Wednesday, January 6, 2010

I am surrounded by morons (Day 50)

Kraft-dinner-leftovers-with-ketchup-for-lunch-girl came over to my desk today with a pack of cookies under her arm, asking me if I like Pirate Peanut Butter Cookies. I told her that I probably did when I was a kid but haven’t seen or eaten them since (kind of like Kraft Dinner with ketchup served out of a recycled cool whip tub you crazy weirdo). She then looked at me like I had a pencil stuck in my nose and snarled “you don’t even KNOW what you are missing”. Well, actually, I do know what I am missing: hydrogenated oil, processed carbs, and too much sugar to name a few. But, since I have resolved to be nicer to these freaks, I kept my mouth shut and said “Well it is probably better I don’t know, anyway...I thought your resolution was to lose weight?” She then said this as her defence:
“Yah, but Barb brought them in for me, so I am going to eat them”

In a heroic feat of self control I didn’t bitch slap her across the face.

“Riiiight, but once you get home Barb won’t know if you throw them out”
“What. I am not going to throw away perfectly good food”
(Perfectly good food?)
“So Barb brings in an opened bag of pirate cookies that cost her $3. Gives them to you because she doesn’t want them anymore, EVEN though she knows you are trying to lose weight, and you take them, and you are going to eat them to save her feelings and not your waistline? EVEN though you yourself JUST said you need another cookie like you need a hole in the head?”

Kraft-dinner-leftovers-with-ketchup-for-lunch-girl: “Ya, I don’t want to waste them”

I am going to go postal.

I really don’t know how much longer I can take this nonsense. Eating a bag of cookies to save someone’s feelings. Eating a bag of cookies so they won’t go to waste? That is complete BS for two reasons:

1. How on earth would someone’s feeling be hurt by this?
2. Those cookies won’t go bad as there is nothing natural about them.

Sigh, and that is why you are out of breath when you walk up the stairs.

Now, I know it is not my job to lecture people on what to eat or how much crap is in their food. So most of the time I keep my mouth shut. I mean, there is nothing more annoying than a holier-than-thou food critic telling you their superior nutrient knowledge while you eat. I really don’t care what food you are eating or what you do in your spare time, what bothers me is the fact that you are complaining about being fat and lethargic and how you can’t lose any weight, but yet all you do is complain. No the weight is not going to magically drop because you ate an apple as your snack today, but just shut your mouth and stop bitching.

That is my job.


  1. Nothing says, "health food" like hydrogenated oil. Yummy...

  2. your co-workers depress me and make me want to stab myself....let's hear more about your fun attempts to try new exercise classes.