Day 59 (Salt Water Flush)

OK, today’s entry is a little different; it is a ‘live’ entry in a way. It is Saturday morning right now (as I am typing, not when I got around to posting it) and I am about to do a salt water flush! How exciting, I am so cool to sit home Saturday morning to do a cleanse, sigh...the things we do to be healthy.

As someone who does a cleanse ever year around this time, I decided not to do one this year as my eating habits have already drastically changed, however, I still feel the need to cleanse. Psychological? Perhaps, but there is no doubt that a cleanse is good for you. If you have never done a cleanse, do some research or ask your friends to see if they have done one. There are so many out there, I have purchased the all natural pills from many different brands, I have done one where you just eat certain foods, there are juice cleanse or liquid cleanses (also known as fasts) and there is the salt water cleanse, which I am attempting for the first time in a few minutes.

Salt Water Cleanse (or Salt Water Flush) is so easy. Here is what you do:
First thing in the morning when you wake (preferably quite early) you are going to drink a lot of warm water mixed with salt and a little lemon juice to flavour. Then you are going to wait a few hours for the salt water to ‘flush’ out your system. Apparently you need to stay home and close to a bathroom for a few hours, so don’t do this flush on a work day or before a date please.

1 litre (1 quart) of water, (warm, like tea or soup temperature, you need to drink it in under 15 minutes)
2 tsp of natural sea salt (do not use table salt)
1-2 Tbsp of lemon juice
When the mixture is a good temperature to drink, bombs away! Here I go:

8:20 am
This doesn’t taste as bad as I thought, but it is not easy to get down. It tastes like salty Neo Citron.
I am trying to plug my nose but it doesn’t help. I thought if I put some cotton balls in my nose it would help, but then one fell out into my glass while I was drinking. GROSS!

8:30
I need a breather, this is tough. It was too hot so I added some cold water, which was dumb because now I have that much more to drink

8:40
Finally done. That was torture and a lot of salty water to drink.

So now I am laying on my bed with a massive water filled belly waiting for the magic to happen.

9:00
I feel nothing, why don’t I have to pee yet?

9:15
I am really thirsty. Am I allowed to drink more water? Or will that mess up the salt level. Since nothing is happening, I will use this time to give some facts about the Salt Water Flush:
-Some people do this every morning for a week, and then a few times a week, and then once a week
(who has time to sit home and shit all day?) I am not doing it every day, I am doing it once.
-The point of any cleanse is to mobilise trapped waste in your intestines and colon and then eliminate them, cleaning your innards of unwanted toxic waste that your body absorbs from the food you eat and the environment you live in. Cleanses can help with digestive problems and other ailments.

9:30
I still feel nothing except the urge to drink un-salted water
Google “Salt Water Flush” and educated yourself on it before you try it. Do not take my word for it as I am not a medical practitioner, of course you should check with your doctor before starting anything, but no one ever does, that is just what people have to say so they avoid being sued. I researched it and asked people who did it, so that is why I chose to do this particular flush.
9:40
I have to pee. Brb.

9:41
That was uneventful, this cleanse is boring. I am going to do some yoga and try to “stimulate” my insides.

9:45
That was a bad idea, I now feel like I am going to barf. I am back to lying on my side cuddled up in bed. Apparently this is supposed to work within 2 hours after drinking the solution, so I have passed hour one and now I am scared that I am going to explode.

10:25
I am hungry and thirsty and am not having any flushing experience, this is bollocks!

10:50
I am pissed I wasted my whole morning for a poo explosion. Stupid salt water cleanse. I am about to get on with my day. I hope I don’t peep my pants.
4:30pm
Nothing.