Thursday, January 14, 2010

Please help me find healthy cereals (day 57)

Healthy cereals certainly are hard to come by. I find most truly healthy breakfast foods are. I used to think I was so good for adding All-Bran Buds to everything so I could get that added fibre I so need. Unfortunately those little buds are filled with sugar and don't really even have THAT much fibre. Damn false advertising!

Here I was with my "a little fibre sugar buds added to sugar Activia yogurt" oh I am so healthy with all my sugar.  Have you seen the commercial for Nutella? “Made with wholesome natural ingredients like skim milk, hazelnuts, and cocoa”. Umm, you know the first ingredient in Nutella is sugar right? Hmmm, that is funny, I don’t recall hearing that on the commercial, they must have just forgot their main ingredient. A-holes!

I have been living off oatmeal, oatbran, and Kashi brand, but I need more!  Variety is the spice of life as we are told.
You can imagine my elatedness when I found a new cereal that contained no sugar. I was in the grocery store yesterday morning and made it about halfway down the cereal aisle, one box of each type of cereal was in disarray as I would pick it up, read the ingredients, find sugar listed, and toss the box haphazardly back on the shelf in a mini fit of annoyance. Some old hag was behind me getting annoyed and sighing loudly as I must have been in her way whilst I was educating myself on all the ingredients I am about to put in my body.

“Sigh” sighs old hag
“Can I help you?” sighs me
“I just need to get a box of mini wheats please”
“Sure, I can pass them to you, would you like white sugar, brown sugar, blue sugar, or pink sugar mini wheats?”
No longer acting like a hag the old lady says “Brown sugar please” (oblivious to my poking fun) “have a nice day dear”.
(awwww she called me dear, now I feel bad for calling her an old hag!)
Even all the organic cereals are against me "organic sugar"--um, ok I will eat this and then go have some organic cigarettes and perhaps a hit of organic heroin, then I will eat some deep fried free range chicken wings dipped in organic free trade sweet BBQ sauce.

I purchased "Alpen" by Weetabix. The picture on the box makes the Alpen cereal look so yummy, super healthy granola filled with raisins, oats, brown rice crisp things, yum.

Sidebar: when I was a kid, I used to hoard Weetabix in my room and eat them dry in my bed. Can you believe that shit? True story. This is why I was a fat kid, because I hid food in my bed and ate it right before snooze time.

Finally home, and so excited to eat this, I open it and pour it into my bowl.

It looks like floor sweepings.

Not at all like the damn box. It is all dusty and looks really dry and old and stale. Sigh. Tasting it does not make me happy, it tastes like a piece of cardboard that was ground up and tossed in a bowl with some oats and raisins.

This is why people are averse to being super healthy, floor sweepings cereal that taste like paper.

Thank goodness for vanilla soy milk. It was only half boring once I flavoured it with the soy milk, but toss some berries and banana in there? YUM! My new favourite breakie!

Give me your healthy, quick, sugar free breakie ideas! Or I will soon be one of those dummies who skip breakfast.

Just kidding, I don’t know how to skip meals or snacks.


  1. 1. try an eggwhite omelet with a slice of whole grain bread. It's a delicious and balanced breakfast.
    2. Oh, and soy milk (unless specified otherwise), is 3.5% equivalent to milk fat. SoGood use to make 'skim' soy milk but stopped because it wasn't selling (too many fatties didn't like it).
    3. 'Total' cereal is the best i've even tasted (for a low card, under 3 grams of sugar cereal) however its only sold in the US.
    4. and finally, once you get used to lean eating (and I mean after months of doing so) you stop caring about what your food taste like because you have a wicked sexy body to look atand nothing (i.e. food or beverage) would make you wanna jeopardize it. :-)

  2. I enjoy post shredded wheat with bran, spoon size or regular . . . no sugar. I eat mine with a touch of honey and fruit. Very quick and easy in the groggy morning.