I am 30 and take recess (Day 51)

I take two recesses a day: a morning snack and an afternoon snack. Are you eating 5 or 6 small meals a day? All of them balanced meals including veggies, carbs, healthy fat, and protein?

Today I was so busy running around preparing for a meeting that I missed my morning snack, even though I was starting to get shaky and irritable due to my lack of nutrition in the past 5 hours, I still had the will power to not indulge in the box of donuts that were supplied for our meeting. I just sat there, not paying attention to whatever that meeting was about, gulping my water and herbal tea, dreaming of the moment I could eat. I never miss eating, I am clockwork, just had one of those days with a billion people breathing down your neck waiting for stuff to get done.

Work makes me fat I have decided.

I put up such a big stink about how we always have crappy food at our office meetings that today my manager told me that we are going to have Subway for our lunch meeting tomorrow.

(Yes, I do have a lot of meetings. They are all extremely interesting and important (not).)

I know her heart was in the right place, but I don’t eat at subway, their bread has sugar and over processed flour, and most deli meats are usually loaded with sodium and nitrates, and that chicken patty thing doesn’t even look like chicken. But I know that Subway seems like a healthy place to eat for people who eat crap daily, and yes it is a better choice over the pizza, Vietnamese, or fast food that is usually ordered. So I spared the whole “hurting someone’s feelings over not eating their food” and said “mmmm I really love Subway salads, can I order that instead of a sub?” She happily obliged and I thanked her, and then wrote my order down for a veggie salad with no cheese, no dressing, and no croutons.

I then got a weird look which I just ignored because I am used to people thinking I am a weirdo.

“Sooooo, you want just a bowl of lettuce and vegetables?”

“Yes please!”

What? Subway cheese is weird, croutons are stale white bread, and I will bring in my own healthy homemade dressing!

My life revolves around food. How much to eat, how little to eat, calories, fat, ingredients, when to eat, when not to eat, where to eat out. It is such a pain in the neck some days I wish I lacked the will power and strength to succeed as a supper healthy fit wannabe and could just mosey into work without already having a balanced healthy breakie carrying a huge lunch bag filled with containers of fruit and veggies and snacks and a yummy lunch, also carrying my gym bag, also carrying my purse, also carrying my heels to wear in the office. I look like a bag lady when I am going to work.

I get to my desk in the morning, after lugging 20lbs of my junk up the stairs (only one flight thank god), Smokey McGee strolls in with her smoke stink and her double double and a buttered bagel that smells like heaven...oh I mean like crap! Bad Bagel! She says : “Are you moving in?” and then laughs herself into an asthma attack.

Remembering that I am not supposed to physically hurt people or swear at work. I muster up a clearly fake laugh and hold my anger in, I then hear this: “You wouldn’t have to bring so much food if you would just eat a burger and fries or something else with a little fat you know”.

(A little fat?)

Does she want to get hurt?

I do eat a fat: the proper healthy fats. Why is it sociably acceptable to poke fun at healthy people? Or thin people? I am not thin at all, but I hear people making jokes about thin people, right to their face:

“Eat some fat; it will do you some good to put meat on those bones”
“You are just skin and bones, no wonder you are cold”
“When you turn sideways I can’t see you”

This is fine to do, but commenting on someone who is fat and unhealthy is not?

People comment to smokers all the time about quitting, or cutting back, people are SO supportive of anyone trying to quit smoking. But if a fat person is trying to diet and be healthy, people are all over sabotaging them, “You have been dieting all week, come have dessert with us, one time won’t hurt” . Would anyone say this to a smoker? “Oh you haven’t had a cigarette all week, come out and have a smoke with us, one cigarette won’t hurt”.

Our world needs an attitude adjustment. I am going to bitch about it until everyone has compassion for those who choose to eat based on health for their bodies and not based on TV ads and convenience.