Hot Yoga

Finally I got to try hot yoga tonight. I have had so many mixed reviews, some love it, some hate it, some say the heat makes you stretch more than you should and that is bad, some say stretching more than you think you can is good. Some say they feel like they are going to pass out when in the hot room. Either way, I like stretching, being hot, and burning calories, so I will love hot yoga I am sure.
For this class I am at a swanky overly zen yoga studio that does nothing but yoga. I am waiting outside the studio door with about 40 other people, so naturally I size up everyone there. I am the second fattest, that sucks. Everyone else’s posture is better than mine, which also sucks. Clearly I am not a serious yoga goer, as I don’t have two towels, I don’t have a matching glass water jug thing, and I am obviously wearing way too much clothing. I thought capris and a tank top would be OK, but looks like shorty short shorts are the only way to hot yoga it up.

A ridiculously smoking hot guy comes over and waits at the door, I want to reach out and touch him to see if he is real, or just a figment of my imagination, but truly I don’t think my imagination could dream up someone so gorgeous. He opens his mouth to talk to the guy next to him and....Australian accent!!! Oh man, what a hottie.

Finally the door opens and we all pour into the room. It really isn’t that hot in here, what are people talking about? This is more like ‘warm yoga’. I position the center top of my yoga matt on the little arrow on the floor (making sure to stay far away from the hot Aussie or I won’t be able to focus on my downward dog) and I cannot believe how close I am to everyone around me. There are now about 50 of us jammed into this room. And, yes, it is getting warmer. Everyone is doing their own yoga poses while we wait for the instructor. I don’t know what to do so I just sit there and try to correct my posture.

Finally we get started. Man it is warm in here. Why is the girl beside me sweeting so much, it isn’t THAT hot. Thank goodness there is no B.O. stench in here as that would make me vomit all over my shinier-than-everyone-else’s-yoga-matt-as-mine-is-brand-newbie. About 30 minutes in I feel like I am going to pass out, but I like it. I like the tingly warm sensation, I like how my instructor is reminding me to breathe and correcting my positioning (he must sense I am a newbie), I like holding a weird pose and shaking and pushing through until finally you get to release and feel the calmness rush over you.

I am DRIPPING sweat, it is running into my eyes, down my back, giving me swass, wtf is my shin sweating? How does ones shin sweat? Why do I not have a headband on? My hair is sticking to my face. I can feel my cheeks burning up, and my instructor must have seen my fire engine red cheeks as he asked me if I was OK. God, can I exude any more “FIRST TIME TO HOT YOGA” vibes? Jesus, please don’t faint, please don’t fall over!

Finally we are done the hard stuff in into the cool down (if you can get any cooler in a room as hot as the sun). I am glistening with sweat, and I look like I was just thrown into a pool with my clothes on. But I feel so amazing. Very relaxed, very zen, and very tired.

This is a lot of fun. I definitely recommend it and I will be doing it again.

Make sure to bring:
lots of water, and make sure you have stayed hydrated throughout the day.
A large towel to put over your matt AND a small towel to soak up a bucket of perspiration.
Wear the least amount of clothing possible, when I am a sexy fit bitch I will totally be one of those skanks in class with the teeny shorts and sportsbra only.
Wear your hair up and away from your face.