It is almost 3pm and I am all of a sudden tired and hungry (possible the worst combination) and would fight a small child for a slice of pizza right now. I settle on eating some peanuts, not the best choice of nut for a snack, but I am standing in from of the snack bar at my office, and as delicious as the double chocolate with white chocolate chunk cookies look, I have to stay true to the get fit project. I check the ingredients to make sure there is no added sugar, happy to find there is none; I pour some into my mouth. There there growling belly, eat some nuts now. With a settling down tummy I sit at my desk munching away. I continue to read my peanut package and get to the nutritional info:
18 g of fat per 30 grams of nuts.
This is a 60g bag of nuts. THAT IS 36 GRAMS OF FAT IN JUST A FEW MOUTHFULS OF NUTS!!!!
Uhg. Why does the world hate me today?
Bag of nuts is now in the garbage. I am still hungry and want to eat their salty goodness so to avoid temptation (and anyone seeing me eat peanuts out of my garbage) I turn the package upside down and make sure all the nuts topple through to the bottom.
Sigh. Decaffeinated Chai tea for an afternoon snack it is.
Salty foods always make me crave something sweet. This is why chocolate covered pretzels are so damn good.
But REALLY: Carbs+chocolate+salt=LARD ASS!
Now my sweet tooth has to be controlled with natural treats like grapes, and berries. I can’t take being hungry anymore and decide to sneak out for some food. I tell the receptionist to hold my calls and that I have to run out to meet a client (and by client I mean overpriced blueberries and raspberries from the local Safeway).
Now, those of you who do not visit a Safeway grocery store, it is just like any other grocery store except the majority of their clientele are 70+. There is ALWAYS slow white haired grannies counting change, and yelling at the cashiers about coupons. The absolute adorable thing about the Safeway today, is that in front of me, there is a couple, I would say about 80. They are standing in front of the berries with their arms linked together, she is trying to ask him if he thinks she should use fresh or frozen blue berries to make him blueberry bran muffins, he decides that the fresh ones taste better so they start grabbing a few pints of blueberries. They are so adorable, I sit back and wait for them to finish instead of my normal rushy self elbowing people to get out of my way as I am flipping hungry and am going to faint if I don’t get some nourishment. The granny is loading her cart with a very shaky hand, moving as slow as 80 year olds do.
She looks at the price sign of the blueberries and says:
“Five fucking dollars”
“snrrrrhggg BA ha hahahahaa” I snort out loud because old people swearing is funny shit, and they can’t hear me anyways.
As they move on, I grab 2 small things (pints) of blueberries and 2 small things of raspberries and a bag of snap peas.
I get to the till and?
For my snack, well two days’ worth (okay okay, one day’s worth).
This, is yet another reason why people are fat. Healthy fresh food cost so much more. This is why I would normally have a granola bar for a snack (no, not the chocolate dip kind or the kind with peanut butter chips, I would have All-Bran bars or Nature Valley....but...alas...sugar has been added to them, so now they are nixed).
I go back to the office, and run to the break room to grab some tea, there are three people eating the following:
Pop tarts (Which I didn’t think adults ate)
Cheezies (Two Halloween sized bags, which also is a fat kid’s snack)
Doritos and a can of orange pop (Orange pop? Who over the age of 9 and isn’t getting a happy meal drinks orange pop?)
I decide to sit down with my snap peas and berries to set an example, and I get this remark:
“Don’t you get sick of eating rabbit food?”
Is all this conduct new? Is it just MY office? Do I need to go work at a nutritionist convention in order to get some peace?
“Don’t you get sick of eating neon orange sticks that mould doesn’t even grow on when it has been under the sofa for a year?” I say in a joking manor to try and get my peers to except my “weird” habits.
“Nope, I would rather be fat and eat what I want.”
Yeah right! Like anyone would RATHER be fat. Ya I hear people everyday say that they are trying gain weight, and they wish they could just be 2 sizes bigger, all the celebrities and models are fat, and if only they looked like Rosie O’Donnell or a had a torso like Happy Buddha, and of course all the diet companies out there that go bankrupt each year because no one wants to lose any weight.
I would like to tell Mrs. Orange powder lips, that I would rather be skinny, not to mention have arteries that work and clothes that fit. But of course, this type of behaviour is not appropriate towards people being unhealthy, only can you say such snide remarks to thin and healthy people (or in my case, thinner than they are). So instead I just smile.
As I leave the break room, the mousy girl from I.T. with the blonde roots and the black hair tells me:
“I wish I had your will power, don’t listen to what she says, it’s good that you eat the way you do”.
I want to hug her.