is NOT wedding day goal weight range. Those pictures are going to be with me forever, just like any other pictures are, however people expect you to look your best on your wedding day. And these are not just any wedding pictures, but beach wedding pictures! You bet your ass I want to look DAMN good in a bikini on my wedding day and honeymoon. Duh!

So now? It’s time to TONE TONE TONE! Weight gone, flabby skin still there? If people who are 300 pounds can get a flat stomach than I certainly can....right?

Here is hoping! Year two of The Fit Bitch Blog! Tone that butt, flatten that belly, and will that upper arm jiggle ever go away?

We will see....Wedding in 6 months! New goal to strive for!

Monday, November 8, 2010

Q: Do you have any helpful suggestions (fit-bitch style of course) for breaking up your calories throughout the day? I really struggle with portions.

A: Portions. My nemesis. Struggling with portions is the hardest thing I have to deal with (minus work idiots, my shrinking boobs, and my not shrinking gut). Lets face it, as much as I bitch about not always stuffing your face like a ravenous glutton, it’s hard to constantly maintain a healthy diet when you are surrounded by everything we see and do on a daily basis.

I found it took me a while to get my portions under control. I was WAY off on my meat and cheese portions so I bought a little digital scale ($20) and it was only then I realized that a half a plate of salmon is not 1 serving, nor are the standard size frozen chicken breasts I was buying. And one serving of cheese is mouse size! So I make sure to have 1 meat or protein serving and then fill up at least half but usually two thirds of my plate with veggies (salad, peppers, green beans, you know, the low cal ones). I can tell you what I do to break up my calories throughout the day (i.e.: trying not to eat as much)but it may not work for everyone, ever one is different when it comes to what works for them, so I have also included some other tricks and tips from friends of mine. Really you have to figure out what works for you. Some things work for me, but my friends either think I am nuts or have their own things they swear by. I get in constant debates about fats, artificial sweeteners, and food with sugar added to it daily.

Here we go! I asked 4 friends the following question: “How do you break up your calories throughout the day to maintain your portions”.

The number one response from all of them was “Eat balanced meals AND snacks”!

If you eat just carbs, you will crave protein and fats, if you eat just protein or fats you will crave carbs, if you eat empty calories, you will crave everything.

Carbs/protein/healthy fats/fibre. Generally your protein source will contain a little fat (eggs, low fat dairy) and your carbs will contain fibre (fruit, grains) if you just have one or the other, you will not be satisfied.

Side Bar: Also related to cravings are vitamins

If you find you are craving foods after you eat, you may be low in a certain vitamin or mineral. Make sure to take a good multi vitamin with your meal (I do it at lunch). This way your body is getting all the nutrients it needs (along with your balanced meal of fat, protein, and carbs) and it can focus on digesting your food instead of making you crave more as your body has all it needs.

My Personal Tricks:

Coffee. Coffee will suppress your appetite for a bit and if you only add milk to your coffee you are looking at about 40 calories. Also, when I am done drinking coffee my mouth has coffee breath, so I down even more water than I normally would. If you aren’t used to having coffee without sugar or sweetener (bad!) then try getting a non-fat cafe latte from Starbucks (grande size is 140 calories and it is just skim milk and espresso). I stick to one coffee a day, maybe two on the weekends, I find decaf and regular both work for me.

Duh, we all know we have to drink water. But drink some water as soon as you wake up (I keep a glass in the bathroom and drink water before I get in the shower). This is a tip I got from Tosca Reno and I now swear by it.

OK, this is a cliché trick, but you need to do it, especially for your portion controls!
Don’t eat directly from a package. If you are having a snack then you need to take a portion out of the big bag, close the big bag and put it away. It is easy to mow down two handfuls of almonds (instead of 10-15) a container of hummus (instead of ¼ a cup) or a bag of organic baked nachos and salsa (my personal fav).

A lot of times with healthy food, you forget that even though it is better for you, it does still contain calories and they will keep adding up! Yes, it totally blows to have to measure stuff out (god, what a PAIN) but being thin and fit is more important so we have to do it. We all hear this trick, but we never do it, but DO IT!

Dressing on the side
Always on the side! Dip your fork in the dressing and then into your salad, there is too many calories in dressing ESPECIALLY at restaurants, and they give you way too much. Always order your dressing on the side, use the fork dip technique and then at the end of your mail you will be shocked the amount of dressing (fat and calories) you save. Do it now.

I used to make my smoothies in a regular sized blender (always made way too much, but though “hey, smoothies are good for you, what ev!” ) but now I make them in the magic bullet and the single blender sized are perfect, plus, you literally can’t put too much stuff in them, so it is perfect every time. Thus helping my wack portion control. Berries, protein powder, skim milk, and ice cubes can make a filling shake for around 200 calories. Perfect for first thing in the morning when you don’t feel like eating yet but know you need breakfast.

I swear by oats, they are awesome for you, filling, and minimal in calories for the fullness factor you get! Read the old oats post for info:
No hour lunch!
Breaking up calories throughout the day is easier when you have shit that needs to get done! If you eat a little food, it will take your brain time to register (what’s the standard rule...20 minutes I think?). So instead of having 60 whole minutes of sitting in the lunch room, plan an errand or even just a walk to take up some of that extra time. You will have less time to eat, and you will be busy doing something else why your tummy is trying to send fullness signals to your brain. Plus, a 30 minute walk will help burn off even more calories and you will be a skinny mini before you know it.

Have more Soup!
No, not canned!  Learn how to make some good soups! Soups are so easy to make, so low in fat and calories and they are filling. I will post some of my favourite soup recipes—well, really I throw things into a pot and hope for the best, it always works out. If you are really lazy, just throw everything into a slow cooker and it will be ready when you get home. If you are having problem with portion sizes, you can have a LARGE soup portion for minimal calories!

I also do the “use a smaller plate” trick, its lame, but it works, you can only fit so many portions on a small plate, so it does the work for you, especially if you are filling half of it with veggies or salad. This is another rule we always hear of but don’t do (who wants to be the only person at the table with a lunch plate while everyone else has a dinner plate?).

OK, this is a mean trick, but you asked what I do fit bitch style, so here it goes:

I walk around my office, look at the fat people eating donuts, and decided I don’t need to eat anymore.

Other personal tricks from my friends:

Coffee as well, or tea, especially herbal tea because she can drink and drink and drink it with no guilt. Iced coffee or tea (strong tea or coffee with ice and skim milk in a blender).

Protein Powder in your smoothies or oatmeal.

Brushing teeth, you don’t want to eat on a toothpaste filled mouth (at work, try mouthwash).

Eat lots (LOTS!) of veggies, snack on them when you need to keep your mouth occupied.

Don’t underestimate the power of milk, it has protein and nutrients, pair it with a fruit for a good balanced snack.

Cheese is fattening, always use low fat cheese and dairy. Low fat everything else has additives, but not dairy (obviously we are speaking of plain dairy here and not skim chocolate milk or flavoured yogurt). The softer the cheese, the higher the fat content (so use hard potent cheese (low fat old cheddar) and you will get the same amount of flavour for less cheese (regular mild cheddar).

Next weeks Q & A is one I have been working on for a long time, since it was asked it in April!

The gross KFC double down broke sales records here in Canada.  A sandwich, that uses fried chicken instead of bread broke sales records.  This is why people are fat.

Q. Anonymous said...

I also threw up in my mouth when I heard about the "Double Down". It would be awesome if you wrote about fast food that is FIT BITCH FRIENDLY! It would take some homework but you could get your readers to help you.

I only suggest this because there is always a day where you get stuck eating something from a fast food establishment whether it's Starbucks, Subway, Quizno's, Wendy's, Tim Ho's etc. There might not be good choices but there are definitely better choices than others. IT would be great to have some ideas on this!

Great blog.
Reader who sometimes eats out

To follow next week!

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Halloween candy lying around? Throw it out. Now.

I would have rather given out Kashi bars and raisins, but I didn’t want my house egged. And if you give out apples, people think you are a creep who puts razor blades in food, plus I would wake up to a car covered in TP I am mini chocolate bars it was.
Instead of stalking up on extra Halloween favourites like last year (Reese peanut butter cups and Twix bars) this year I planned on only buying the Halloween candy and chocolates that I didn’t like (Smarties and Coffee Crisps-blah) as I don’t want to have any temptation in the house.

This is a good rule to have all the time. Rid your home of temptation. You can’t eat it if it isn’t there. How many people will throw out the leftover Halloween candy do you think?

“Wahhh, but I don’t want to waste it”

Waste what? Your transfatty fructose bars? You already paid for them, you can’t get the money back regardless if you eat them or not. If you don’t eat them, that’s healthy and good. If you do eat them that is crap for your insides that you don’t need. Throw them out.

Today at work? You guessed it, mini chocolate bars and candy EVERYWHERE! People where sitting at their desk in piles of candy wrappers, running around all day on sugar highs, I think our productivity for the day was up by 200% that is until 2pm came and everyone hit a wall and acted like a slug for the rest of the day.

One woman had about 10 mini bags of chips. She validated it by saying there is only a handful per bag. Sigh. This is the same type of mentality that goes through peoples mind when they eat ten 100 calorie pack snacks. “Oh, there is only 100 calories per pack; I can have as many as I want”. 1,000 calories later, you are ready for lunch. Gag me.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Anonymous said...

Hey! I read your blog all the time, and I think you are hilarious! I just have a quick question, when you do want something sweet (I know, I shouldn't) what would you recommend sweetening it with - with no sweeteners or sugar? Thanks!

Glad you like the blog, and thanks for the comment. I guess honey would be my sweetener of choice. I also hear that agave nectar, stevia, and sucanat are good, however I don’t use them, not for any particular reason, I just like honey. I will try them in the future, as soon as I can bake something without turning it into a hockey puck. Remember, even though it is natural, it is still a sugar. These are my favourite “sweets”:

Oats with skim milk, cocoa powder, and honey nuked in the microwave (mmmm chocolaty)

Skim milk, cinnamon, left over brown rice, honey, oats, again nuked in the microwave, but then left to cool makes a nice rice pudding

Natural organic black liquorice (Panda brand)

Any type of fruit Smoothies

Molasses, mint leaves, banana, vanilla protein powder and skim milk smoothie (sounds weird, but actually taste good)

Organic dark chocolate (my ultimate treat!)

Apple crisp for one:
Oil up a small ramekin toss in one chopped apple and mix with cinnamon (1/4 tsp), in a bowl mix oats (1/4 cup), honey (1tbls), olive oil (1 tsp), and whole wheat flour (1 tbls), and put it on top of the chopped apple, bake and enjoy.

Last night, I had a craving for muffins, so I went to the store and decided on an organic oatmeal mix (I choose organic ‘treats’ as it makes me feel better about my snacking), I brought home the mix, Pre-heated the oven, added the extra ingredients to the mix(egg, water, canola oil) and fit bitched it up by also adding: fibre (Benefibre), rolled oats, flax seeds, and some protein powder. Went to the cupboard to grab the muffin tin. Couldn’t find it. Then remembered I threw it in the garbage a few months ago because I tried to make mini quiches and burnt them all to the bottom of the muffin tin and it was beyond repair.

Sadly this isn’t the first pan, dish, or appliance I have thrown out (yes I said appliance, I thought I could ‘steam’ milk in my kettle and make my own latte. No. This doesn’t work).

So I had a bowl of muffin batter, and no muffin tins. Solution? I poured them into two cake pans and hoped for the best. 15 minutes later, surprisingly delish! However I now looks like I am eating cake for recess instead of a muffin.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Fake food is a no go for fitties!

So what have we learned so far about fakeness? Well, unless it is a padded bra, some well applied makeup, or The Rabbit, we don’t need it. Fake = chemicals. There are enough chemicals in our environment already, think about all the smog we breathe, and the ingredients we rub onto our skin, what about all the plastic that surrounds our food leeching BPA into our meals. We don’t need to be ingesting them. Period. However, I am a realist, and I can’t walk around with a gas mask on, wear nothing but organic cotton, or make sure my food only touches glass. I can choose to get out of the city on the weekends and breathe some fresh country air, buy organic when I can, and I can 100% choose not to put fake food in my mouth, right? Yes, and so can you.
Do not eat anything that isn’t a whole natural food. Do not eat anything that is processed. Do not eat anything that you can’t pronounce. Seems simple right? Well, it really is. IF you have educated yourself on how AWFUL these foods REALLY are for you, then you won’t want to eat them. And if you are still worried about how you are going to stop eating those staples you are so used to....don’t worry, you will get there. I promise you will. I used to drink diet Coke like it was a thinning serum, I used to only buy low fat, fat free, ‘diet’ foods, baked crackers, eat things that were super low in fat and calories but contained nothing but fake food, lean microwave meals, pre packaged veggies, blah. Two year ago, if someone told me that one day I would turn down a plate of crackers and cheese with a diet Coke to drink, I would have told them they were crazy, I am madly in love with cheese and want to marry cheese and have cheese babies, remember?

Stop. Eating. Fakeness.

What you don’t know about these fake foods CAN kill you. Your body is meant to digest food, not chemicals and processed crap. In fact, your body doesn’t know how to digest fake crap. This fake food is causing you nothing but problems.

If you haven’t already, rid your house, body, future eating of the following:
Aspartame and fake sweeteners
Refined carbohydrates (white flour, sugar)
Packaged food full of salt (canned soup, pastas)
Unhealthy juice, crackers, cereal, granola bars, microwave popcorn, sugar free whatevers.
Diet foods (Low cal drink mixes, low fat granola bars, low whatever ice cream/desserts/cookies/frozen dinners/any of those ‘quick’ meals)
Sauces & dressings
Eat the following:
Whole Grains
Lean meats
Low Fat Dairy
Nuts, seeds, legumes
Loads of water

After you do this, you will wake up and be a skinny minny who is also healthy and hot. Clearly you have to work out as well, but you know this...right?

It may seem hard at first, and if you are having a hard time now, make one change at a time. Stop buying microwave meals this week, substitute your packaged snacks for a piece of fruit and some almonds next week, give up pop the next, and so on. If you are not there yet, don’t worry, you will get there, it will take time, and if you make small changes one at a time, it is easier than waking up one day and throwing your whole kitchen in the garbage and then going out and spending $1,000 on all new stuff.

Thursday, October 21, 2010


Pic 1

Pic 2
I tried an intermediate yoga class. Let’s just say that I am still a massive beginner yoga learner. I have trouble doing something as simple as holding my hands over my head in a squatting position (pic 1), and the girl next to me has no problem balancing on her hands with her legs stuck out to the side (pic 2)breathing like normal as if she could watch a movie and start eating some popcorn and help her kids with their homework. It was the longest yoga class of my life. I couldn’t wait to go home and sleep. I felt like a fat failure leaving the class like a newly broken horse while the skinny mini yoga pros left looking like models for lululemon, getting on their bikes and into their Priuses while I get into my SUV (what? I cannot lug my bike and mountain biking gear in a Prius!!!)

Happily, the next day I went back to my ‘all levels’ hot yoga class. (Am I weird because I like to be dripping sweat and bent in weird positions?)

Have you tried it yet? Or regular yoga for that matter? You should! It really is great. Yoga used to annoy the piss out of me. But the more I tried it the more I liked it, kind of like when you first beer, you know everyone drinks it so it must be cool, you don’t like it at first, but you want to fit in so you drink it up, then you try a few more, and all of a sudden you love beer? I mean yoga!

Try a few different yoga classes and teachers. Personally I have had no luck at those yoga classes that are offered at the gym, I have had lots of luck at the yoga studios, I find they are the best and have great instructors. The yoga studios usually have introductory rates, and or specials discounts for new students. Usually you can get your first week unlimited, which allows you to try out many teachers, classes, types, and styles.

Reasons to do yoga:

Lean, strong, toned muscles
That means a sexier physique (who doesn’t want that?) and more flexibility which will help with reducing injuries (and other things).

People who do yoga are reported to have a better sex life
(Maybe because they can bend in kinky positions?)
Apparently 75% of women reported a more satisfying sex life just by taking up yoga on a regular basis.

Yoga calms you
If you don’t have the need to relax and enter a quiet, comfortable, zen space where you are away from the daily idiots, then I want you to email me immediately and tell me what you do for a living, and hopefully hire me please.

People who do yoga are cool
What? They are.

People who practice yoga have healthier diets
Think about it, do you see yogis eating cheeseburgers and chilli fries? No, you see them eating cucumber sticks and orange wedges. Yoga will make you feel better about yourself, at least I find that my yoga instructor makes me feel that way (I guess this is why you should try a few different instructors, find one you like, don’t spend an hour or more in a dim room with an instructor you dislike).

Apparently, Naked Yoga Classes are starting in my city. Can you imagine? I don’t like to be in a swimsuit with other people around, let alone buck naked with people around me, bending over showing my lady bits! I think I will try my locked bedroom.

Can you imagine doing the happy baby pose sans clothes?  Gross!


Monday, October 18, 2010


Sigh. The stupid KFC Double Down (AKA a poor fast food version of the equally gross Chicken Cordon Bleu) made it to Canada. And for some unknown reason it is popular? Why? I don’t know. I really don’t know, and I don’t get it.

I was surprised to hear that 47% of Canadians asked said they would like to try the Double Down. Almost 50%, is that surprising to anyone? No?

The ‘argue’ on the street is “it is better than a burger and fries”. Why does everyone compare unhealthy products to that of a burger and fries? Is the burger and fries meal the standard measure of unhealthyness? As long as it has less fat and calories than a burger and fries meal it is justified to eat?

Apparently the Calgary Eaton Centre’s KFC sold out of Double Downs and the line-up was massive.

Tsk Tsk Canada!
Chicken Cheese bacon Chicken

Sunday, October 17, 2010


Have you heard of this stupid diet? You have to take a hormone/enzyme thing (orally or inject) HCG is what the placenta produces when a woman is preggers. HOWEVER, why these people lose weight on this diet is because you can only eat 500 calories a DAY! If anyone eats 500 calories a day they will wither away. So stupid.

"OMG I found this new diet, you don’t eat, and you lose weight! Can you believe that?"

What a moron.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Just because something has lettuce, does not mean it is healthy!

What do I mean? The amount of unhealthy salads out there that are tricking people is way too many.

Lettuce itself is not overly healthy, yes romaine contains a lot of Vitamin A, but drowning it in Cesar salad dressing, croutons, bacon bits, and parmesan pretty much defeats the purpose of eating it for it’s vitamin qualities.

A gal at work asked me to go to Dairy Queen for lunch with her and another woman (they are both new employees and clearly don't know me, also they are both fat, because they eat at places like Dairy Queen) I politely declined (well, I let out a little scoff I am sure) she said that I could get the Crispy Chicken Salad as it is really good and healthy.
I need to sit these people down in a class room and explain the absolute basics of nutrition to them.
Me: "Deep fried chicken, bacon, and ranch dressing does not a healthy salad make. Just because there is lettuce and 6 shreds of carrot in your bowl doesn't make it healthy."

Her: "It's better than getting a burger and fries"

Me: "You know what is even better? Eating something not from Dairy Queen"

My Brain: don’t scream, don’t scream, don’t scream at her

If you took a KFC double down and put it in a bowl of lettuce and poured ranch dressing over it, would you call that healthy? No, no you wouldn't. You would call that the first step in being a couch bum playing computer games in your grandparents basement.

IF you must eat a salad from a fast food place, keep in mind the ingredients that are going on it. And definitely be mindful of the dressing! This is also true for restaurant salads. Restaurants (whether fast food or not) do not care about your waistline, they care about making money. So, if your salad tastes good, they will make money. Period.

No cream dressings, bacon, cheese, croutons, or deep fried anything. Order the dressing on the side, look for healthy fats in your salad to keep you full (almonds, chicken, avocado, tuna, an egg, etc...), and order a vinaigrette dressing on the side. Things like fruit and juicy veggies in your salad will keep the salad moist so you won’t require as much dressing.


Monday, October 11, 2010

How about a fat-turtle-burger to clog your arteries?

Hamburgers aren’t fatty enough, let’s put 2 hotdogs in there, wait...not fatty enough, add some full fat cheese! Hmmmm, still not fatty enough, also it could use a gross dose of sodium and nitrates, oooh, lets wrap it in bacon. OK, now make it look like a cute turtle so the kids will eat it.

Lean ground beef, turkey, or bison, is OK, add some low fat cheese to make a cheese burger, obviously you know by now to skip the bacon and not to eat hotdogs, right? Well, if you still love hotdogs topped with sugary ketchup, keep reading, you will stop loving your childhood fave.

This is ‘Mechanically Separated Meat” found in most hotdogs, chicken nuggets, lunch meats (think bologna), etc...

The bones are put into a machine that scrapes all the bits of meat off. Then this slurry of gross meat bits has some artificial flavouring added, and then it is dyed to match whatever colour it needs to be.


Thanks to Courteney for sending the 'Turtle Burger' picture in.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Healthy Thanksgiving Dinner? Does it exist? YES!

What are the worst culprits on thanksgiving dinner? Desserts, gravy, stuffing, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, some weird dish that has marshmallow fluff in it? (I have never had it, but apparently it is popular?)

So when I look at a ‘typical’ thanksgiving dinner I see: Saturated Fat, loads of sugar, more fat, sodium, trans fats, more sugar, and gross bird wings (ew).

Roasting turkey is great, turkey itself is low fat and nutritious, it is all the additives (stuffing, gravy, cranberry sauce) that make it “bad”.

Save your waistline this year with these tips:

Roast your Turkey, and don’t eat the skin, have white meat

Have roasted potatoes (toss them in a little oil, add spice of your choice, spread them out on a pan, and add fresh rosemary and pepper, bake)

No cranberry sauce (unless you know how to make your own with a healthier sweetener like honey and fresh fruit juice, I do not, so let me know if you do)

Have steamed veggies not green bean casserole

No gravy, unless you want to make one that doesn’t “look” like gravy. Sauté 1 chopped onion and a little bit of celery (1/2 stalk) with pepper, sea salt, and your regular thanksgiving gravy spices, then mix it in a blender with some chicken stock (low sodium & fat, from a box) use as much stock as you need to get the “gravy” the consistency you want it, add it back to the pan to cook and sprinkle a little whole wheat flour in it, let it simmer and it will get thicker, and... voila! You have some “gravy” that slightly resembles baby puke.  But taste good!

No smushy white buns with butter, have whole grain rolls with mushed roasted garlic cloves

Dessert, god...where to start? Baked apples with cinnamon, nutmeg, honey, & raisins is a good start!

Alcohol. None, woah woah woah, just kidding, most of us need alcohol to get through the holidays. Isn’t it easier to tolerate drunk uncle Bob’s stories about when he was in high school driving his trans-am and was totally cool?

Or you could just go out for sushi and not have to cook or clean! 

Most people are going to cheat sometime over Thanksgiving, use your ‘cheat’ wisely and make sure to keep working out!

Monday, September 27, 2010

You need a fit healthy happy body.

Well, as you know, most days I enjoy making fun of the work people in my day to day life, making fun of their excuses, their reasoning for eating shit-food, their constant complaining about being fat while they eat KFC and don't dare move an extra inch. The one 'reasoning' I hear more often than anything else is someone saying it’s OK to do something—as if you are being rewarded, know what I mean? When there is crap-bad-for-you-but-taste-so-good-food in front of you? Here are some examples:

"It is OK to Splurge once and a while"

"You deserve a treat"

"Come on, let lose for one night"

"One cupcake won't kill you"

"You're on Vacation"

"It's your Birthday"

"It's my Birthday"

"It's Christmas"

"It's Thanksgiving"

"It's Easter"

"It's a new moon"

"It's my second cousin's neighbour's son's old college roommate's best friend's dog's birthday, eat up!"

The excuses and reasoning go on and on. But when you think about it, why is it that we regard crappy food as a "treat"? Why would you choose to 'splurge' on nothing but fat and sugar? Because this is what has been drilled into our heads from a life time of "it is okay". I still hear people say this to me, and usually I fight back with some smart ass remark such as 'Oh, I am a healthy eater, so I deserve to eat your apple pie with ice cream because I deserve to be fat?" The other day someone at work offered me a donut (go figure) and I of course said no, (but in my head I said "no you can have my donut as your right ass cheek isn't fat enough") she then said "perhaps if I didn't eat so many donuts I would look fit like you"

Awwwww Shucks!

I responded "yes, if you eat healthy and stay active you would definitely be fit".

She shrugged and grabbed a SECOND DONUT, saying "I have had a rough week".

Why!!!! WHY!!!! Why are our brains sabotaging us with such ridiculous statements? A friend of mine has always said "nothing cures a shitty day like a good workout" and she is 100% right. You have a bad day, you eat crap, you feel happy for the few seconds you eat the crap, and you then feel guilty. OR you have a bad day, you go to a rocking work out and sweat that crap-day right out of your system, letting your exercise endorphins bring you happiness, you then feel satisfied, and better about yourself. Let’s face it; the majority of us have jobs that cause us pain, whether it is stress, overworked, underpaid, donut pushers, etc... Many times it is easier to go home and drown your sorrows in a bottle of wine and some BBQ chips, but this is what fat unhappy people do. Not super awesome fit bitches! So the next time someone gives you the "EXCUSE" to eat crap food, remember that you are awesome and don't NEED their food. You need a fit healthy happy body.

You do not need crap food. You need a fit healthy happy body.

You need a fit healthy happy body.

You need a fit healthy happy body.

You need a fit healthy happy body.

You need a fit healthy happy body.

You need a fit healthy happy body.

You need a fit healthy happy body.

You need a fit healthy happy body!!!!!!!

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Today I got in an argument about using olive oil to pan fry food, because someone at my work is going home tonight to have perogies fried in bacon fat. Fried in bacon fat left over from last night’s supper. I got snarked at because “bacon fat adds flavour”. Honestly, I am exhausted from listening to these unhealthy unfit people try to rationalize their intake of such crap. I simply asked “have you even TRIED using a healthier oil that is good for you?” the answer was a shocking “no”. Then they started talking about things fried in bacon fat, and started moaning and groaning like it was big O time. Sick! Gross! Barfffff! They don’t even realize what they are doing, saying, sounding like. After I comented on the orgasmic bacon lovin’ sounds. They said “it’s better”. Bacon fat is better than sex? Things fried in bacon fat are better than sex??? What is wrong with this world??? What kind of sex are these people having?

Please dear god help these people.  This obsession with bacon is creepy:

Bacon flavoured mints, gum, vodka, lip balm, dental floss???? Ick!

(no, this is NOT me)

* All oils have different smoke points.  Olive oil is best for low/med cooking and Extra Virgin Olive Oil is best for drizzling over food.   For higher heat oil use canola or refer to this chart:

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Am I...."obsessed"? No. I am 100% normal.....right?

Luckily I have many friends that are "get fit & hot" obsessed as I am. I like this, and I appreciate it, especially when other people make me feel like a weirdo (which is every F'ing day at work). Recently a friend and I where discussing our mild obsession, and she mentioned that she is tired of hearing people say "you look fine".

REALLY THOUGH!!!! I am so sick of hearing people say 'you look fine' or 'you're not fat' or 'you look great for your age'.

I don't have kids, but if I did and someone said "you look great for having two kids" I am pretty sure I would kick them in the eyebrow.

If you are one of these people that mutter these words you need to shut the hell up.

Saying any of these statements doesn't make a woman feel good. Don't believe me? Think about every wedding you have ever been too, and every bride you have ever spoke too. Have you ever said "beautiful wedding, you look fine" or "I love the venue you picked, you're not fat" or "congratulation, you look great for your age".

These are not compliments people!

Back to my conversation with my friend who said she is tired of people saying "you look fine", she then said "I don't want to look fine, I want to look fucking awesome".
Don't we all? If you had your choice of looking fucking awesome or fine, which would you choose?
Remember that when you are deciding whether or not to go for a run.

(And to clarify, I mean fine as in "I was sick this morning, but now I feel fine" not homie g-funk saying fine as in "Damnnn Girl, yous is lookin Fine!")

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Feeling guilty?

After eating something less than stellar, take a look at this page, feel better about yourself, and then go work out:

Big chest to small chest :(

Why, why do we have to lose weight from our boobs? This is unfair. Dear universe, my boobs are fine, stop taking fat from them, please start taking fat from my ass instead. Perhaps you could just shift my fat around? Move thigh fat to my boobs? Please?

I was just told that cinnamon also regulates blood sugar preventing crazy spikes and crashes! Add it to your smoothies and oatmeal!

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Ass Kicker!

Unfortunately I just so happen to be friends with the best cookie baker in all of Canada. She makes these mouth watering cookies that look like they came out of a dessert magazine spread, and I am not sure what smells better than fresh baked cookies, or any fresh baked good for that matter. Of course, you cannot have just one of these cookies, as they are that flipping awesome.

Bad fit bitch!

So, way too many calories later, my same cookie-master friend introduces me to a workout that will surely burn off those extra calories and then some. Insanity. Have you heard of this workout? Well, let’s just say, it is appropriately named.


And that was just the 10 minute fit test.

Actual workouts are around 40 minutes; I think I may actually die when it is time to do the actual workout, as that 10 minute fit test was a killer.  This will kick your ass!  Trust me.

Wish me luck!

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Pizza + Burger = BLAH

Oh yay! A pizza Hamburger! Apparently, this “Pizza Burger” has 2520 calories, and 144 grams of fat (59 grams of that is saturated) it also has 3,780mg of salt! So I would have to tread water VIGOROUSLY for four and a half hours to work off that amount of calories. Burger King says this is “meant to be shared” but we all know this is going to be the main course for fatties and stoners.

Eat that, turn to this:


Try cinnamon in your smoothie immediately. It is delicious and has switched up my morning routine! Throw it in with your fruit or chocolate smoothies. Cinnamon is not only tasty it is nutritious too, I know-who would have thought? a mere teaspoon of cinnamon contains 28 mg of calcium!

Next up, I will be trying it in savoury dishes, such as steak or chicken....I am not sure how this will turn out, but I will let you know.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Best Quick Breakfasts?

As you know, I am majorly mental when it comes to making a quick healthy hearty breakfast. Weekends are fine, as you have time to actually make something. However, most days I do not. Actually every other day I do not. I have received a few emails asking what the heck I do for a quick breakfast as most people (myself included) are not even hungry when they wake up.

Drink a smoothie! It is nutritious and hearty (if you make it fit bitch standards!), and most people are thirsty when they wake up, no? Then, buy the time I get to work, I am ready for breakfast # 2 (microwaved oats or something similar).

I don't have time in the morning to do anything else - well really, I could have time if I could get my ass out of bed earlier, but I have been trying to wake up early since junior high school, and I still can't do so, 6:30 is already pretty friggin early! It’s easy to drink a smoothie while driving or on the bus, even walking to work and slurping is easy! So if you are still skipping breakfast, you need to do the following:

1. Slap yourself for being so bad

2. Smarten the hell up. You know breakfast is important! What kind of fit bitch are you?

So back on topic, quick breakfasts!

You may have seen the nice long page on different oatmeal recipes a while ago, generally I stick to a few of these and always make it in the microwave as dirtying pots and waiting is annoying. Some other of my favourite good hearty cereals that you can make in the microwave and create different combinations with fruit/spices/whatever are Oat Bran (purchase in a box, or sometimes a bag) and Red River brand Cereal (takes a while, so pop it in the microwave while you shower or something). Red River is ridiculously hearty and will fill you up like nothing else!

Quick smoothies

I have a travel smoothie cup from Starbucks, it was about $15 and I use it every day. Get one, or one like it. It has a tight fitting lid and a durable straw plus, it keeps your smoothie cold and your hands from freezing to the cup.

Magic bullet: why? Many reasons:

1. The blending containers exactly fit my smoothie cup, so there is no more massive smoothie breakfasts.

2. It is ridiculously easy to clean. I just run it under water when I am done.

3. It comes with 2 blades and multiple blending containers for those days when I don't run it underwater when I am done and strawberry seeds are dried all over it.


4. It is small and cheap! I have had mine for 6 years now, I only use it to make smoothies and crush nuts. However, it is time to get a new one as the blades no longer tear through blueberry skins like they once did.

So every night you are going to put all your ingredients into your little smoothie container. Then you are going to put the blade cover thing on it and put it in the fridge, now tomorrow morning, ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS:

1. Blend for a few seconds

2. Pour it in your smoothie cup

3. Look in the mirror and tell yourself you are fabulous!

So, I could sit here and list off a bunch of different recipes, but let’s be honest, if it is too much work, us fit bitches don't have time to do it.

So I stick to a few basic ingredients and mix up the fruit that I add too it to give it a different flavour. Once you start making these a few nights in a row, you will wonder how you ever lived prior to your smoothie awesomeness.

Basic Smoothie ingredients:

About 3/4 cup of plain low fat yogurt (I estimate this, actually really I just dump it in. I don't have time to measure everything out)

1/2 a banana (submerge the banana in the yogurt, it won’t get too brown that way, then put the other half in the fridge for tomorrows smoothie, a little bit of brown banana won’t kill you but if you can’t stand the thought of brown banana, then give yourself an extra few seconds in the morning to add the banana then)

A scoop of vanilla protein powder and sometimes I throw some psyllium fibre in there.

Then fill the rest up with whatever fruit you want, generally I use frozen strawberries and frozen mango as that is just what I like, but pick whatever fruit combo you like! I love raspberries and kiwis but the seeds get stuck everywhere and then I go to work with black kiwi seeds sticking out of my smile, not too professional.

Since you are doing this the night before, the frozen fruit will melt over night, so you shouldn't need to add any liquid, but if you do, just add some water, don't add extra calories with sugary juice.

The OTHER type of smoothie I frequently make is made with Chocolate protien powder instead of vanilla, I don't care for fruit and chocolate protein powder smoothies (other than banana) so I will usually use the whole banana, more yogurt, a few ice cubes, and pop some natural peanut butter in there, and/or some instant coffee to have a nice mocha smoothie.
Still, so easy, just a few ingredients! Do it now!
Have some of your own easy smoothie recipes? Let’s hear them!

Monday, August 16, 2010

Slacker McGee

I must really apologize for the lack of posts lately. I have severely sprained right wrist, and a regularly sprained left wrist; so needless to say, I haven't been doing much of anything.

New post tomorrow. Pinky Swear.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Downhill biking. Oops.

Well, I decided to rent a downhill mountain bike. I accidently slammed on my front break and flew over the handle bars. Fractured my right wrist and sprained my left. Had to be taken down the hill by patrol, had to wait in the hospital minor-emerge listening to the patients behind the other curtains discuss their own woes (rash in groin guy (gross) and pustule armpit girl (also gross)).

Now, I am extremely limited to the type of work out I can do, also I can barely type.

I may go insane.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Push Yourself

Well, in my quest to get super fit, I decided to do a 45 km bike ride. Not just any bike ride, none of this pussy little pathway bike ride crap, oh no no. To push it fit bitch style, I did a 45 km mountain bike ride. This is going to be awesome.

That was not awesome.

My legs and energy levels where completely depleted before 20 km were up. Uphill 20 km, followed by more uphill, then a one second downhill, guessed it, more and more uphill. We were almost half way, we decided to wait until the halfway point to sit and have a lunch break because apparently there is a gorgeous must see lake that is a short detour from the main trail. Well, the “short detour” made me want to die. I am not sure what type of peyote our trail book author was on when he wrote the review on this trail, but 2 km of treacherous-no-bikes-allowed-be-prepared-to-encounter-wildlife and never get back up the trail you just went down, is NOT a ‘short detour’. We had to push our bikes the whole detour as you could barely walk, let alone ride the trail. Kill me now.
Wait, I just tweaked my knee and it is throbbing, now kill me.

Finally we make it to the lake, well, it was really pretty, but not worth the trek in, I mean, perhaps if you have never seen a mountain lake before? No, even then it wasn’t worth it. Never was I so happy to see other human beings in my whole life. Now if I pass out and die, at least there are other people around to notify the rescue team to helicopter in and get me.

Since I expended every calorie in my body, I mowed down my food at the speed of light, and then my bf and I reflected on the ridiculousness that just happened to us, laughed, favoured my aching knee, and then relaxed in the shade for a bit. When I thought I had enough energy to continue....we slowly left the lake, and it was happily a mix of up and down hill, followed by lots of downhill and then lots of straight-boringness. Ask me how easy it is to bike using only one leg? Not so easy.
We had another chance to stop at a mini waterfall, crystal clear river, and met another biking couple who must have had the same trail book we did as they did the exact same ride, so we we complained and laughed about how the people at the lake must have thought we were either really amazing bikers for having our bikes on that trail, or really stupid bikers, hahaha.

Another 10 km of pain.

6 hours later we make it to the car. I have jelly legs, an empty belly, completely drained, hot, tired, sore, covered in mud and dirt, and....happy.

I am so proud of us. Especially me (as hubby is a golden boy and does everything perfect) completing 45 km of mountain biking!!! The elevation gain was crazy, the views were stunning. However, I am never doing it again. Ever.

My quads are killing me. My OK surprisingly.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Can you believe this exists? Sandwich in a can? Is this a new low in ridiculous food. I saw this product reviewed on a website, where the writer suggested that this would be a GOOD food for kids to take to school. I then commented on his or her article with a sarcastic “yes, this is exactly what the already overweight kids of today need, an over processed preservative laced white bread sandwich in a CAN!” The writer then responded with “I was giving the product a fair chance since I haven’t seen the ingredients list”.

What? People out there think that this product could be good for you, what the hell? When you see/hear stuff like this, doesn’t it make you happy that we fitties have a brain? That we can look at an item of food and know that it is crap? I certainly am!

Hey look, coming soon: Pizza in a can! Burritos in a can! Chocolate bars in a can!

Monday, July 12, 2010

The most ridiculous food.

In my time, I have seen some stupid food out there, food that really shouldn’t even be classified as food. But my trip to the Calgary Stampede last night would make any fit girl (or boy) cringe! Not only is there the long time staples of the fair going strong, but every year they add new retarded stuff that makes me faint when I hear about it and makes me vomit when I actually see people eating it!

Hot beef sundae (yes, potatoes-meat-gravy-sundae)

BBQ turkey legs (People are walking around holding a MASSIVE turkey leg in their hand gnawing away at the bone. SICK!)  No pictures of this as vegetarians  may scream.  I eat meat, but anyone gnawing at a bone makes me queasy!

Anything you want on a stick is available on a stick (deep fried potato chips, hot dogs, and yes, even pizza. Pizza on a fucking stick!)
The regular fair crap: cotton candy, funnel cakes, elephant ears (beaver tails for those of you out east), corn dogs, mini doughnuts around every corner, sno cones, etc...)

Everything deep fried: zucchini, chicken, but, what takes the absolute cake are the following monstrosities I have witnessed:

Deep Fried Coke (I don’t know how this is possible, they have coke ‘syrup’ in a batter, I don’t get it either)

Deep Fried Macaroni and Cheese bites

Deep Fried Oreos

Deep Fried Twinkies

Deep Fried Cheesecake

Deep Fried Pickles (????)

Deep Fried Snickers Bars

And are you ready?

Deep Fried Jelly Beans

Deep Fried Gastric Bypasses also available

Yes, this is all true. This is not even the whole list of grossness available, but if I discuss any further I may hurl on my laptop. What else makes me hurl? The skinny boy sitting in front of me during the fireworks who I watched polish of the following in two hours time: Double burger and Fries, 1 slice of pizza, nachos, 1 large lemonade, and a bag of popcorn. Why is he skinny?! 

In other news, clogged arteries are now free with your Calgary Stampede Entrance Ticket.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Wha the?

OK, so like most women out there in a relationship, I work so hard to lose weight why hubby-dearest eats like a 15 year old boy and never gains an ounce (ARHG!!!). In fact, he is trying to GAIN weight (aren’t we a pair!). So, like a good little girlfriend, I looked online to find out some tips to help him gain weight. Do you know what I found? DO YOU? Well, I found: THE SAME F’ING TIPS THAT ARE TO LOSE WEIGHT!!! Yes, things like:

Drink more water

Eat lean protein

Add protein powder

Eat more vegetables

Lift weights

Get more sleep

Um? These are the same things that we do to lose weight? Clearly we can’t win.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Camping Fit Bitch Style

OK, I don’t really get people who go sit in a tent in the woods just to hang around the campsite all weekend. Now, this may sound contradictory as I LOVE camping. But, I love camping in places with running hot water and campsite that are in a vicinity of awesomeness (hikes, biking trails, the beach, the lake, etc...) Just hanging out in a campsite eating and drinking all day sounds like no fun and makes me antsy just thinking about it. You get up, have greasy bacon and eggs, sit around, have hamburgers for lunch, sit around, drink, snack, then for supper you have god know what, sit and drink more, then it is night time so you roast wieners over the fire (mmrrph), drink more, make smores and eat 6 random roasted marshmallows, then have more snacks, more drinks. Goodness, we are at, what...6000 calories? Not to mention you have been sitting on your ass all day.


1. Kayaks for fun racing and upper body work

2. Bikes for ass and thighs

3. Trail shoes for hiking or a woodsy run

4. Healthy camping food

5. Active Games (Frisbee, toss games, catch, what ev)

Spending the day exerting calories doing fun activities in the sun make that evening beer around the fire go down with less guilt, no? We know what healthy fruits, veggies, and snacks to bring, and having oatmeal, or eggs and fruit for breakfast isn’t that hard. It’s the supper where everyone wants to chow down, followed by campfire snacks, that I find hard! Other than the usually healthy BBQ meals (grilled chicken or fish, roasted veggies, corn on the cob) what about the camping staple? BURGERS!

Healthy Burgers! All of these recipes use:

- Whole grain thin pita bun thing (Superstore, Sobeys) or any type of thin whole grain bun that isn’t white, super healthy fit bitch buns don’t exist, so we have to use the next best thing (unless you want to substitute lettuce leaves or healthy bread for buns)

- NO KETCHUP. Ketchup = sugar, same with BBQ sauce. You are allowed mustard if you wish.

- Super lean burger (meat of your choice, or have a veggie patty) once this is done cooking, feel free to dab with paper towel, or wrap it in paper towel and exert all your weight on it soaking up ALL the excess fat. What?


1. Avocado slices, red onion, feta (light), alfalfa or radish sprouts, tomato slice, dill pickle slices
(this is my absolute fave)

2. Pesto, goat cheese (L), lettuce, tomato

3. Sautéed onion and red peppers, avocado

4. Roasted red peppers (fresh made or from a jar), red onion, sprouts or lettuce, and tomato

5. Light cheddar & salsa

Can you tell I love avocado and tomato? What are your favourites? The ones above are very easy and perfect for camping, they will fill you up and all you have to do is bring a few ingredients/toppings with you.
You will be full of healthy goodness, not of fatty crap, plus you will be able to move after supper.
My office, 10:00 am, four boxes of timbits, two boxes of chocolate muffin tops, 1 half a strawberry rhubarb cake.

My office, 3:00 pm, 1 box of timbits with 3 left, no chocolate muffin tops left, 1/4 strawberry rhubarb cake left.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Hmmmm, someone else thinks just as I do:

Monday, June 28, 2010

It is so nice out! Get off your laptop and get outside!

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

To Cheat? Or Not to Cheat? Um, Not?

If I had a nickel for every times someone asked me what I eat for my cheat days, I would have....well, probably only a few dollars. A whole day of cheating? No. No. NO!

We live a healthy lifestyle, we eat healthy, we work out, we are fit, and we try and change ourselves for the better. Sometimes, unfortunately you have to cheat. There, I said it! I am not going to act high and mighty and say I never cheat, we all do. But what do you 'cheat' with? Is it a burger and fries and a large shake from the ol’ time diner down the street? Or is it a bottle of wine to drink with your girls? If you are still at the point where you REALLY cheat, like binge and have massive meals, then you haven't educated yourself enough. I swear that once you do, you will not want to 'cheat' with massive loads of fatty crap.

Cheating for me is different now. Before I educated myself on food, I was one of those girls that had a McDonalds cheat meal "Hey you were good all week, you deserve a break" God! How ludicrous is this? We worked hard and ate healthy all week, and your "reward" is to negate all your hard work with 1000 calories of crap? So stupid! Reward yourself with clothes, or a pedicure, not food that will make you fat!

Now, a "cheat" is going out to a restaurant and accepting the fact that my whole wheat sandwich bread is going to contain sugar and enriched flour, or that my organic free range beef burger with no bbq sauce or ketchup did not have all that fat squeezed out of it and then rolled in paper towel to get the leftover fat off (beef a la fit bitch style) or perhaps a good “cheat” would be having some drinks and then at 2am splitting a veggie pizza slice on pizza corner when you are visiting your girlfriends and it is the first time all of you have been together in two years (What? Were we going to sit around and drink water and eat carrots? I went for a run and did push-ups and plyometric intervals in the park (while everyone stared at me) before the party night commenced). Popcorn with no butter during a movie? More calories then you really should have consumed for that delicious meal out at that restaurant you have been dying to go to. Now the cheats, well...they aren’t SOO bad. Make sure you work out extra hard that day ;)

Monday, June 21, 2010

We don't diet!

So a woman in my office is attempting to be somewhat healthy (and I use ‘attempt’ and ‘somewhat’ loosely), let’s call her ‘Betty’ another woman (let’s call her ‘Veronica’) was going to pick up lunch and asked Betty if she would like a big Mac meal, Betty said "no" (yay, good for Betty). But 10 minutes later, what does Veronica show up with? A second big Mac meal back for Betty anyway. What the Sweet Fuck? And do you think Betty said "no, I am not eating that as I told you I didn't want one" nope, instead she said "oh Veronica, well since you bought it I have to eat it".

Can you frigin imagine? I am sure if Betty said no, Veronica’s feelings would have been hurt. What a bunch of babies.

Immediately after that, not one, NOT two, BUT THREE!!! Three different people said "wow, aren't you healthy" in regards to my lunch (ww tuna and veggie wrap no condiments & a bowl of cut up veggies no dressings) so after the third Mrs. Obvious pointed this out to me I very calmly and un-snappily said "people say that to me almost every day, did you ever think that perhaps you are the unhealthy one? I don't come in here and point out your lunch and say "wow, aren't you unhealthy" can you just let me eat my food? There is nothing wrong with being healthy". Awaiting a defensive backlash to come my way, I was surprised when she said "your right, we should all be eating like you".

And then continued to eat her ginger beef, fried rice, chicken balls, and egg rolls. Sigh.

Am I the only one surrounded by lunatics? I need to find a job where I am around normal functioning people who don't act like it is the last day they are going to eat before going on Survivor. Other thank becoming a nutritionist, I really am not sure if I will ever find an office filled with all normal people. Remember my office girl that quit weight watchers and decided to just eat healthy and work out? nope, she stopped, apparently it was too hard for her. And the one on South Beach or low carb, or whatever the hell she was on, stopped, she now is just eating like a starved alien who has just discovered North American food. Why can't people understand that just because you aren't 'on a diet' doesn't mean you have to eat like a ravenous zombie. Diets? What the hell! We all know they don't work, we all know that severally restricting your calories makes you hungry causing you to gorge and binge eat.

Just eat healthy, it is so simple! Need chips? Go get organic chips and have a few, not the whole bag. Need Nachos? Make them healthy with organic whole grain chips, low fat cheese (even try feta instead!) load the nachos up with veggies instead of beef. Need ice cream? Have a little bit of natural icecream with natural ingredients! Why is everyone so weak all the time. No, you don’t NEED to have a burger. No you are not going to DIE if you don’t eat that chocolate milkshake. Jesus, when will people stop trying to justify their stupidity and grow a pair!

I always used to get so annoyed when people would say to me “it’s not a diet, it’s a lifestyle change”. I would defensively want to bark at them: MY LIFESTYLE IS FINE. But now (even though I believe my lifestyle is fine) I get what they were saying. Because just because I eat healthy, doesn’t mean I am on a diet. It is just my lifestyle.

Make it yours if you haven’t already.