Well, here we are. Almost 8 weeks until the wedding, a beach wedding as I like the pressure apparently. My dress finally arrived and surprise! It is too small. I don’t get it. I am not eating until the wedding, and I am working out 20 hours a day. That should lose the last ten pounds no?
Someone at my new Nazi-yoga studio stole my yoga matt. A super sweaty (right after hot yoga) matt rolled up with my equally sweaty towel. Someone took my matt and put the towel in the lost in found, stealth move, what a jerk! Since when do yogi’s steal? Aren’t they supposed to be a zen and love the world? Hopefully karma makes them fart loudly in yoga class.
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(Law and order music plays)The perp is likely an avid “Fit Bitch” blog follower, and had noticed similarities between you and your blog posts, while practicing their yoga at the back of the group. They had been watching you for a couple of classes just to be sure that they in fact did have the real “Fit Bitch” in their class. (Now to the theme of criminal minds) The perp is likely single, a loner, probably suffering from some unnamed physiological disorder with blogging celebrities. Living in a basement apartment that only has one window the perp likely covers it with tin foil to block out any interference that may disturb her constant rereading of the “Fit Bitch” blog. They have been constructing a shrine of “Fit Bitch” memorabilia, mainly used gym towels, empty water bottles, and a few very distorted cell phone pictures that they tried to candidly take while having fake conversations on their minute less pay as you go. (Now to the theme of CSI Miami) Horatio Caine walks in the door of the basement apartment, sunglasses in hand. Only to find a note, pinned to the middle of the shrine “If you ever want to see Fit Bitches Yoga mat again check my ebay account dirtyyogathief” Horatio slowly puts on his sunglasses and says “well i guess this one is all rolled up” (as the Who’s” Won’t get fooled again” ques up in the background)
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