Thursday, February 11, 2010


Oh Jamie Oliver....I used to love you, but recently I saw your “Jamie Oliver: Australian Diary” and it was super tacky and beyond lame....oh, and your Song you sang and danced to on stage and broke out into a drum solo called “I want a Fish Stew” while you had fish stew cooking....well, when you sing it with your lisp and accent, it sounds like “I wanna Fist You” tsk tsk Jamie Oliver, TSK TSK!! Go back to your garden and cook natural food please, that is why people love you, not because you are a semi-ok-at-best drummer.

Props to the soup sampler guy who sold me the eight dollar soup.
I said “MMMMM, it is so hard to find yummy soup that doesn’t have sugar in it”
and he said “I KNOW RIGHT?”
hee hee, I want to be his friend—but I am afraid of dreadlocks.

Dear Men,
Do you have to take up so much room when you sit next to me? Yes, you have a penis, I get it....could you close your legs a little, I promise no one will think you are gay.

To: Mr. Beef-Head-barbed-wire-tattoo-epitome-of-douchbaggery at my gym,
Is it completely necessary for you to grunt and drop your weights on the floor when you are done your reps? Yes, we are all startled by the noise causing us to look over to your general direction seeing your huge weights on the floor understanding that you must have just lifted them to exhaustion, hero. This wasn’t impressive the first time, nor is it impressive the tenth time. Take your sideways trucker hat and wrist band away from my Zen space.

She who keeps bringing her boys into the changing room at my gym. USE THE FAMILY ROOM!!! Penis do not belong in the women’s changing room. Just as little girls do not belong in the men’s changing room. God, use your head you sicko! You make me feel like a prev, I don’t like to be naked around ten year old boys! ARHG!

Second Cup Cafe: While you felt like you had to charge me an extra fifty cents for soy milk in my decaf coffee that literally measured to 1 tablespoon makes me want to boycott your whole chain. You should have options for those who can’t have or don’t want your milk and cream that has been sitting out all day. When I asked you to leave lots and lots of room for milk, that means leave lots and lots of room for milk, not fill the cup the same way you fill the other cups and then charge me extra. Bad coffee place. BAD!

1 comment:

  1. Love that gym comment, that's exactly why I am a member of ladies only gym.