FitBitch

eventually...

2012-02-08T14:08:00.000-07:00

2011-08-02T19:54:00.003-06:00

New post soon, sorry for the delay.

Next new post in July. Off to get married soon.

2011-05-16T23:41:00.002-06:00

(Boooo)t camp

2011-05-01T18:22:00.000-06:00

Well, since my wish for a week long stomach flu to come and make me not eat and therefore become skinny really quickly...I signed up for boot camp. I am a nut ball, boot camp kills me.

I go to this gym....well...not really a ‘gym’ per say....more like a hard core training facility with sand pits, big tires, ropes, a lot of weights, and crazed instructors walking around. As excited as I am to run through the sand and scale walls, I can’t help but be nervous (what if I can’t do it, what if I look silly, what if I pass out, what if my shorts get hooked on the wall and when I jump over they rip and show my butt to everyone)? NO! Suck it up princess, you don’t get skinny by dreaming it so, climb that rope bitch!

Oh, uh, sorry....got in boot camp mode there for a second. So back to class....

Warm up (felt more like a workout to me) was on the spin bikes (uh, spin! One of the workouts I hate more than anything) and it was tough. The instructor would come around and turn up the tension and make us bike with one leg (whimper) I was gasping and dying and ready to try and sneak lower my tension back down to the baby level, but I was caught and reprimanded with an even higher tension (wahhhh) and then, no word of a lie, the Rocky theme song starts playing (swear to god!). So I muster up the strength to try and finish, and whisper-yell “Adriannnnn” to the two girls next to me as a joke, but they must be too young and just stare at me blankly like I called them Adrian even though their names are probably Bambi and Barbie judging by the size of their hope earrings and their cleavage (they do know this is an all girls boot camp right?).

Finally we finish the so called ‘warm up’ and it is on to more intense stuff like:

Jumping rope with an extra heavy mutant jump rope

Running on a treadmill that isn’t turned on (ya, try that at the gym and see if anyone stares at you like a dumdum)

Doing too many weights, push ups, sit ups, burpees, squat jumps, double and triple squat jumps, something else that made my ass hurt but I just can’t explain in type...it is like crawling...like a crab, but forward??? Does that make sense? I call it the ass hurter.

Wow, 45 minutes of hell and man do I feel awesome. I walk like a shaking leaf to the change room, accidentally walk into the men’s change room (thankfully empty so I didn’t see any peens or hairy man-butts) I chug a bottle of water, munch some protein and veggies (hard boiled eggs and veggie stick which sat in my car all day...nice) drive home, and sleep like a milk-drunk baby.
Next day at work, while practicing my sexy walk to the printer, I feel nothing but butt and thigh pain. It is hard to walk, sit, squat, basically move.

It is my new favourite thing.

Pole Dancing Fitness?

2011-04-10T18:57:00.000-06:00

Pole Dancing Fitness Class? Me?

Yes, that is right, why not give it a try?

I must admit I considered bailing a few times as pole dancing class sounds so...well sluty! But I am trying new fitness things, and this is a new thing....so here we go! I arrive early for the class, and there is no waiting area inside, so I sit in my car watching the previous class "perform", clearly they are a couple levels ahead (maybe semi-pro strippers?). As I watch the girls from my car I am very aware that I resemble a pervert parked in the lot peeking through the cracks in the curtains to watch amateur pole dancers. It does look...semi fun? More than anything it looks scary as so many people are watching you whore it up. My god that blonde chick just turned upside down and wrapped her legs around the pole, let go of her hands, and slid gracefully down to the floor and did some hooker get up move, man...will I have to do that? I am not sure these thighs are cut out for rubbing down a brass pole bearing all my weight.

It is time to go in, and I am happy to report that the rest of the new girls look just as scared as I do. I am also surprised to see chubby girls, a very chubby girl, and old woman, and a very old woman, good for them for branching out and taking stripper lessons! The rest of the other girls look like me which makes me happy. When it is my turn at the reception desk I say "Hi, I am here for stripper lessons."

Whoa...I get a death look

"UH, you mean pole dancing class?" the receptionist snaps.

I rack my brain and try to think of another 'profession' that would utilize a stripper pole in their daily duties, but decide to not piss off the receptionist with a bull ring through her nose (does she wear that while stripping?).

"Oh, sorry...yes I want to dance with the pole please"

Bull nose is not impressed and she sends me to the floor group first (dammit!).

I go to the group stretching on the mats (apparently you need to limber up before straddling a pole?) the girl next to me whispers "why do they only have 5 poles when they have classes of 15?" I reply "to punish the ones that call it stripper lessons apparently" she laughs and we are instantly best stripper friends.

Well, I must say. There is more to pole dancing class than flinging yourself around a pole. One, you have to learn to do everything "sexy" there is none of this flopping down on the floor and then jumping back up like you normally would, oh no no no. You have to cat crawl around, and thrust your pelvis around, and POINT YOUR FEET (as I keep getting yelled at to do), and stick that tush out I am told more than once. Also, you are not allowed to walk normal, you have to sexy-walk everywhere, which is actually quite fun.

OK, I instantly feel sexier now that I can walk and crawl like a temptress. LET ME AT THE POLE!

Finally it is my group’s turn to slut it up at the poles. We clean them first (gross) and then learn your basic stripper moves (I mean pole dancing class moves) and now it’s time to grab the pole with your hands (insert dirty joke here) and slide down gracefully, holding all your weight, sliding ever so sexy down the pole and lay sultry down on the floor. Yay I can't wait to try.

Time to sexy-walk up to the pole, my turn!

I now have pole burn.

How did she do that? I did exactly what my instructor did, but instead of slipping around gracefully and oozing stripper elegance, I gyrated down the pole like a vibrating dildo making an unattractive squeaking noise and slammed into the floor. God! I sexy-walk away in shame.

So after an hour of stripper lessons...sorry, I mean pole dancing class...I have come to the following conclusions:
1. This is not a ‘workout’ more of an activity
2. Pole dancing is F*cking hard
3. Strippers deserve those $5 bills they get stuffed in their G-strings
4. I really want to ask the instructors if they are strippers, but figure that will be rude. (do you think they are? I need to know.)

So the next day:
1. My hands are sore from grasping pole (insert another dirty joke here)
2. The tops of my feet are bruised as I don’t know how to gracefully slide down a pole
3. I catch myself sexy-walking to the printer twice
4. I almost try a spin on the stop sign. Almost, it was too wobbly and probably would buckle under the pressure.

7 weeks to go

2011-04-03T14:52:00.000-06:00

We as you know I (and most of my bridal party) am trying to lose those last pesky fat pounds so we can rock it on the beach in a mere 7 weeks. We want to look like hot sexy models and not like this:

Or at least that is how I see myself in my mind some days when that EFFing scale won’t budge, and that stupid measuring tape doesn’t get any smaller.

So what I need is ‘extra’ help....but what? I am desperate and at the point where I find myself looking at fat burner pills, and Jillian Micheals Detox pills....but as we know...whole healthy food and exercise is key, not pills. Calories are already being counted, fat and carb grams are being watched....exercising as much as possible....What else can I do?

How about kick my ass into high gear: Signed up for BIKINI BOOT CAMP!

Oh my god what have I done? First class is this week, I will keep you posted :)

No yoga for a bit...

2011-03-23T21:06:00.002-06:00

Well, here we are. Almost 8 weeks until the wedding, a beach wedding as I like the pressure apparently. My dress finally arrived and surprise! It is too small. I don’t get it. I am not eating until the wedding, and I am working out 20 hours a day. That should lose the last ten pounds no?

Someone at my new Nazi-yoga studio stole my yoga matt. A super sweaty (right after hot yoga) matt rolled up with my equally sweaty towel. Someone took my matt and put the towel in the lost in found, stealth move, what a jerk! Since when do yogi’s steal? Aren’t they supposed to be a zen and love the world? Hopefully karma makes them fart loudly in yoga class.

Bikram?

2011-03-08T19:48:00.003-07:00

So I didn’t realize that there are so many different types of yoga, and I don’t mean just different poses and beginner verses advance and hot verses not. I went to a yoga studio called Bikram yoga. Never heard of it, thought it was just a granola yoga name for the studio. BUT it was a different bread all together, for one, they had two people working the desk (unheard of) they had TWO changing rooms (wha tha?) and they had lockers (I know right? I though yoga people where all zen and too cool to stoop to theft).

So as I am waiting in the hall for the current class to end, the other main difference I notice is the amount of men in this class, it is at least 1/3 men (about 60 in the class). The doors open and the reddest, sweatiest, most tired looking group of people I have ever seen start to saunter/stumble out. When it is my turn to enter, I immediately regret my decision of coming as it is so hot (40 degrees Celsius) and there is no zen yoga paraphernalia just a big empty room that has a weird diagonal wall that throws off my center line when I am trying to align myself in front of the mirror (so stupid).

I do my usual pre-class ritual, sit there looking like I know what the hell I am doing, but really I am people watching and checking out everyone around me. The man next to me (decked out in TIGHT lulu) has the biggest pecs I have ever seen, like two cantaloupes taped under his shirt. He catches me staring at his pecks and does one of those moves where one peck flexes and then the other one does, I laughed out of awkwardness, not impressiveness. Making a mental note to not look to my left ever again I scan the rest of the class, one girl has the same yoga matt and the same water bottle as me, clearly she has good taste and we can be friends, maybe she will comment me on my top and I will say I like her shorts and we will be yoga buddies forever and have post class fruit picnics with....wait...does she have a neck tattoo? I don’t think I can handle that in a friendship.

As I am weight obsessed I scrutinize each woman’s body in the class (I do this where ever I am: seminars, stores, parties, I can’t help it) and decide that I am yet again larger than most of the woman here, DAMIT!

Class is about to start and a straggler comes in late and sets up his mat directly in front of me, he starts sweating immediately and I get the pungent smell of curry and mould magnified a million times from the steamy hot room, good this place is probably crawling with bacteria, why do I put myself in these situations? Oh right, to be skinny.

Instead of a normal yoga class when the lights are turned on slowly and the teacher has a calm soothing voice, a drill sergeant comes in and snaps on the lights, she barks orders the WHOLE time, she never shuts up, what the f*ck kind of yoga is this? We start with this weird breathing exercise that makes me feel like I am at a cult meeting and wonder when the kool-aid starts. Everyone is acting like it is completely normal to breathe this raspy throat air noise thing, I feel perverted listening to everyone sound like they are about to climax. Finally we start with the poses, I rock them all of course, the cult leader calls out to one of the new students who looks like they are about to pass out (literally looks like she forgets where she is) and asks another student to go her some juice (I stifle a laugh because I picture her coming back with glasses of poisoned kool-aid and someone with a nose ring like a bull shoots me a dagger look, I pretend to cough and ignore him, but I am scared that he is the assistant cult leader).

Mouldy curry man is creeping closer and closer to my matt, his toe nails are gross and have gunk under them (yoga peeps are supposed to be clean and cool! Didn’t he get the memo?) so I keep inching my mat away from him, and actually retreat backwards at one point when he lost the grip on his foot and it flung down towards the ground and some of his foot sweat droplets landed on ME! Ick gross sick!

I barely make it through this class, and boy do I mean barely, as in I had to sit out a lot of moves.

I am so hot, I need air, the girl on my other side of me (opposite Mr. Pecktacular) sees my beet face and fans me a little with the side of her matt, I smile gratefully and she mouths that there is only 5 minutes left (I love her).

I have probably sweated out a half litre of water, that is OK as I drank 3 litres of water today, and 1 during the two hours I was in that heat cell, and I am sure I will drink another one when I am done.

Class dismissed (yay the pain is over) I rush out of there faster than Usain Bolt, throw my clothes on over my sweaty everything, and rush outside, never ever ever have I been happy to deal with Canadian winter in March. I am never coming back here, this class is insane. Final relief of the heat, the cold night air on my hot skin brings me back to reality and I am starving and light headed from the crazy-cult-heat-oven. My face stays beet red for about an hour after class, craving a shower and carbs, I rushed home (where my fiancé hugged me and then recoiled at my soaking wet body and musty damp gym smell, told me I look like I am going to barf and to go shower before he does) just before getting in the shower I jump on the scale.

Two pounds lighter.

Totally coming back to this insane class tomorrow.

Do you eat when you are sad? Or starve? (Eat right?)

2011-02-23T19:22:00.000-07:00

Hardest time to eat healthy?

Road Trips?
Vacations?
Celebrations?
Funerals?
When really bad news is received?

I don't know what is harder, sticking to a healthy clean diet during celebrations and happy times? Or the bad sad times. For happy times you want to share in the celebrations with lots of good eats and drinks, but with sad times I actually find it worse, I mean it’s not very polite to ask my grandmother to make a different meal for me because minced meat pie is not only disgusting tasting (taste like a meat egg roll soaked in gravy) it is also fatty, and full of crappy ingredients like margarine and loads of white flour (also, if you have seen Sweeny Todd, you don't ever want to eat meat pies anyway). However...not the best time to be food picky as more important things are happening. So instead I would casually place piece by piece of meat pie on my dad's plate when he wasn't looking. My mom saw me do this and did the same with her margarine soaked no taste bread, but she promptly got caught as she is not the stealth food Nazi I am. Thank god there was salad on the table that I gladly ate 4 bowls of.

During the sad times (in this case a funeral for my grandfather), food will appear out of nowhere. Friends and family members bring boatloads of food, no one cares if it is healthy because everyone is so preoccupied they forget to eat and prepare meals, and then they realize they are starving because it is 7pm and they haven't eaten all day...well, the tray of sweets (whoever brought those lemon square bread things need to never ever make them again, I don't want to eat your lemon garbage when I am sad!) and the tray of mayo-white-bread-sandwiches start to look pretty tasty. Or in my case, many meals of grapes, cheese, and veggie sticks.

A week at home with my family and funeral food, with no exercise (other than the half ass push-ups and mild yoga stretches I could do at about 10pm when I was alone in my room) equals a very unwelcomed 2 pound gain. If this trip wasn’t worse enough due to the circumstances, I also had to see and speak to extended family members, some that I haven’t seen in over ten years, well, when you are a chubby kid/teenager (not to mention how much bigger your boobs are when you are a chubby overflowing underwire pinching double D cup, compared to my now almost full C cup) and you then move out of province and no longer see or keep in touch with your extended family, you come back home, thinner, older, and probably a little taller, well it is beyond annoying. “Oh you lost weight” “Well don’t you look different” and my favourite line which was blurted out in a room full of people: “How much weight did you lose? 20 pound? 30 pounds, tell me!!!” Do they think I am unaware I have lost weight? Is it a shock that my hairstyle and body is different than that of ten years ago? One of them (I don’t know...second cousin twice removed?...actually said “oh, you where a lot chubbier back then” (ARRRRHHHG) I had to remind myself: this is a funeral, don’t tell her that is better than being a fat cow now. Instead smiled and said “well, you haven’t changed at all, same haircut and everything” (A nicer insult, but she didn’t even notice, just patted her teased-half-bangs and smiled). God, who are these people? Oh right....family.

Boot Camp Class starts soon, maybe I can lose two pounds per class?

Ick.

2011-02-13T13:25:00.001-07:00

Still eating McDonalds? This video shows the breakdown of popular McDonald menu items. The video is a little longer than it needs to be, if you don’t want to watch the full 5 minutes, I will just tell you now: Food breaks down; McDonald fries do not, at all, not even a little bit. Don’t eat them, ever.

http://www.geeksaresexy.net/2007/06/14/why-you-should-not-eat-mcdonalds-food/

The hold that McDonalds has over the general public is amazing. We all ate there as kids, had fun birthday parties, and played with what was probably a pervy out of work ex con dressed up as a weird yellow clown man who hung around a purple blob and some burglar man who stole hamburgers and it was normal and accepted by society that this mascot was an all out thief? Many people at my office (adults) still eat there (gross). For lunch one woman had a big mac, supersized fries, 10 chicken nuggets (dipped in a concoction of bbq-sweet-and-sour-mayonnaise-ketchup –do-it-yourself-dip), apple pie, supersized coke, AND a milkshake. FOR LUNCH!!! The woman that was eating with her said, and I quote, “you should have got a healthier meal like me” and she was eating (kid you not) filet o fish, supersized fries, and a supersized diet coke. Because that is healthy, unrecognizable square breaded deep fried “fish” (a.k.a.: pieces of crappy fish such as Pollock or Hoki...wtf is a Hoki fish?) topped with process cheese on a while sugar flour bun, with fuck knows what sauce. With non decomposing fries, sugar ketchup, too much salt, and a chemical drink to wash it down with. Mmmm, healthy! I hope they threw it up afterwards.

It amazes and saddens me that people out in the world think that McDonalds has GOOD food. I mean, have these people never been to a restaurant? Like a real restaurant? Not fast food joints or pubs or your local crap bar? Can you imagine if the highlight of your eating life was going to McDonalds? Sad. Very very sad.

2011-02-13T12:15:00.001-07:00

11 days later, no additional weight loss. Sigh. Am I going to have to enrol in bootcamp?

2011-02-02T19:17:00.001-07:00

Weight in day (booo)
2 pounds lost (yay)
I don’t want to jinx anything, but I started this food diary/exercise tracker I have lost 2 pounds. In one week! More than I have lost in two months. So apparently calories in less than calories out IS what works.

whooops

2011-01-31T21:42:00.001-07:00

Still trying to shed those last pounds, apparently my ideal weight for my height (5’7”) is around 141? Seams the range differs depending on what website I am on. I think I may just throw out all my flats and wear 4 inch heels all the time, then I will be my ideal weight for my height at all times.

Plus, if half of the population is overweight, then am I not in the normal range?

So drastic times call for drastic measures. The wedding is in four months! FOUR! Four months to:

1. Fit in to my wedding dress (which isn’t even here yet, added stress I don’t need....maybe the stress will make me lose weight?).
2. Tone up all flabby bits
3. Look good in a bikini for the first time ever in my entire life

Since I haven’t lost 1 measly pound since NOVEMBER! I have decided I am obviously a portion slacker and eating too many calories. I started a food diary where I have to write down every single thing I eat like I have some sort of eating disorder or OCD complex (which I do). I also have to enter all my exercise in, so I know how many calories I burn. What a massive pain this is...writing down every thing...I think I may just stop eating so much, that way it will be less I have to write down...hmmm, maybe this is why food diaries are so efficient?

A lot of things I have not been paying attention too (which are now painfully obvious due to the food diary apparitions) the actual amount of fat that are in even the healthiest of foods. If you are trying to lose weight, you are supposed to have around 30 to 35 grams of fat a day. I am way over this! Avocados, low fat dairy, almonds, olive and canola oil, even veggies. What an annoying realization this is.

Dieting...does it ever get better? Just when you think you are supper awesome and doing everything possible, you realize that you are in fact, a lame-o.

Veggiesaurusrex

2011-01-26T09:53:00.000-07:00

Feeling like a fat whale today? Watch A&E’s new show “Heavy” I guarantee you will immediately feel better about how much you do in your workouts, the type of food you eat, and the way you look. I often find everyone larger than me thinks my body is prefect, and will make fun of me if I ever say I need to lose weight. People thinner than me will say that I am fine, as to not offend me. But people around my size will sit and bitch with me, understand that even a loss of 5 pounds will send your mood from suicide watch to the elevated happy high I assume only skinny people feel when they get dressed in the morning and their jeans fit their ass perfectly without the use of spanks (thank god for spanks...you can’t have the slightest bit of muffin top with skinny jeans, or any jeans for that matter, it’s just gross, and irresponsible wardrobe picking).

So for me the banishing of muffin top and trying to tone (just tone flab, what the hell is your problem?) has made me extra vigilant in my search for “fat banishing food”. I am not sure if this is what it should be called...how about “Food that you can eat a lot of for a low amount of calories so you are not gnawing at the bit when your meal is over like a fat kid with Prader-Willi syndrome”.

So fill up half your plate with these low cal veggies, fewer than 100 calories for 2 cups:

Kale
Kale is hard to describe if you have never had it. It looks tough and prickly, like if spinach and broccoli had a love child and named it Kale. Kale is high in vitamins A, K, and C. Rich in minerals, and low in calories (just under 40 calories for a whole cup of kale). Easy to cook (steam, sauté in broth, or bake it and make kale ‘chips’). I love kale, but everyone I ask hates it. Try at your own risk (cook WAY longer than you think you should...like 15 - 20 minutes).

Cauliflower
Raw cauliflower makes me want to GAG! But roasted or boiled and then mashed up like potatoes = yum! Has almost half your daily requirement of vitamin C and has less than 30 calories a cup! My favourite way is to roast the florets with garlic, pepper, paprika, and sea salt.

Asparagus
Even though it makes about 50% of peoples' pee smell weird (me included), I would eat this every day. Less than 30 calories a cup! Omegas, iron, vitamin K. Nom nom nom. Two favourite ways to prepare are the simple: Stick them in a pan of boiling water for 2 minutes. Or toss them in spices and roast them on the BBQ.

Steamed Spinach (gross), lettuce (duh), cucumber, celery, leafy stuff, onions, Broccoli, mushrooms, cabbage. All are low in calories, but you may not want to fill up half your pate with chopped onion (side note: always sauté your onions until opaque, it takes away the strong ‘onion-y-ness’) so add these veggies to other items. Example: maybe you need to have mashed potatoes, and will die if you don’t get them, use half potato, half cauliflower, throw in some chopped steamed spinach and sautéed onions. Eat more salads (watch that dressing!) and loads of veggie stir fry dishes (don’t dump sugary sauce on your stir fry, use natural ingredients and spices. My fav homemade stir fry sauces:

1. Soy sauce (2 tablespoonsish) mixed with natural PB (1 tablespoonish)and chilli flakes (dash)
2. Sesame Seeds, chopped onion, roasted garlic mushed, and broth
3. Red Thai Curry Paste (spoonful) and broth or lite coconut milk (1/2 cup)

Try it! And share your own recipes and tips for the other readers.

Desperate to lose weight?

2011-01-23T18:05:00.002-07:00

Often it does amaze me the length people will go to in order to lose weight, to be that dream size, to fit into society’s vision of attractive. Regardless of the health determents. It seems people hear "this will make you lose weight" and they are in line to sign up for whatever the next weight loss thing they haven't tried is. In my office ‘Mr. Chicken Wing Eater and Coke Drinker Extraordinaire’ was once on a diet where he was only allowed 800 calories a day, he rants that he lost weight (no shit Sherlock, you didn't eat) but also he complains that he was weak and had to sit down to do the dishes. WTF? In the (dreaded) lunch room, a lady announced "I think I am going to get that Lap Band Surgery next week". She announced it with the same normalcy as if she said "I am thinking about having Pizza for supper". She then complained it was expensive, and she would have to get a loan and be financed for it. This extremeness is normal to her, but when I spend $12 on a salad, it’s not normal, nor is it normal for her to get off her ass and go for a walk (free) to do some workouts in her house (also free) or for her to buy healthier food (cheaper than surgery!). She said this all as she was eating Burger King, I kept my big mouth shut, but had to of course bite my tongue so I wouldn't yell "You stupid fatty, stop shoving fries dipped in ketchup dipped in gravy chased with a double bacon cheese burger into your pie hole and you wouldn't need lap band" however, to vent my anger, when she asked me if she had something in her teeth, I answered “no” when really she totally had a soggy piece of burger lettuce stuck on her teeth.

I told her to come live with me for a week and she would lose weight, and she replied...and I quote...."no thanks, I think I would miss carbs too much". I was puzzled by this response from her as:

1. I eat carbs all the time, they are my fav. and

2. I was, at that moment, presently eating a sandwich and a salad loaded with veggies and had an apple sitting in front of me.

I said "I do eat carbs, I am eating them right now" and pretended to slay her with my chicken sandwich sword. She then quickly tried to think of another excuse, but didn't (probably because she knew I would snap a rebuttal down her throat) and instead started talking about lap band.

Do you want to go for a walk and eat an apple, its free? NO, that is silly.

Do you want me to cut open your tummy and stick a machine thing in there; it will cost you over $10,000? YES please. That makes way more sense.

Sooo Cooold

2011-01-14T11:27:00.000-07:00

Huddled up by the fire, laptop open, TV on (TLC is having a “My Strange Addiction” –athon), procrastinating...as it is time to go work out...but just a few more minutes in the warmth (this show is so weird, it is profiling all these woman who have bizarre addictions, truly bizarre addictions, this one chick is addicted to eating soap. SOAP! Like laundry detergent, hand soap, bars of soap....I wonder how many calories are in soap?). I am making myself a little workout calendar (oh how many of these I have made in my life) to make sure I am not neglecting any body part (flabby bit) in my now quest to get toned (oh my god, this woman is addicted to body building and works out six hours a day! I wish I was addicted to working out period!). I make my chart as pretty as possible, I guess my brain thinks that if I have a nice attractive chart I will work out more? I will look at the chart and it will be so beautifull my muscels will start working out independently. (What the? This girl is addicted to pulling out her hair and eating the follicle! Is there calories in that? I wonder how many grams of fat are in hair follicles?)

Four months until the wedding (why oh why did I pick a beach wedding, am I a masochist?) . Time to push the “get toned project” into the highest gear. Losing weight is only half of the battle. ARGH! This sucks the hardest balls! I have signed up for all these tip newsletter things, and every day I get articles and nonsense and stupid tips that must be for fat people who don’t know what vegetables are. Titled lame titles like: “Eat your greens” (duh) “Lean protein is good” (double duh) “Skip the ice cream” (? Really? Oh my god, skip ice cream, skip fat and sugar? DER!!!) . I want to see a useful article, maybe one titled “Here is a magic potion, drink it and you will wake up with whatever famous person’s body you want” . Sigh...if only true. Time to get my ass up and go to the gym.

It is blistering cold out; it actually pains me to go outside. -31 today doesn’t exactly make me want to eat some cold salad and jump around until I get warm. Nor do I want to get all sweaty in a gym and then step outside into the ice world and have every bead of moister freeze to my body in little ice warts.

However, I can’t be a flabby whale bride on my wedding day so I have forced myself to go to the overly crowded gym. I sign up for machines, wait in line for weights, get to classes 45 minutes early so I can get a spot on the list. What a massive pain I think, no wonder half of these people will stop coming to the gym and throw their resolution away. How fun is it to wait around for 45 minutes for some skinny perfect step class teacher to come and beat the shit out of your legs. Not so fun (but oh so worth it).

I heard on the radio that regular gym goers actually make bets on how long the newbie gym members will stay. This is funny to me as it is sooo true. (But also mean as I have totally been that January to March gym goer. )

Who resolved to lose weight in 2011?

2011-01-03T09:09:00.000-07:00

So it’s a new year, did you (along with the rest of the developed world) resolve to lose weight this year?

Get a tape worm and continue on with your life, or actually make a change. Now, this doesn’t mean buying a diet book and reading part of it, or reading fitness magazines only to throw it in your bathroom for toilet reading. Pick a diet, any diet, and you will lose weight. AS LONG AS YOU STICK WITH IT.

This is the problem: People don’t stick to their diets. Because diets are hard. Period. It is that simple, really it is. Do you know how many flipping books and diets and eating plans and half finished food journals I have? A scale to measure food, old Weight Watcher books, Atkins, low carb, South Beach Diet, Vegan diet books, raw food diet books, you freaking name it, I have tried it (except of course for ridiculously stupid diets like the hormone or cookie diet, I mean...come on!).

The truth of the matter is, that no matter what diet you pick, it will only work if you STICK WITH IT. Personally, I think the only thing anyone needs to do is stop being a winey excuse making baby and get off your ass and go work out, and work out HARD, then eat healthy natural food. Period. It is that simple. Really it is if you think about it. Our extra pounds aren’t just going to get up and walk away (wouldn’t it be nice if they did? “Dear extra poundage, please fuck off” and they would run away crying for their mommy and we would be left skinny!) but in reality, we have to beat the shit out of them with workouts until they are tortured and can’t take anymore and leave our body for good and go attach themselves to some other fatty.

Yeah, I know....easier said than done. We all fall of the wagon, especially during the holidays; there is no dieting in December right? I actually think I consumed more calories and alcohol this month than I did all year. Doesn’t mean I gorged on cheezies and fast food. But let’s be realistic, you have many diner parties, Christmas dinners (3 for me this year...thankfully not all in one day as some people I know have to do), office parties, friends parties, and of course New Years Parties (the last day people stuff themselves as “the diet starts tomorrow” but then really you are so hung over January 1 that you have McDonalds for breakfast and you sleep all day)...where was I? Oh yes, it is inevitable that you will over indulge during the holidays, which makes the drastic change for your New Year’s resolution to lose weight that much harder. Take it one step at a time, if you fall of the wagon, jump back on. Don’t forget to work out (yes, I am going to follow my own advice).

Fortunately, this year all my friends are ‘dieting’ as we are all going to Mexico in May. That means I am surrounded by people who want to lose weight or get into better shape over the next five months. No one wants to have their flab flapping around on the beach! And two-pieces are sexier than one-pieces! And bikinis and cameras are a scary combination—especially if you have been drinking beer and cocktails all day! If I constantly remind myself how gross I was last year on the beach, I think my subconscious will take over and automatically make my eyes see only veggies, and do away with cravings completely.

Don’t turn into a fatty over the holidays!!!

2010-12-22T18:29:00.002-07:00

Don’t gain weight this month, you will just have that much more to lose in January!

Again this year, my office is flooded with candy, chocolates, sweets, and all goodies that you can imagine. This year there were two massive fruit cakes that disappeared in one day, WHO EATS FRUITCAKE???? And the little old lady client (who I cannot believe is still alive, she must be 130 years old) brought in her “famous” shortbread cookies (yuck) and of course I had to take some while she passed them out, and of course, I again threw them into the garbage as soon as she left. What? For all she knows I ate them, old people love to feed you! It’s a scientifically proven fact.

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and a Happy New Year. See you in January!

PS: don’t you hate when people say “see you next year” when they are going to see you January? I hear that 6 times today. SIX!!!

Maintain don't gain!

2010-12-13T20:58:00.002-07:00

Is December a write off for everyone? I guess my brain thinks that since I have lost weight I can just eat a bunch of Christmas goodies and not work out.

Last December, I completed the amazing feat of actually losing weight over Christmas (I know right? Unbelievable!) . This December my main goal is to maintain and not gain. I have already been to 3 Christmas parties, I have a fourth one tomorrow, diner and drinks with clients, loads of chocolates everywhere in the office, Christmas is in less than 2 weeks, the new years? Oh my gosh!
I feel like a bear getting ready for hibernation, and I am not quite sure what it is about bread and cheese that makes me lose control of my motor skills, but I have had enough fat and carbs to last me all of 2011. It’s cold and dark out when I get home, I just want to sleep by the fire and eat pot roast and potatoes, not come home and run outside and then have a cold salad and grilled fish, that’s for the summer!

So, back to the motto for the holidays, maintain, don’t gain! Which means it’s almost inevitable that I (and most humans) will over indulge over the holidays. Soooo work out a little more, do that extra ten minutes of cardio and those extra reps of weights, go for that extra incline on the treadmill, and definitely throw in some high-intensity-all-out-speed-crazy-until-sweat-comes-out-your-eyes-burst-of-cardio.

Don’t get fat over the holidays!

mmmmm

2010-12-12T17:59:00.001-07:00

Note to self: If you keep your spices in cool trendy spice jars that magnetizes to your fridge for easy excess, don't keep the cumin next to the cinnamon and think that one day you won’t accidently make a cumin flavoured protein shake and not notice until you are already in your car and take a massive swig at a red light. Yes, I had to swallow it.

Sigh, time to go work out!

2010-11-30T22:34:00.000-07:00

Yes, that time of year again, all the glitz is out, crazy outfits, asses and boobies a jiggling....no, not the aftermath of a staff Christmas party open bar. I actually mean the Victoria Secret Fashion Show. God, I want to punch these models and their skinny flat tummies and perfect hair! Why can’t we all have a team of people working on our hair and makeup before we go out in public?

I tried to critique the girls, looking for imperfections to satisfy the “no one is perfect, everyone has issues with their body rule” but alas, they all look perfect to me. I also tried to ask my fiancé, but he was already letting the potato wedges burn as he watched the show, so I thought it better not to give him too many tasks to do at once while there are firm ass close-ups on the TV.

I wonder how many other females around the world are currently watching this show, hating their own bodies, wondering what exactly these models do to stay so hot, and what the hell a vest shaped like a soccer ball has to do with underwear? As I watched hottie after hottie strut their weird model walk and make me want to go throw up my dinner (literally)...I wondered why I torture myself watching this show every year. I also wondered why I am watching it when I am eating my supper. Needless to say I didn’t finish my burnt potato wedges and grilled tilapia.

Perhaps I should record this and watch it during every meal, clearly I would eat less.

Sigh, time to go work out!

2010-11-24T14:50:00.001-07:00

Q: You can’t possibly eat ridiculously healthy ALL the time. What are the foods that you loosen the healthy strings on?

A: True. True. Unfortunately True. I don’t think anyone does. If they do they are probably a big fat liar. Of course, we can’t confuse eating ridiculously healthy with regular healthy eating. So when you are eating redic-healthy, you omit EVERYTHING processed, and basically you eat fruit, veggies, lean protein, a little low fat dairy, and whole grains. When you eat just regular healthy, there are some of those baddies that sneak in. Where I tend to slack the most are:

Slack: Bread
So in perfect land, we would all eat whole grain sprouted gluten free no sugar added bread. But in regular land, that bread annoys me for the following reasons:
1. It is expensive, I only end up eating about 6 slices before the bread starts to go bad, and that works out to $1 a slice of bread.
2. They taste OK at best. I don’t love it, so why would I sit and eat something I don’t love? Oh right, to be healthy.
Make it better: Stop eating so much bread? Have open faced sandwiches instead? Bring your own loaf of bread to restaurants and ask the chef to make your sandwich using you bread instead of the restaurants? I have a friend who brings her own whole wheat wraps to fajita night, yes I’m serious.
So yes, sometimes I slack on bread and just have regular whole wheat, or ‘multi grain’ which usually means regular bread with some seeds and grain thrown in.

Slack: Wine
Drinking is fun. That is all.
Make it better: Stick to wine (or a personal fave I just invented last weekend: vodka + Perrier + fresh lemon and mint leaves). Alcohol is still sugar, so there is no way of getting around it unless you stop drinking alcohol. Stay away from liquors, mixes with soda or sugary juices, slushy drinks, dessert type drinks. Some higher end places have cocktails or martinis made with real no sugar added juice; again...alcohol is not ideal to have on any diet. However, I am a realist, who loves wine.

Slack: Restaurants
Make it Better: Generally I just try to order something healthy. I suggest a few changes if I can (no butter on the veggies, dressing on the side, no cheese, etc...) to make it a little less bad. But going out to dinner is essentially going out to have fun and a good time with friends. Make sure you get your workout in that day, and watch your calories for the rest of the day. Also, don’t go out to restaurants a lot, and then ones that you do go to, make sure they are awesome and have a chef, not some chain restaurant whose motto is “quantity over quality” or “all you can eat whatevers...”, and don't ever go to a buffet unless you master will power.

Slack: Noodles
Sometimes you just want pasta. Still buy whole grain noodles, but who are we kidding? Pasta contains a lot of carbs to consume in the evening.
Make it better: Have vegetarian pasta, I guarantee you won’t miss the meat, load that sucker up with veggies! No cream sauces. Period. Have a tomato based sauce. Skip the cheese and don’t even think about buttery garlic bread.

Slack: When someone else is serving me
In order to eat super healthy are we never to go eat at a friend’s house again? Luckily, most of my friends are fitoholics, so I enjoy when I get the break of cooking and get to eat their food. My family however? Different story (my parents still eat simulated bacon bits for crap sakes! Is that even food?).
Make it better: Show up with a salad to help contribute to the dinner, load your plate up with too many veggies, tell them you aren’t eating cheese right now and maybe they won’t throw it all over your food? It helps if you can find out what they are making for you ahead of time, maybe you can ask them to leave BBQ sauce off your chicken breast, or the mayo off your sandwich.

Slack: Chocolate
What? I have ovaries!
Make it better: Dark Organic Chocolate. Cocoa itself isn’t bad for you, it is the fat and sugar added to cocoa that makes it bad. So stay away from the Twix (that you eat the caramel off the top and then eat the biscuit, right? We all do....I mean....We all DID that right?), Reese PB cups, and all the commercially prepared bars. For some reason, organic dark chocolate bars seem to only come in MASSIVE bar size, so make sure to break off a few squares and not take the whole bar into a movie theatre with you.

Slack: Coffee
Make it better: No cream or sugar! Someone brought me a large with 2 cream coffee yesterday, I politely declined, they where beyond offended, and everyone kept say "uh, you're not going to drink it???". As if! Why would I drink 14 grams of fat?

Slack: Sushi Restaurants
Make it better: No tempura, less rice dishes, watch the sodium, remember you are going to be hungry in an hour anyway.

Q: Fast food that is FIT BITCH FRIENDLY?

2010-11-18T20:25:00.001-07:00

So sometimes we do have to eat out at fast food places. Now, I do not endorse these places, nor should you eat at them just because they are mentioned on this list. This list is my personal list of places where I would grab a quick meal if I had too. There are everyday eat out places, and then there are those places that you are only eating at because you have too (road tripping across Canada, have ten minutes for lunch, work meetings where you don’t get to pick the place, you are too hungover to think about preparing your own food, you are dating a new guy and aren’t acting yourself around him yet, etc...)

Now, unfortunately these places are not everywhere, some of them are just in one province or state, and some you may not have even heard of as there are only a few around. If you have some locations you would like to share, please leave your favourite places in the comment section. Share your ideas with the other readers, and give me some ideas as well.

OK my fast faves:

Sunterra, Main Dish, Pete’s Frootique....any gourmet fast meal places
Salad bar, beach chickpea, veggie salads pre-made, local food prepared healthy, sandwiches on multi grain bread, broth based soups made fresh daily, pre-cooked meals that you can grab and take back to work or home to heat up (salmon, roast chicken or beef).

Freshii
You cannot get much better than Freshii. You could eat there every day AND they take many steps to be environmentally friendly so you can feel good about eating healthy and being good to the world.

Mucho Burrito
A whole wheat wrap filled with beans, veggies (chicken if you would like), skip the cheese, sour cream and guac, add more veggies and salsa and you have a quick healthy burrito! You can also ask for had cheese, no rice, extra veggies. I love it!

Subway
I don’t eat here. I dislike it. But no cheese and fatty sauce plus some whole wheat bread is a better choice than a lot of fast places. They have salad too, so if you are stuck, Subways not a bad place. I think I just hate it so much for the following reasons:
1. Jarrod the Subway guy annoys the shit out of me
2. I ate way too many ‘6 inch tuna with extra pickles’ when I was a teenager

Wendy’s (or other Fast Food Places that serve salads)
A healthier salad without pouring dressing all over it (obviously you aren’t going to get the one with deep fried chicken or bacon on it) and a baked potato (no cheese and other crap on it). I do not go to fast food burger places, I don’t particularly like to torture myself with the smell of salty French fries, so I assuming the following: I am sure you could order a grilled chicken sandwich (without mayo of course).

Swiss Chalet
Chicken dinner with white meat, remove the skin yourself, add a salad as your side (garden or greek) and dressing on the side, skip the dipping sauce and of course don’t get a white bun slathered in butter.

Opa
Now, I am sure there are a million Greek restaurants out there names “Opa” but I am talking about the fast food chain. Yes, they serve gross fries and some weird hamburger pita wrap that I am sure is bad for you. However, they also serve a tasty Greek salad and chicken souvlaki.

Sushi
Sushi is quick, however a lot of white rice is empty carbs which translates to sugar, so order more sashimi with a bowl of miso soup (yes, I know miso soup is high in sodium, but tofu, miso, onions and seaweed are good for you! Drink lots of water and watch your sodium intake for the rest of the day).

Japanese soup
Again, I know these can be high in sodium, but if you are eating healthy all the time, some extra sodium one day isn’t going to kill you. Get soup with lots of veggies and buckwheat (soba) noodles.

Wok Box
Typically these stir-fry meals are served with noodles or rice, but you can ask for extra veggies instead!

Tim Hortons
What kind of Canadian would I be if I didn’t eat at Tim Hortons? Sure I favour a skim cafe latte over a plain Jane Tim hortons coffee, but what office doesn’t have a brown box of donuts on the staff room table?
The thing with Tim Hortons, and most fast food places, is that the food is high in sodium, and everything is prepared commercially, however, you can find a lot of items to eat at Tim Hortons that are less than 300 calories (soups, those little snack wrap things). These foods are not ideal, but will do in a pinch.
Being the power bitch that I am, I would rather just tell you to never eat fast food burgers and fries. Make your own at home! It will taste better and save your body from crappy re-used oil that has been sitting in a fryer for a week, blah!

Jugo Juice (or other smoothie place)
*look at the ingredients to your smothie, don’t get ones made with sherbert or some other shit. Alot of smoothie places also have paninis and wraps, just check the ingredients and make the best choice.

Do you have a favourite healthy fast food? Leave it in the comment section below:

Happy 1 year anniversary Fit Bitch Blog!

2010-11-15T20:17:00.000-07:00

Wow. A whole friggin year. Can you believe it? I just went back to my very few first blog entries and had a little read fest, first I laughed a lot at myself, then I realized how much I slacked off on my “weekly” progress reports. I guess once I hit that infamous weight loss plateau, I decided posting the same weight every week would make for a boring progress report.

Now the YEAR progress report (OMG are you excited or what?). First, let’s look at the Fit Bitch Project Rules which were posted on Nov 15, 2009!

1. All healthy natural food is allowed.
Duh!

2. All sugars must come solely from the whole foods eaten (fruit).
Check! (Well, except for sugars from wine and special “treat” nights...which after a year are no longer 4 times a week and more like twice a month, sigh!)

3. No more artificial sweeteners (yes, this includes gum).
DONE! Gone are the diet pops, large coffees with splenda. All artificial sweeteners have gone, and I have had exactly 6 pieces of gum in one year and I had to have them because my breath was rank.

4. Continue with my running, but include more consistent weight training.
Done (even completed a 10k HOLLLAH!)

5. No alcohol (except on my birthday and Christmas) for 3 months or 20lbs less, whichever comes first. Uh, I half-ass did this one.

6. Watch the caffeine (have decaf or herbals teas only).
Whoops! I forgot about this one. I love coffee and have about 1 a day.

7. No crap food, not even as a “treat” or “I will have just a little taste”.
Hmmmmmm, this one was done better than I anticipated. For the record, ‘crap’ food is all fake, processed, mass commercially produced food (chocolate bars, pop, frozen pizza, you know the drill) I give myself a B+ on this one.

8. Educate myself as much as possible on the food I am eating.
Totally! I am Ms. Food Knowledge now.

9. Provide comic relief to myself and others via this blog.
:)

10. Inspire, share, and learn from other readers & followers of this blog (thank you everyone for your comments, ideas, and support).
Yes! I have received comments from readers that have made me laugh, given me ideas, support, I have even had a few comments and emails from readers that have made me cry! (I know, who would have thought I had feelings from the way I write and criticize?) Thank you everyone for your support.

OMG are you ready? Are you on the edge of your seat? Ahhhhh. I can’t believe I am going to post my freaking weight on the damn internet! Total weight loss in 1 year, by just eating really healthy, no processed food, nothing that has added sugar or un pronouncable crap: 30 pounds.

Start Date: November 15, 2009

Height: 5’7”
Weight: (I just threw up in my mouth when I looked at this!) 180
Measurements: Bust:41 (yay) Waist: 40 (boo) Hips: 40 (also boo)
Pant Size: 13/15
My bridesmaid dress size I wore last November: 14!

Today! Nov 15, 2010
Height: still 5’7”
Weight: 150
Measurements: Bust: 37 (boo) Waist: 32 (yay) Hips: 37
Pant Size: 7/9 (EEEEK)
My wedding dress size: 8!

What’s that? Wedding dress? Yes, newly engaged and getting hitched in May 2011!

So I now need to hardcore it up because regular goal weight range is NOT wedding day goal weight range. Those pictures are going to be with me forever, just like any other pictures are, however people expect you to look your best on your wedding day. And these are not just any wedding pictures, but beach wedding pictures! You bet your ass I want to look DAMN good in a bikini on my wedding day and honeymoon. Duh!

So now? It’s time to TONE TONE TONE! Weight gone, flabby skin still there? If people who are 300 pounds can get a flat stomach than I certainly can....right?

Here is hoping! Year two of The Fit Bitch Blog! Tone that butt, flatten that belly, and will that upper arm jiggle ever go away?

We will see....Wedding in 6 months! New goal to strive for!

2010-11-08T10:03:00.002-07:00

Q: Do you have any helpful suggestions (fit-bitch style of course) for breaking up your calories throughout the day? I really struggle with portions.

A: Portions. My nemesis. Struggling with portions is the hardest thing I have to deal with (minus work idiots, my shrinking boobs, and my not shrinking gut). Lets face it, as much as I bitch about not always stuffing your face like a ravenous glutton, it’s hard to constantly maintain a healthy diet when you are surrounded by everything we see and do on a daily basis.

I found it took me a while to get my portions under control. I was WAY off on my meat and cheese portions so I bought a little digital scale ($20) and it was only then I realized that a half a plate of salmon is not 1 serving, nor are the standard size frozen chicken breasts I was buying. And one serving of cheese is mouse size! So I make sure to have 1 meat or protein serving and then fill up at least half but usually two thirds of my plate with veggies (salad, peppers, green beans, you know, the low cal ones). I can tell you what I do to break up my calories throughout the day (i.e.: trying not to eat as much)but it may not work for everyone, ever one is different when it comes to what works for them, so I have also included some other tricks and tips from friends of mine. Really you have to figure out what works for you. Some things work for me, but my friends either think I am nuts or have their own things they swear by. I get in constant debates about fats, artificial sweeteners, and food with sugar added to it daily.

Here we go! I asked 4 friends the following question: “How do you break up your calories throughout the day to maintain your portions”.

The number one response from all of them was “Eat balanced meals AND snacks”!
Explanation:

If you eat just carbs, you will crave protein and fats, if you eat just protein or fats you will crave carbs, if you eat empty calories, you will crave everything.

Carbs/protein/healthy fats/fibre. Generally your protein source will contain a little fat (eggs, low fat dairy) and your carbs will contain fibre (fruit, grains) if you just have one or the other, you will not be satisfied.

Side Bar: Also related to cravings are vitamins

If you find you are craving foods after you eat, you may be low in a certain vitamin or mineral. Make sure to take a good multi vitamin with your meal (I do it at lunch). This way your body is getting all the nutrients it needs (along with your balanced meal of fat, protein, and carbs) and it can focus on digesting your food instead of making you crave more as your body has all it needs.

My Personal Tricks:

Coffee. Coffee will suppress your appetite for a bit and if you only add milk to your coffee you are looking at about 40 calories. Also, when I am done drinking coffee my mouth has coffee breath, so I down even more water than I normally would. If you aren’t used to having coffee without sugar or sweetener (bad!) then try getting a non-fat cafe latte from Starbucks (grande size is 140 calories and it is just skim milk and espresso). I stick to one coffee a day, maybe two on the weekends, I find decaf and regular both work for me.

Water
Duh, we all know we have to drink water. But drink some water as soon as you wake up (I keep a glass in the bathroom and drink water before I get in the shower). This is a tip I got from Tosca Reno and I now swear by it.

OK, this is a cliché trick, but you need to do it, especially for your portion controls!
Don’t eat directly from a package. If you are having a snack then you need to take a portion out of the big bag, close the big bag and put it away. It is easy to mow down two handfuls of almonds (instead of 10-15) a container of hummus (instead of ¼ a cup) or a bag of organic baked nachos and salsa (my personal fav).

A lot of times with healthy food, you forget that even though it is better for you, it does still contain calories and they will keep adding up! Yes, it totally blows to have to measure stuff out (god, what a PAIN) but being thin and fit is more important so we have to do it. We all hear this trick, but we never do it, but DO IT!

Dressing on the side
Always on the side! Dip your fork in the dressing and then into your salad, there is too many calories in dressing ESPECIALLY at restaurants, and they give you way too much. Always order your dressing on the side, use the fork dip technique and then at the end of your mail you will be shocked the amount of dressing (fat and calories) you save. Do it now.

Smoothies
I used to make my smoothies in a regular sized blender (always made way too much, but though “hey, smoothies are good for you, what ev!” ) but now I make them in the magic bullet and the single blender sized are perfect, plus, you literally can’t put too much stuff in them, so it is perfect every time. Thus helping my wack portion control. Berries, protein powder, skim milk, and ice cubes can make a filling shake for around 200 calories. Perfect for first thing in the morning when you don’t feel like eating yet but know you need breakfast.

Oats
I swear by oats, they are awesome for you, filling, and minimal in calories for the fullness factor you get! Read the old oats post for info: http://fitbitchblog.blogspot.com/2010/05/oats.html
No hour lunch!
Breaking up calories throughout the day is easier when you have shit that needs to get done! If you eat a little food, it will take your brain time to register (what’s the standard rule...20 minutes I think?). So instead of having 60 whole minutes of sitting in the lunch room, plan an errand or even just a walk to take up some of that extra time. You will have less time to eat, and you will be busy doing something else why your tummy is trying to send fullness signals to your brain. Plus, a 30 minute walk will help burn off even more calories and you will be a skinny mini before you know it.

Have more Soup!
No, not canned! Learn how to make some good soups! Soups are so easy to make, so low in fat and calories and they are filling. I will post some of my favourite soup recipes—well, really I throw things into a pot and hope for the best, it always works out. If you are really lazy, just throw everything into a slow cooker and it will be ready when you get home. If you are having problem with portion sizes, you can have a LARGE soup portion for minimal calories!

I also do the “use a smaller plate” trick, its lame, but it works, you can only fit so many portions on a small plate, so it does the work for you, especially if you are filling half of it with veggies or salad. This is another rule we always hear of but don’t do (who wants to be the only person at the table with a lunch plate while everyone else has a dinner plate?).

OK, this is a mean trick, but you asked what I do fit bitch style, so here it goes:

I walk around my office, look at the fat people eating donuts, and decided I don’t need to eat anymore.

Other personal tricks from my friends:

Coffee as well, or tea, especially herbal tea because she can drink and drink and drink it with no guilt. Iced coffee or tea (strong tea or coffee with ice and skim milk in a blender).

Protein Powder in your smoothies or oatmeal.

Brushing teeth, you don’t want to eat on a toothpaste filled mouth (at work, try mouthwash).

Eat lots (LOTS!) of veggies, snack on them when you need to keep your mouth occupied.

Don’t underestimate the power of milk, it has protein and nutrients, pair it with a fruit for a good balanced snack.

Cheese is fattening, always use low fat cheese and dairy. Low fat everything else has additives, but not dairy (obviously we are speaking of plain dairy here and not skim chocolate milk or flavoured yogurt). The softer the cheese, the higher the fat content (so use hard potent cheese (low fat old cheddar) and you will get the same amount of flavour for less cheese (regular mild cheddar).

Next weeks Q & A is one I have been working on for a long time, since it was asked it in April!

2010-11-08T09:13:00.003-07:00

The gross KFC double down broke sales records here in Canada. A sandwich, that uses fried chicken instead of bread broke sales records. This is why people are fat.

Q. Anonymous said...

I also threw up in my mouth when I heard about the "Double Down". It would be awesome if you wrote about fast food that is FIT BITCH FRIENDLY! It would take some homework but you could get your readers to help you.

I only suggest this because there is always a day where you get stuck eating something from a fast food establishment whether it's Starbucks, Subway, Quizno's, Wendy's, Tim Ho's etc. There might not be good choices but there are definitely better choices than others. IT would be great to have some ideas on this!

Great blog.
Sincerely,
Reader who sometimes eats out

A:
To follow next week!

Halloween candy lying around? Throw it out. Now.

2010-11-02T18:12:00.003-06:00

I would have rather given out Kashi bars and raisins, but I didn’t want my house egged. And if you give out apples, people think you are a creep who puts razor blades in food, plus I would wake up to a car covered in TP I am sure....so mini chocolate bars it was.
Instead of stalking up on extra Halloween favourites like last year (Reese peanut butter cups and Twix bars) this year I planned on only buying the Halloween candy and chocolates that I didn’t like (Smarties and Coffee Crisps-blah) as I don’t want to have any temptation in the house.

This is a good rule to have all the time. Rid your home of temptation. You can’t eat it if it isn’t there. How many people will throw out the leftover Halloween candy do you think?

“Wahhh, but I don’t want to waste it”

Waste what? Your transfatty fructose bars? You already paid for them, you can’t get the money back regardless if you eat them or not. If you don’t eat them, that’s healthy and good. If you do eat them that is crap for your insides that you don’t need. Throw them out.

Today at work? You guessed it, mini chocolate bars and candy EVERYWHERE! People where sitting at their desk in piles of candy wrappers, running around all day on sugar highs, I think our productivity for the day was up by 200% that is until 2pm came and everyone hit a wall and acted like a slug for the rest of the day.

One woman had about 10 mini bags of chips. She validated it by saying there is only a handful per bag. Sigh. This is the same type of mentality that goes through peoples mind when they eat ten 100 calorie pack snacks. “Oh, there is only 100 calories per pack; I can have as many as I want”. 1,000 calories later, you are ready for lunch. Gag me.

2010-10-28T22:25:00.002-06:00

Q:
Anonymous said...

Hey! I read your blog all the time, and I think you are hilarious! I just have a quick question, when you do want something sweet (I know, I shouldn't) what would you recommend sweetening it with - with no sweeteners or sugar? Thanks!

A:
Glad you like the blog, and thanks for the comment. I guess honey would be my sweetener of choice. I also hear that agave nectar, stevia, and sucanat are good, however I don’t use them, not for any particular reason, I just like honey. I will try them in the future, as soon as I can bake something without turning it into a hockey puck. Remember, even though it is natural, it is still a sugar. These are my favourite “sweets”:

Oats with skim milk, cocoa powder, and honey nuked in the microwave (mmmm chocolaty)

Skim milk, cinnamon, left over brown rice, honey, oats, again nuked in the microwave, but then left to cool makes a nice rice pudding

Natural organic black liquorice (Panda brand)

Any type of fruit Smoothies

Molasses, mint leaves, banana, vanilla protein powder and skim milk smoothie (sounds weird, but actually taste good)

Organic dark chocolate (my ultimate treat!)

Apple crisp for one:
Oil up a small ramekin toss in one chopped apple and mix with cinnamon (1/4 tsp), in a bowl mix oats (1/4 cup), honey (1tbls), olive oil (1 tsp), and whole wheat flour (1 tbls), and put it on top of the chopped apple, bake and enjoy.

Last night, I had a craving for muffins, so I went to the store and decided on an organic oatmeal mix (I choose organic ‘treats’ as it makes me feel better about my snacking), I brought home the mix, Pre-heated the oven, added the extra ingredients to the mix(egg, water, canola oil) and fit bitched it up by also adding: fibre (Benefibre), rolled oats, flax seeds, and some protein powder. Went to the cupboard to grab the muffin tin. Couldn’t find it. Then remembered I threw it in the garbage a few months ago because I tried to make mini quiches and burnt them all to the bottom of the muffin tin and it was beyond repair.

Sadly this isn’t the first pan, dish, or appliance I have thrown out (yes I said appliance, I thought I could ‘steam’ milk in my kettle and make my own latte. No. This doesn’t work).

So I had a bowl of muffin batter, and no muffin tins. Solution? I poured them into two cake pans and hoped for the best. 15 minutes later, surprisingly delish! However I now looks like I am eating cake for recess instead of a muffin.

Fake food is a no go for fitties!

2010-10-26T21:33:00.000-06:00

So what have we learned so far about fakeness? Well, unless it is a padded bra, some well applied makeup, or The Rabbit, we don’t need it. Fake = chemicals. There are enough chemicals in our environment already, think about all the smog we breathe, and the ingredients we rub onto our skin, what about all the plastic that surrounds our food leeching BPA into our meals. We don’t need to be ingesting them. Period. However, I am a realist, and I can’t walk around with a gas mask on, wear nothing but organic cotton, or make sure my food only touches glass. I can choose to get out of the city on the weekends and breathe some fresh country air, buy organic when I can, and I can 100% choose not to put fake food in my mouth, right? Yes, and so can you.
Do not eat anything that isn’t a whole natural food. Do not eat anything that is processed. Do not eat anything that you can’t pronounce. Seems simple right? Well, it really is. IF you have educated yourself on how AWFUL these foods REALLY are for you, then you won’t want to eat them. And if you are still worried about how you are going to stop eating those staples you are so used to....don’t worry, you will get there. I promise you will. I used to drink diet Coke like it was a thinning serum, I used to only buy low fat, fat free, ‘diet’ foods, baked crackers, eat things that were super low in fat and calories but contained nothing but fake food, lean microwave meals, pre packaged veggies, blah. Two year ago, if someone told me that one day I would turn down a plate of crackers and cheese with a diet Coke to drink, I would have told them they were crazy, I am madly in love with cheese and want to marry cheese and have cheese babies, remember?

Stop. Eating. Fakeness.

What you don’t know about these fake foods CAN kill you. Your body is meant to digest food, not chemicals and processed crap. In fact, your body doesn’t know how to digest fake crap. This fake food is causing you nothing but problems.

If you haven’t already, rid your house, body, future eating of the following:
Aspartame and fake sweeteners
Refined carbohydrates (white flour, sugar)
Packaged food full of salt (canned soup, pastas)
Unhealthy juice, crackers, cereal, granola bars, microwave popcorn, sugar free whatevers.
Diet foods (Low cal drink mixes, low fat granola bars, low whatever ice cream/desserts/cookies/frozen dinners/any of those ‘quick’ meals)
Sauces & dressings
Eat the following:
Veggies
Fruit
Whole Grains
Lean meats
Seafood
Low Fat Dairy
Nuts, seeds, legumes
Loads of water

After you do this, you will wake up and be a skinny minny who is also healthy and hot. Clearly you have to work out as well, but you know this...right?

It may seem hard at first, and if you are having a hard time now, make one change at a time. Stop buying microwave meals this week, substitute your packaged snacks for a piece of fruit and some almonds next week, give up pop the next, and so on. If you are not there yet, don’t worry, you will get there, it will take time, and if you make small changes one at a time, it is easier than waking up one day and throwing your whole kitchen in the garbage and then going out and spending $1,000 on all new stuff.

Ommmmmmmmmmmm.

2010-10-21T21:30:00.001-06:00

Pic 1

Pic 2

I tried an intermediate yoga class. Let’s just say that I am still a massive beginner yoga learner. I have trouble doing something as simple as holding my hands over my head in a squatting position (pic 1), and the girl next to me has no problem balancing on her hands with her legs stuck out to the side (pic 2)breathing like normal as if she could watch a movie and start eating some popcorn and help her kids with their homework. It was the longest yoga class of my life. I couldn’t wait to go home and sleep. I felt like a fat failure leaving the class like a newly broken horse while the skinny mini yoga pros left looking like models for lululemon, getting on their bikes and into their Priuses while I get into my SUV (what? I cannot lug my bike and mountain biking gear in a Prius!!!)

Happily, the next day I went back to my ‘all levels’ hot yoga class. (Am I weird because I like to be dripping sweat and bent in weird positions?)

Have you tried it yet? Or regular yoga for that matter? You should! It really is great. Yoga used to annoy the piss out of me. But the more I tried it the more I liked it, kind of like when you first beer, you know everyone drinks it so it must be cool, you don’t like it at first, but you want to fit in so you drink it up, then you try a few more, and all of a sudden you love beer? I mean yoga!

Try a few different yoga classes and teachers. Personally I have had no luck at those yoga classes that are offered at the gym, I have had lots of luck at the yoga studios, I find they are the best and have great instructors. The yoga studios usually have introductory rates, and or specials discounts for new students. Usually you can get your first week unlimited, which allows you to try out many teachers, classes, types, and styles.

Reasons to do yoga:

Lean, strong, toned muscles

That means a sexier physique (who doesn’t want that?) and more flexibility which will help with reducing injuries (and other things).

People who do yoga are reported to have a better sex life

(Maybe because they can bend in kinky positions?)

Apparently 75% of women reported a more satisfying sex life just by taking up yoga on a regular basis.

Yoga calms you

If you don’t have the need to relax and enter a quiet, comfortable, zen space where you are away from the daily idiots, then I want you to email me immediately and tell me what you do for a living, and hopefully hire me please.

People who do yoga are cool

What? They are.

People who practice yoga have healthier diets

Think about it, do you see yogis eating cheeseburgers and chilli fries? No, you see them eating cucumber sticks and orange wedges. Yoga will make you feel better about yourself, at least I find that my yoga instructor makes me feel that way (I guess this is why you should try a few different instructors, find one you like, don’t spend an hour or more in a dim room with an instructor you dislike).

Apparently, Naked Yoga Classes are starting in my city. Can you imagine? I don’t like to be in a swimsuit with other people around, let alone buck naked with people around me, bending over showing my lady bits! I think I will try it...in my locked bedroom.

Can you imagine doing the happy baby pose sans clothes? Gross!

Noooooooo

2010-10-18T19:32:00.000-06:00

Sigh. The stupid KFC Double Down (AKA a poor fast food version of the equally gross Chicken Cordon Bleu) made it to Canada. And for some unknown reason it is popular? Why? I don’t know. I really don’t know, and I don’t get it.

I was surprised to hear that 47% of Canadians asked said they would like to try the Double Down. Almost 50%, is that surprising to anyone? No?

The ‘argue’ on the street is “it is better than a burger and fries”. Why does everyone compare unhealthy products to that of a burger and fries? Is the burger and fries meal the standard measure of unhealthyness? As long as it has less fat and calories than a burger and fries meal it is justified to eat?

Apparently the Calgary Eaton Centre’s KFC sold out of Double Downs and the line-up was massive.

Tsk Tsk Canada!
Chicken Cheese bacon Chicken

HCG Diet. PLEASE!

2010-10-17T21:44:00.000-06:00

Have you heard of this stupid diet? You have to take a hormone/enzyme thing (orally or inject) HCG is what the placenta produces when a woman is preggers. HOWEVER, why these people lose weight on this diet is because you can only eat 500 calories a DAY! If anyone eats 500 calories a day they will wither away. So stupid.

"OMG I found this new diet, you don’t eat, and you lose weight! Can you believe that?"

What a moron.

Just because something has lettuce, does not mean it is healthy!

2010-10-12T20:29:00.001-06:00

What do I mean? The amount of unhealthy salads out there that are tricking people is way too many.

Lettuce itself is not overly healthy, yes romaine contains a lot of Vitamin A, but drowning it in Cesar salad dressing, croutons, bacon bits, and parmesan pretty much defeats the purpose of eating it for it’s vitamin qualities.

A gal at work asked me to go to Dairy Queen for lunch with her and another woman (they are both new employees and clearly don't know me, also they are both fat, because they eat at places like Dairy Queen) I politely declined (well, I let out a little scoff I am sure) she said that I could get the Crispy Chicken Salad as it is really good and healthy.
I need to sit these people down in a class room and explain the absolute basics of nutrition to them.
Me: "Deep fried chicken, bacon, and ranch dressing does not a healthy salad make. Just because there is lettuce and 6 shreds of carrot in your bowl doesn't make it healthy."

Her: "It's better than getting a burger and fries"

Me: "You know what is even better? Eating something not from Dairy Queen"

My Brain: don’t scream, don’t scream, don’t scream at her

If you took a KFC double down and put it in a bowl of lettuce and poured ranch dressing over it, would you call that healthy? No, no you wouldn't. You would call that the first step in being a couch bum playing computer games in your grandparents basement.

IF you must eat a salad from a fast food place, keep in mind the ingredients that are going on it. And definitely be mindful of the dressing! This is also true for restaurant salads. Restaurants (whether fast food or not) do not care about your waistline, they care about making money. So, if your salad tastes good, they will make money. Period.

No cream dressings, bacon, cheese, croutons, or deep fried anything. Order the dressing on the side, look for healthy fats in your salad to keep you full (almonds, chicken, avocado, tuna, an egg, etc...), and order a vinaigrette dressing on the side. Things like fruit and juicy veggies in your salad will keep the salad moist so you won’t require as much dressing.

KEEP FIT!

How about a fat-turtle-burger to clog your arteries?

2010-10-11T19:11:00.003-06:00

Hamburgers aren’t fatty enough, let’s put 2 hotdogs in there, wait...not fatty enough, add some full fat cheese! Hmmmm, still not fatty enough, also it could use a gross dose of sodium and nitrates, oooh, lets wrap it in bacon. OK, now make it look like a cute turtle so the kids will eat it.

Lean ground beef, turkey, or bison, is OK, add some low fat cheese to make a cheese burger, obviously you know by now to skip the bacon and not to eat hotdogs, right? Well, if you still love hotdogs topped with sugary ketchup, keep reading, you will stop loving your childhood fave.

This is ‘Mechanically Separated Meat” found in most hotdogs, chicken nuggets, lunch meats (think bologna), etc...

The bones are put into a machine that scrapes all the bits of meat off. Then this slurry of gross meat bits has some artificial flavouring added, and then it is dyed to match whatever colour it needs to be.

Yum!

Thanks to Courteney for sending the 'Turtle Burger' picture in.

Healthy Thanksgiving Dinner? Does it exist? YES!

2010-10-06T22:16:00.001-06:00

What are the worst culprits on thanksgiving dinner? Desserts, gravy, stuffing, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, some weird dish that has marshmallow fluff in it? (I have never had it, but apparently it is popular?)

So when I look at a ‘typical’ thanksgiving dinner I see: Saturated Fat, loads of sugar, more fat, sodium, trans fats, more sugar, and gross bird wings (ew).

Roasting turkey is great, turkey itself is low fat and nutritious, it is all the additives (stuffing, gravy, cranberry sauce) that make it “bad”.

Save your waistline this year with these tips:

Roast your Turkey, and don’t eat the skin, have white meat

Have roasted potatoes (toss them in a little oil, add spice of your choice, spread them out on a pan, and add fresh rosemary and pepper, bake)

No cranberry sauce (unless you know how to make your own with a healthier sweetener like honey and fresh fruit juice, I do not, so let me know if you do)

Have steamed veggies not green bean casserole

No gravy, unless you want to make one that doesn’t “look” like gravy. Sauté 1 chopped onion and a little bit of celery (1/2 stalk) with pepper, sea salt, and your regular thanksgiving gravy spices, then mix it in a blender with some chicken stock (low sodium & fat, from a box) use as much stock as you need to get the “gravy” the consistency you want it, add it back to the pan to cook and sprinkle a little whole wheat flour in it, let it simmer and it will get thicker, and... voila! You have some “gravy” that slightly resembles baby puke. But taste good!

No smushy white buns with butter, have whole grain rolls with mushed roasted garlic cloves

Dessert, god...where to start? Baked apples with cinnamon, nutmeg, honey, & raisins is a good start!

Alcohol. None, woah woah woah, just kidding, most of us need alcohol to get through the holidays. Isn’t it easier to tolerate drunk uncle Bob’s stories about when he was in high school driving his trans-am and was totally cool?

Or you could just go out for sushi and not have to cook or clean!

Most people are going to cheat sometime over Thanksgiving, use your ‘cheat’ wisely and make sure to keep working out!

You need a fit healthy happy body.

2010-09-27T15:29:00.000-06:00

Well, as you know, most days I enjoy making fun of the work people in my day to day life, making fun of their excuses, their reasoning for eating shit-food, their constant complaining about being fat while they eat KFC and don't dare move an extra inch. The one 'reasoning' I hear more often than anything else is someone saying it’s OK to do something—as if you are being rewarded, know what I mean? When there is crap-bad-for-you-but-taste-so-good-food in front of you? Here are some examples:

"It is OK to Splurge once and a while"

"You deserve a treat"

"Come on, let lose for one night"

"One cupcake won't kill you"

"You're on Vacation"

"It's your Birthday"

"It's my Birthday"

"It's Christmas"

"It's Thanksgiving"

"It's Easter"

"It's a new moon"

"It's my second cousin's neighbour's son's old college roommate's best friend's dog's birthday, eat up!"

The excuses and reasoning go on and on. But when you think about it, why is it that we regard crappy food as a "treat"? Why would you choose to 'splurge' on nothing but fat and sugar? Because this is what has been drilled into our heads from a life time of "it is okay". I still hear people say this to me, and usually I fight back with some smart ass remark such as 'Oh, I am a healthy eater, so I deserve to eat your apple pie with ice cream because I deserve to be fat?" The other day someone at work offered me a donut (go figure) and I of course said no, (but in my head I said "no you can have my donut as your right ass cheek isn't fat enough") she then said "perhaps if I didn't eat so many donuts I would look fit like you"

Awwwww Shucks!

I responded "yes, if you eat healthy and stay active you would definitely be fit".

She shrugged and grabbed a SECOND DONUT, saying "I have had a rough week".

Why!!!! WHY!!!! Why are our brains sabotaging us with such ridiculous statements? A friend of mine has always said "nothing cures a shitty day like a good workout" and she is 100% right. You have a bad day, you eat crap, you feel happy for the few seconds you eat the crap, and you then feel guilty. OR you have a bad day, you go to a rocking work out and sweat that crap-day right out of your system, letting your exercise endorphins bring you happiness, you then feel satisfied, and better about yourself. Let’s face it; the majority of us have jobs that cause us pain, whether it is stress, overworked, underpaid, donut pushers, etc... Many times it is easier to go home and drown your sorrows in a bottle of wine and some BBQ chips, but this is what fat unhappy people do. Not super awesome fit bitches! So the next time someone gives you the "EXCUSE" to eat crap food, remember that you are awesome and don't NEED their food. You need a fit healthy happy body.

You do not need crap food. You need a fit healthy happy body.

You need a fit healthy happy body.

You need a fit healthy happy body.

You need a fit healthy happy body.

You need a fit healthy happy body.

You need a fit healthy happy body.

You need a fit healthy happy body.

You need a fit healthy happy body!!!!!!!

2010-09-21T12:17:00.002-06:00

Today I got in an argument about using olive oil to pan fry food, because someone at my work is going home tonight to have perogies fried in bacon fat. Fried in bacon fat left over from last night’s supper. I got snarked at because “bacon fat adds flavour”. Honestly, I am exhausted from listening to these unhealthy unfit people try to rationalize their intake of such crap. I simply asked “have you even TRIED using a healthier oil that is good for you?” the answer was a shocking “no”. Then they started talking about things fried in bacon fat, and started moaning and groaning like it was big O time. Sick! Gross! Barfffff! They don’t even realize what they are doing, saying, sounding like. After I comented on the orgasmic bacon lovin’ sounds. They said “it’s better”. Bacon fat is better than sex? Things fried in bacon fat are better than sex??? What is wrong with this world??? What kind of sex are these people having?

Please dear god help these people. This obsession with bacon is creepy:

http://www.oddee.com/item_96679.aspx

Bacon flavoured mints, gum, vodka, lip balm, dental floss???? Ick!

(no, this is NOT me)

* All oils have different smoke points. Olive oil is best for low/med cooking and Extra Virgin Olive Oil is best for drizzling over food. For higher heat oil use canola or refer to this chart: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Smoke_point

Extreme Laziness

2010-09-19T13:55:00.001-06:00

Am I...."obsessed"? No. I am 100% normal.....right?

2010-09-15T21:46:00.000-06:00

Luckily I have many friends that are "get fit & hot" obsessed as I am. I like this, and I appreciate it, especially when other people make me feel like a weirdo (which is every F'ing day at work). Recently a friend and I where discussing our mild obsession, and she mentioned that she is tired of hearing people say "you look fine".

REALLY THOUGH!!!! I am so sick of hearing people say 'you look fine' or 'you're not fat' or 'you look great for your age'.

I don't have kids, but if I did and someone said "you look great for having two kids" I am pretty sure I would kick them in the eyebrow.

If you are one of these people that mutter these words you need to shut the hell up.

Saying any of these statements doesn't make a woman feel good. Don't believe me? Think about every wedding you have ever been too, and every bride you have ever spoke too. Have you ever said "beautiful wedding, you look fine" or "I love the venue you picked, you're not fat" or "congratulation, you look great for your age".

These are not compliments people!

Back to my conversation with my friend who said she is tired of people saying "you look fine", she then said "I don't want to look fine, I want to look fucking awesome".
Touché!
Don't we all? If you had your choice of looking fucking awesome or fine, which would you choose?
Remember that when you are deciding whether or not to go for a run.

(And to clarify, I mean fine as in "I was sick this morning, but now I feel fine" not homie g-funk saying fine as in "Damnnn Girl, yous is lookin Fine!")

Feeling guilty?

2010-09-08T21:53:00.001-06:00

After eating something less than stellar, take a look at this page, feel better about yourself, and then go work out:

http://thisiswhyyourefat.tumblr.com/

Big chest to small chest :(

2010-09-08T21:28:00.001-06:00

Why, why do we have to lose weight from our boobs? This is unfair. Dear universe, my boobs are fine, stop taking fat from them, please start taking fat from my ass instead. Perhaps you could just shift my fat around? Move thigh fat to my boobs? Please?

I was just told that cinnamon also regulates blood sugar preventing crazy spikes and crashes! Add it to your smoothies and oatmeal!

2010-09-08T21:25:00.001-06:00

Ass Kicker!

2010-09-05T15:08:00.002-06:00

Unfortunately I just so happen to be friends with the best cookie baker in all of Canada. She makes these mouth watering cookies that look like they came out of a dessert magazine spread, and I am not sure what smells better than fresh baked cookies, or any fresh baked good for that matter. Of course, you cannot have just one of these cookies, as they are that flipping awesome.

Bad fit bitch!

So, way too many calories later, my same cookie-master friend introduces me to a workout that will surely burn off those extra calories and then some. Insanity. Have you heard of this workout? Well, let’s just say, it is appropriately named.

Major-plyometrics-loads-of-core-all-out-intensity-buckets-of-sweat-dripping-work-out.

And that was just the 10 minute fit test.

Actual workouts are around 40 minutes; I think I may actually die when it is time to do the actual workout, as that 10 minute fit test was a killer. This will kick your ass! Trust me.

Wish me luck!

Ever feel like this when you hang out with your friends?

2010-09-04T14:37:00.001-06:00

Pizza + Burger = BLAH

2010-08-25T20:47:00.000-06:00

Oh yay! A pizza Hamburger! Apparently, this “Pizza Burger” has 2520 calories, and 144 grams of fat (59 grams of that is saturated) it also has 3,780mg of salt! So I would have to tread water VIGOROUSLY for four and a half hours to work off that amount of calories. Burger King says this is “meant to be shared” but we all know this is going to be the main course for fatties and stoners.

Eat that, turn to this:

mmmm

2010-08-25T20:34:00.000-06:00

Try cinnamon in your smoothie immediately. It is delicious and has switched up my morning routine! Throw it in with your fruit or chocolate smoothies. Cinnamon is not only tasty it is nutritious too, I know-who would have thought? a mere teaspoon of cinnamon contains 28 mg of calcium!

Next up, I will be trying it in savoury dishes, such as steak or chicken....I am not sure how this will turn out, but I will let you know.

Best Quick Breakfasts?

2010-08-17T19:43:00.000-06:00

As you know, I am majorly mental when it comes to making a quick healthy hearty breakfast. Weekends are fine, as you have time to actually make something. However, most days I do not. Actually every other day I do not. I have received a few emails asking what the heck I do for a quick breakfast as most people (myself included) are not even hungry when they wake up.

Drink a smoothie! It is nutritious and hearty (if you make it fit bitch standards!), and most people are thirsty when they wake up, no? Then, buy the time I get to work, I am ready for breakfast # 2 (microwaved oats or something similar).

I don't have time in the morning to do anything else - well really, I could have time if I could get my ass out of bed earlier, but I have been trying to wake up early since junior high school, and I still can't do so, 6:30 is already pretty friggin early! It’s easy to drink a smoothie while driving or on the bus, even walking to work and slurping is easy! So if you are still skipping breakfast, you need to do the following:

1. Slap yourself for being so bad

2. Smarten the hell up. You know breakfast is important! What kind of fit bitch are you?

So back on topic, quick breakfasts!

You may have seen the nice long page on different oatmeal recipes a while ago, generally I stick to a few of these and always make it in the microwave as dirtying pots and waiting is annoying. Some other of my favourite good hearty cereals that you can make in the microwave and create different combinations with fruit/spices/whatever are Oat Bran (purchase in a box, or sometimes a bag) and Red River brand Cereal (takes a while, so pop it in the microwave while you shower or something). Red River is ridiculously hearty and will fill you up like nothing else!

Quick smoothies

I have a travel smoothie cup from Starbucks, it was about $15 and I use it every day. Get one, or one like it. It has a tight fitting lid and a durable straw plus, it keeps your smoothie cold and your hands from freezing to the cup.

Magic bullet: why? Many reasons:

1. The blending containers exactly fit my smoothie cup, so there is no more massive smoothie breakfasts.

2. It is ridiculously easy to clean. I just run it under water when I am done.

3. It comes with 2 blades and multiple blending containers for those days when I don't run it underwater when I am done and strawberry seeds are dried all over it.

And

4. It is small and cheap! I have had mine for 6 years now, I only use it to make smoothies and crush nuts. However, it is time to get a new one as the blades no longer tear through blueberry skins like they once did.

So every night you are going to put all your ingredients into your little smoothie container. Then you are going to put the blade cover thing on it and put it in the fridge, now tomorrow morning, ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS:

1. Blend for a few seconds

2. Pour it in your smoothie cup

3. Look in the mirror and tell yourself you are fabulous!

So, I could sit here and list off a bunch of different recipes, but let’s be honest, if it is too much work, us fit bitches don't have time to do it.

So I stick to a few basic ingredients and mix up the fruit that I add too it to give it a different flavour. Once you start making these a few nights in a row, you will wonder how you ever lived prior to your smoothie awesomeness.

Basic Smoothie ingredients:

About 3/4 cup of plain low fat yogurt (I estimate this, actually really I just dump it in. I don't have time to measure everything out)

1/2 a banana (submerge the banana in the yogurt, it won’t get too brown that way, then put the other half in the fridge for tomorrows smoothie, a little bit of brown banana won’t kill you but if you can’t stand the thought of brown banana, then give yourself an extra few seconds in the morning to add the banana then)

A scoop of vanilla protein powder and sometimes I throw some psyllium fibre in there.

Then fill the rest up with whatever fruit you want, generally I use frozen strawberries and frozen mango as that is just what I like, but pick whatever fruit combo you like! I love raspberries and kiwis but the seeds get stuck everywhere and then I go to work with black kiwi seeds sticking out of my smile, not too professional.

Since you are doing this the night before, the frozen fruit will melt over night, so you shouldn't need to add any liquid, but if you do, just add some water, don't add extra calories with sugary juice.

The OTHER type of smoothie I frequently make is made with Chocolate protien powder instead of vanilla, I don't care for fruit and chocolate protein powder smoothies (other than banana) so I will usually use the whole banana, more yogurt, a few ice cubes, and pop some natural peanut butter in there, and/or some instant coffee to have a nice mocha smoothie.
Still, so easy, just a few ingredients! Do it now!
Have some of your own easy smoothie recipes? Let’s hear them!

Slacker McGee

2010-08-16T21:03:00.001-06:00

I must really apologize for the lack of posts lately. I have severely sprained right wrist, and a regularly sprained left wrist; so needless to say, I haven't been doing much of anything.

New post tomorrow. Pinky Swear.

Downhill biking. Oops.

2010-08-04T21:38:00.002-06:00

Well, I decided to rent a downhill mountain bike. I accidently slammed on my front break and flew over the handle bars. Fractured my right wrist and sprained my left. Had to be taken down the hill by patrol, had to wait in the hospital minor-emerge listening to the patients behind the other curtains discuss their own woes (rash in groin guy (gross) and pustule armpit girl (also gross)).

Now, I am extremely limited to the type of work out I can do, also I can barely type.

I may go insane.

Push Yourself

2010-07-27T21:53:00.001-06:00

Well, in my quest to get super fit, I decided to do a 45 km bike ride. Not just any bike ride, none of this pussy little pathway bike ride crap, oh no no. To push it fit bitch style, I did a 45 km mountain bike ride. This is going to be awesome.

That was not awesome.

My legs and energy levels where completely depleted before 20 km were up. Uphill 20 km, followed by more uphill, then a one second downhill, then...you guessed it, more and more uphill. We were almost half way, we decided to wait until the halfway point to sit and have a lunch break because apparently there is a gorgeous must see lake that is a short detour from the main trail. Well, the “short detour” made me want to die. I am not sure what type of peyote our trail book author was on when he wrote the review on this trail, but 2 km of treacherous-no-bikes-allowed-be-prepared-to-encounter-wildlife and never get back up the trail you just went down, is NOT a ‘short detour’. We had to push our bikes the whole detour as you could barely walk, let alone ride the trail. Kill me now.
Wait, I just tweaked my knee and it is throbbing, now kill me.

Finally we make it to the lake, well, it was really pretty, but not worth the trek in, I mean, perhaps if you have never seen a mountain lake before? No, even then it wasn’t worth it. Never was I so happy to see other human beings in my whole life. Now if I pass out and die, at least there are other people around to notify the rescue team to helicopter in and get me.

Since I expended every calorie in my body, I mowed down my food at the speed of light, and then my bf and I reflected on the ridiculousness that just happened to us, laughed, favoured my aching knee, and then relaxed in the shade for a bit. When I thought I had enough energy to continue....we slowly left the lake, and it was happily a mix of up and down hill, followed by lots of downhill and then lots of straight-boringness. Ask me how easy it is to bike using only one leg? Not so easy.
We had another chance to stop at a mini waterfall, crystal clear river, and met another biking couple who must have had the same trail book we did as they did the exact same ride, so we we complained and laughed about how the people at the lake must have thought we were either really amazing bikers for having our bikes on that trail, or really stupid bikers, hahaha.

Another 10 km of pain.

6 hours later we make it to the car. I have jelly legs, an empty belly, completely drained, hot, tired, sore, covered in mud and dirt, and....happy.

I am so proud of us. Especially me (as hubby is a golden boy and does everything perfect) completing 45 km of mountain biking!!! The elevation gain was crazy, the views were stunning. However, I am never doing it again. Ever.

My quads are killing me. My ass...is OK surprisingly.

2010-07-15T22:00:00.000-06:00

Can you believe this exists? Sandwich in a can? Is this a new low in ridiculous food. I saw this product reviewed on a website, where the writer suggested that this would be a GOOD food for kids to take to school. I then commented on his or her article with a sarcastic “yes, this is exactly what the already overweight kids of today need, an over processed preservative laced white bread sandwich in a CAN!” The writer then responded with “I was giving the product a fair chance since I haven’t seen the ingredients list”.

What? People out there think that this product could be good for you, what the hell? When you see/hear stuff like this, doesn’t it make you happy that we fitties have a brain? That we can look at an item of food and know that it is crap? I certainly am!

Hey look, coming soon: Pizza in a can! Burritos in a can! Chocolate bars in a can!

The most ridiculous food.

2010-07-12T11:47:00.005-06:00

In my time, I have seen some stupid food out there, food that really shouldn’t even be classified as food. But my trip to the Calgary Stampede last night would make any fit girl (or boy) cringe! Not only is there the long time staples of the fair going strong, but every year they add new retarded stuff that makes me faint when I hear about it and makes me vomit when I actually see people eating it!

Hot beef sundae (yes, potatoes-meat-gravy-sundae)

BBQ turkey legs (People are walking around holding a MASSIVE turkey leg in their hand gnawing away at the bone. SICK!) No pictures of this as vegetarians may scream. I eat meat, but anyone gnawing at a bone makes me queasy!

Anything you want on a stick is available on a stick (deep fried potato chips, hot dogs, and yes, even pizza. Pizza on a fucking stick!)

The regular fair crap: cotton candy, funnel cakes, elephant ears (beaver tails for those of you out east), corn dogs, mini doughnuts around every corner, sno cones, etc...)

Everything deep fried: zucchini, chicken, but, what takes the absolute cake are the following monstrosities I have witnessed:

Deep Fried Coke (I don’t know how this is possible, they have coke ‘syrup’ in a batter, I don’t get it either)

Deep Fried Macaroni and Cheese bites

Deep Fried Oreos

Deep Fried Twinkies

Deep Fried Cheesecake

Deep Fried Pickles (????)

Deep Fried Snickers Bars

And are you ready?

Deep Fried Jelly Beans

Deep Fried Gastric Bypasses also available

Yes, this is all true. This is not even the whole list of grossness available, but if I discuss any further I may hurl on my laptop. What else makes me hurl? The skinny boy sitting in front of me during the fireworks who I watched polish of the following in two hours time: Double burger and Fries, 1 slice of pizza, nachos, 1 large lemonade, and a bag of popcorn. Why is he skinny?!

In other news, clogged arteries are now free with your Calgary Stampede Entrance Ticket.

Wha the?

2010-07-08T21:27:00.002-06:00

OK, so like most women out there in a relationship, I work so hard to lose weight why hubby-dearest eats like a 15 year old boy and never gains an ounce (ARHG!!!). In fact, he is trying to GAIN weight (aren’t we a pair!). So, like a good little girlfriend, I looked online to find out some tips to help him gain weight. Do you know what I found? DO YOU? Well, I found: THE SAME F’ING TIPS THAT ARE TO LOSE WEIGHT!!! Yes, things like:

Drink more water

Eat lean protein

Add protein powder

Eat more vegetables

Lift weights

Get more sleep

Um? These are the same things that we do to lose weight? Clearly we can’t win.

Camping Fit Bitch Style

2010-07-06T19:49:00.000-06:00

OK, I don’t really get people who go sit in a tent in the woods just to hang around the campsite all weekend. Now, this may sound contradictory as I LOVE camping. But, I love camping in places with running hot water and campsite that are in a vicinity of awesomeness (hikes, biking trails, the beach, the lake, etc...) Just hanging out in a campsite eating and drinking all day sounds like no fun and makes me antsy just thinking about it. You get up, have greasy bacon and eggs, sit around, have hamburgers for lunch, sit around, drink, snack, then for supper you have god know what, sit and drink more, then it is night time so you roast wieners over the fire (mmrrph), drink more, make smores and eat 6 random roasted marshmallows, then have more snacks, more drinks. Goodness, we are at, what...6000 calories? Not to mention you have been sitting on your ass all day.

Fit-camping

1. Kayaks for fun racing and upper body work

2. Bikes for ass and thighs

3. Trail shoes for hiking or a woodsy run

4. Healthy camping food

5. Active Games (Frisbee, toss games, catch, what ev)

Spending the day exerting calories doing fun activities in the sun make that evening beer around the fire go down with less guilt, no? We know what healthy fruits, veggies, and snacks to bring, and having oatmeal, or eggs and fruit for breakfast isn’t that hard. It’s the supper where everyone wants to chow down, followed by campfire snacks, that I find hard! Other than the usually healthy BBQ meals (grilled chicken or fish, roasted veggies, corn on the cob) what about the camping staple? BURGERS!

Healthy Burgers! All of these recipes use:

- Whole grain thin pita bun thing (Superstore, Sobeys) or any type of thin whole grain bun that isn’t white, super healthy fit bitch buns don’t exist, so we have to use the next best thing (unless you want to substitute lettuce leaves or healthy bread for buns)

- NO KETCHUP. Ketchup = sugar, same with BBQ sauce. You are allowed mustard if you wish.

- Super lean burger (meat of your choice, or have a veggie patty) once this is done cooking, feel free to dab with paper towel, or wrap it in paper towel and exert all your weight on it soaking up ALL the excess fat. What?

5 OF FIT’S FAVE BURGERS:

1. Avocado slices, red onion, feta (light), alfalfa or radish sprouts, tomato slice, dill pickle slices
(this is my absolute fave)

2. Pesto, goat cheese (L), lettuce, tomato

3. Sautéed onion and red peppers, avocado

4. Roasted red peppers (fresh made or from a jar), red onion, sprouts or lettuce, and tomato

5. Light cheddar & salsa

Can you tell I love avocado and tomato? What are your favourites? The ones above are very easy and perfect for camping, they will fill you up and all you have to do is bring a few ingredients/toppings with you.
You will be full of healthy goodness, not of fatty crap, plus you will be able to move after supper.

2010-07-06T19:46:00.000-06:00

My office, 10:00 am, four boxes of timbits, two boxes of chocolate muffin tops, 1 half a strawberry rhubarb cake.

My office, 3:00 pm, 1 box of timbits with 3 left, no chocolate muffin tops left, 1/4 strawberry rhubarb cake left.

2010-06-30T22:21:00.000-06:00

Hmmmm, someone else thinks just as I do:

2010-06-28T22:19:00.001-06:00

It is so nice out! Get off your laptop and get outside!

To Cheat? Or Not to Cheat? Um, Not?

2010-06-23T19:59:00.000-06:00

If I had a nickel for every times someone asked me what I eat for my cheat days, I would have....well, probably only a few dollars. A whole day of cheating? No. No. NO!

We live a healthy lifestyle, we eat healthy, we work out, we are fit, and we try and change ourselves for the better. Sometimes, unfortunately you have to cheat. There, I said it! I am not going to act high and mighty and say I never cheat, we all do. But what do you 'cheat' with? Is it a burger and fries and a large shake from the ol’ time diner down the street? Or is it a bottle of wine to drink with your girls? If you are still at the point where you REALLY cheat, like binge and have massive meals, then you haven't educated yourself enough. I swear that once you do, you will not want to 'cheat' with massive loads of fatty crap.

Cheating for me is different now. Before I educated myself on food, I was one of those girls that had a McDonalds cheat meal "Hey you were good all week, you deserve a break" God! How ludicrous is this? We worked hard and ate healthy all week, and your "reward" is to negate all your hard work with 1000 calories of crap? So stupid! Reward yourself with clothes, or a pedicure, not food that will make you fat!

Now, a "cheat" is going out to a restaurant and accepting the fact that my whole wheat sandwich bread is going to contain sugar and enriched flour, or that my organic free range beef burger with no bbq sauce or ketchup did not have all that fat squeezed out of it and then rolled in paper towel to get the leftover fat off (beef a la fit bitch style) or perhaps a good “cheat” would be having some drinks and then at 2am splitting a veggie pizza slice on pizza corner when you are visiting your girlfriends and it is the first time all of you have been together in two years (What? Were we going to sit around and drink water and eat carrots? I went for a run and did push-ups and plyometric intervals in the park (while everyone stared at me) before the party night commenced). Popcorn with no butter during a movie? More calories then you really should have consumed for that delicious meal out at that restaurant you have been dying to go to. Now the cheats, well...they aren’t SOO bad. Make sure you work out extra hard that day ;)

We don't diet!

2010-06-21T22:10:00.002-06:00

So a woman in my office is attempting to be somewhat healthy (and I use ‘attempt’ and ‘somewhat’ loosely), let’s call her ‘Betty’ another woman (let’s call her ‘Veronica’) was going to pick up lunch and asked Betty if she would like a big Mac meal, Betty said "no" (yay, good for Betty). But 10 minutes later, what does Veronica show up with? A second big Mac meal back for Betty anyway. What the Sweet Fuck? And do you think Betty said "no, I am not eating that as I told you I didn't want one" nope, instead she said "oh Veronica, well since you bought it I have to eat it".

Can you frigin imagine? I am sure if Betty said no, Veronica’s feelings would have been hurt. What a bunch of babies.

Immediately after that, not one, NOT two, BUT THREE!!! Three different people said "wow, aren't you healthy" in regards to my lunch (ww tuna and veggie wrap no condiments & a bowl of cut up veggies no dressings) so after the third Mrs. Obvious pointed this out to me I very calmly and un-snappily said "people say that to me almost every day, did you ever think that perhaps you are the unhealthy one? I don't come in here and point out your lunch and say "wow, aren't you unhealthy" can you just let me eat my food? There is nothing wrong with being healthy". Awaiting a defensive backlash to come my way, I was surprised when she said "your right, we should all be eating like you".

And then continued to eat her ginger beef, fried rice, chicken balls, and egg rolls. Sigh.

Am I the only one surrounded by lunatics? I need to find a job where I am around normal functioning people who don't act like it is the last day they are going to eat before going on Survivor. Other thank becoming a nutritionist, I really am not sure if I will ever find an office filled with all normal people. Remember my office girl that quit weight watchers and decided to just eat healthy and work out? nope, she stopped, apparently it was too hard for her. And the one on South Beach or low carb, or whatever the hell she was on, stopped, she now is just eating like a starved alien who has just discovered North American food. Why can't people understand that just because you aren't 'on a diet' doesn't mean you have to eat like a ravenous zombie. Diets? What the hell! We all know they don't work, we all know that severally restricting your calories makes you hungry causing you to gorge and binge eat.

Just eat healthy, it is so simple! Need chips? Go get organic chips and have a few, not the whole bag. Need Nachos? Make them healthy with organic whole grain chips, low fat cheese (even try feta instead!) load the nachos up with veggies instead of beef. Need ice cream? Have a little bit of natural icecream with natural ingredients! Why is everyone so weak all the time. No, you don’t NEED to have a burger. No you are not going to DIE if you don’t eat that chocolate milkshake. Jesus, when will people stop trying to justify their stupidity and grow a pair!

I always used to get so annoyed when people would say to me “it’s not a diet, it’s a lifestyle change”. I would defensively want to bark at them: MY LIFESTYLE IS FINE. But now (even though I believe my lifestyle is fine) I get what they were saying. Because just because I eat healthy, doesn’t mean I am on a diet. It is just my lifestyle.

Make it yours if you haven’t already.

Oh yeah, work on that body image!

2010-06-17T21:01:00.001-06:00

I recently read an article titled “What I wish I knew when I was younger” god, how awesome would it be to know all that you know now when you where younger? How different our lives would be! Most of the article had a lot of good advice from a plus 50 year old woman telling the twenty-somethings of today (wear sunscreen, try new things, be financially savvy, etc...) but there was one major item left out: To eat healthy food and be active. If I knew then what I knew now, I would never have consumed the amount of hotdogs and orange pop I did when I was a kid.

Anyway, I am not here to bash the article, rather to promote my favourite part of the article:

“You are at least ten times prettier than you think you are. That holds true no matter how pretty you already think you are! Don't believe me? Ask your mother/auntie/grannie if she thought she was pretty when she was twenty. She'll say, "no." Then find a photo of her at that age. See what I mean?”

How true is this statement? What I think all my friends are gorgeous and have great bodies, but I am sure if you ask them they would tell you exactly what they hate about their body, and what they wish they could change. Stupid society drowns us daily with photoshopped/airbrushed/professionally make-up-hair-done-designer-clothes-wearing woman. And most of us have an unrealistic vision of beauty. Take a lot at these pictures:

So, really, if these ‘fake’ photos were not around, would our level of beauty be so high? Remember, even though we stress about what we eat to be healthy, working out to stay fit to tone and have a rocking body, there are certain things we need to accept about our body, this I am realizing as I enter my 30s and those good damn eye wrinkles get bigger, they belly is always looking pudgy, learn to accept your own beauty, and don’t pump toxic hormones into your face!

Article I read: http://lifestyle.ca.msn.com/real-life/inner-you/ymc-article.aspx?cp-documentid=24372313

2010-06-14T23:06:00.001-06:00

New post soon :)

New Years Resolution: Run a 10k. CHECK!

2010-06-07T20:55:00.002-06:00

I did it, my first 10k run. I can’t believe it. If someone told me a year ago that I would be able to run 10k without stopping (yes, it is hard to drink water out of a cup while running) in my underwear (I will explain later) I would have told them they where nutso. But here I am, 15 lbs lighter, stronger, and full of determination.

My team (well, more of a duo—it was my friend and I) raised over $1000 for below the waist cancer research and we ran in the Underwear Affair—raising awareness for cancer ‘down-there-ness’. A massive 5k walk or 10k run where people wear everything from simple underwear over their running shorts, to full on costumes, to just a t-shirt with a cleaver name, to nothing but their skivvies. It was amazingly fun, and afterwards there is a huge after party, a bunch of happy sweaty scantily clad people dancing and not caring that their cellulite thigh is jiggling in front of everyone.

Running 10k wasn’t so fun, my legs and feet are aching and my hip flexors are so stiff I can barely walk today. But the feeling of completing a race, knowing that you did it. Amazing. I almost got teary eyed at the end (OK, I totally got teary eyed at the end...and when I passed the 8k mark (the furthest I have ever run, EVER)....and when a police officer high fived me...and when a little kid gave me two thumbs up and yelled ‘yay’ when each runner passed him) but, especially at the finish line, where people are cheering you on, high fiving you, whoot-wooing at you, and seeing yourself on the big screen (as immediately after the finish line you enter the after party) and not feeling embarrassed or self-conscious that you are on a god damn BIG SCREEN TV in your unders in front of thousands of people. Instead I looked up at the screen and thought “I am so proud of myself”.

I was wearing girl ‘boxer-briefs” which consistently rode up my crotch during the run, and I had a pink undershirt tucked into them. Walking around before the race, I have literally never been more aware of my thighs in my whole life. I mean, you can suck in your gut when you are trying to look thin, but what the heck can you do to hide your wiggle-waggle thighs? Despite being in wedgie central most of the evening, I actually felt OK baring myself a little bit. This is highly thanks to all the other people that also shed their inhibitions. Hell, if a woman with 30% body fat can wear lace undies and a lace camisole, then certainly I should have no problem wearing large ‘short style’ underwear.

Thank you to everyone who supported me. This is a great cause, not only to raise money, but also to bring more awareness to those cancers that people don’t discuss so much. Not too many people want to have a race to raise money for ‘ASS & VAGINA CANCER’. Can you imagine? “Hello workmates, can you sponsor me to run in the ASS CANCER race?” Jesus! Thanks to the Underwear Affair, all money raised is for ALL cancers below the waist.

Here is our super clever team name:

Hot Yoga

2010-06-02T22:02:00.000-06:00

Finally I got to try hot yoga tonight. I have had so many mixed reviews, some love it, some hate it, some say the heat makes you stretch more than you should and that is bad, some say stretching more than you think you can is good. Some say they feel like they are going to pass out when in the hot room. Either way, I like stretching, being hot, and burning calories, so I will love hot yoga I am sure.
For this class I am at a swanky overly zen yoga studio that does nothing but yoga. I am waiting outside the studio door with about 40 other people, so naturally I size up everyone there. I am the second fattest, that sucks. Everyone else’s posture is better than mine, which also sucks. Clearly I am not a serious yoga goer, as I don’t have two towels, I don’t have a matching glass water jug thing, and I am obviously wearing way too much clothing. I thought capris and a tank top would be OK, but looks like shorty short shorts are the only way to hot yoga it up.

A ridiculously smoking hot guy comes over and waits at the door, I want to reach out and touch him to see if he is real, or just a figment of my imagination, but truly I don’t think my imagination could dream up someone so gorgeous. He opens his mouth to talk to the guy next to him and....Australian accent!!! Oh man, what a hottie.

Finally the door opens and we all pour into the room. It really isn’t that hot in here, what are people talking about? This is more like ‘warm yoga’. I position the center top of my yoga matt on the little arrow on the floor (making sure to stay far away from the hot Aussie or I won’t be able to focus on my downward dog) and I cannot believe how close I am to everyone around me. There are now about 50 of us jammed into this room. And, yes, it is getting warmer. Everyone is doing their own yoga poses while we wait for the instructor. I don’t know what to do so I just sit there and try to correct my posture.

Finally we get started. Man it is warm in here. Why is the girl beside me sweeting so much, it isn’t THAT hot. Thank goodness there is no B.O. stench in here as that would make me vomit all over my shinier-than-everyone-else’s-yoga-matt-as-mine-is-brand-newbie. About 30 minutes in I feel like I am going to pass out, but I like it. I like the tingly warm sensation, I like how my instructor is reminding me to breathe and correcting my positioning (he must sense I am a newbie), I like holding a weird pose and shaking and pushing through until finally you get to release and feel the calmness rush over you.

I am DRIPPING sweat, it is running into my eyes, down my back, giving me swass, wtf is my shin sweating? How does ones shin sweat? Why do I not have a headband on? My hair is sticking to my face. I can feel my cheeks burning up, and my instructor must have seen my fire engine red cheeks as he asked me if I was OK. God, can I exude any more “FIRST TIME TO HOT YOGA” vibes? Jesus, please don’t faint, please don’t fall over!

Finally we are done the hard stuff in into the cool down (if you can get any cooler in a room as hot as the sun). I am glistening with sweat, and I look like I was just thrown into a pool with my clothes on. But I feel so amazing. Very relaxed, very zen, and very tired.

This is a lot of fun. I definitely recommend it and I will be doing it again.

Make sure to bring:
lots of water, and make sure you have stayed hydrated throughout the day.
A large towel to put over your matt AND a small towel to soak up a bucket of perspiration.
Wear the least amount of clothing possible, when I am a sexy fit bitch I will totally be one of those skanks in class with the teeny shorts and sportsbra only.
Wear your hair up and away from your face.

Vacation Weight

2010-06-01T22:53:00.000-06:00

After ten fabulous days of vacation doing nothing but hanging out with friends and family in the sun, I have consumed more calories than an oil tycoon at a Texas pig roast. I really am massively surprised that I only gained a mere 2 pounds in ten whole freaking days.

Oh vacation, how many times have you been on holidays and heard the following or some version of the following:

“Have some, you’re on vacation”
“You can’t be on vacation and not drink, don’t worry about it”
“Dessert doesn’t count when you are on vacation”

Why is it that sabotaging healthyness is normal banter while on vacation? I had turned down many drinks many desserts many second helpings and many many many treats and snacks and I still felt like I ate like a pig all week. God, can you imagine if you ate everything you were offered on vacation? And am I the only one who can BBQ meat without lathering it in BBQ sauce? Or eat a salad with no dressing? How about not choosing chips as a side dish? Is this normal? It is easy to ask for your food to be prepared without added crap when it is you and a few good friends, but what about when you are attending multiple large gatherings with your old school family? Where it is impossible to have a say in what is prepared. What do you do? Not eat? Mop the BBQ sauce of your chicken breast with your napkin? Use lettuce leaves as a hamburger bun and then hear people say “uh, are you on Atkins?” because you are not eating white hamburger buns and you only have tomato slices and mustard on your burger?

The vacation weight battle happens whenever you are away from home, even for just a night. You are either eating out or eating food that someone else made. Thankfully most hotels have the ability to heat water up so you can still have oatmeal for breaky! Eating breakfast out is the biggest waste of calories and money I can even think of. When else do you sit down and eat a breakfast bigger than your head other than when you are on vacation? (or, when you where hungover in university?) Not too often. Pass on the breakfast and brunches out!

Thankfully for the most part of my vacation, I was with rocking normal people, who knew I would be stressed from multiple family feedings and they had amazing healthy meals prepared. These will be mentioned in the next wave of recipes.

2010-05-31T20:51:00.002-06:00

Back from vacation, new post soon...

2010-05-25T10:43:00.000-06:00

New post soon, I am currently on vacation visiting multiple friends and family :)

Oh Happiest of Happy Days!

2010-05-20T23:18:00.000-06:00

The dreaded weigh-in....new digital scale, staring me in the face, I can hear it mocking me “Uh bitch, I am digital, no errors in reading here like your old analog scale, I am the truth! Step on me so I can determine the outcome of your day, mwaa haa ha”.

Stupid scale thinks it’s so smart!

Now, before you weigh yourself, you must do the following:
Use the washroom (to get rid of excess pee & poo that could make you weight more)
Take off all clothes
Don’t eat or drink prior to weighing
(god, obsessed much?)

Weigh yourself in the morning, as that is when you are lightest, so therefore you will feel better about looking at the number. All night your body is burning calories, you haven’t eaten in around ten hours, you have had a lot of evaporation through your mouth, and you have an empty tummy.

OK, ready to face the truth.

Please pause here for exciting news.

.

.

.

Ready?

FIVE MORE POUNDS LOST!!!!

Best. Day. EVARRRR!

Time to measure....and? What do you think? Well, one inch lost from Bust (boo), waist (yay), love handle area, and 2 inches from butt (hips) total of 5 inches lost. Sigh, I am giddy like a school girl, or a girl who isn't in school.

Amazing! Being ridiculously diligent about what I put in my mouth and being active, hmmmm, who would have ever thought that eating healthy and working out would make you get skinny?

15 lbs away from goal weight, unbelievable!

Tid Bits

2010-05-18T21:15:00.000-06:00

After an amazing weekend filled with biking, yoga, and hiking-hiking with running uphill intervals a la Bootcamp style, my friend challenged me to do this, and....being a super healthy fit wannabe, I had no choice but to say yes! I have the sorest ass in North America right now, and boy does it feel good ;)
Another plus: I ran into a friend whom I haven’t seen since October of 2009, and he totally noticed a huge change in me, saying that I (and I quote) “look skinny”. HAAAALLELUJAH! Hallelujah!!!! I don’t think there is a better comment out there than that!

Two more days until the Month weigh in. I am stressed and scared. Not losing any weight in a week isn’t SOOO SOOO bad, but what if you don’t lose any in a month? I may break yet another scale with anger. I better jump on that scale and see -30 pounds! (sigh, we can dream right?) Wouldn’t it be awesome if you could just wake up and be skinny? I will have to go have 2 ‘last chance workouts’ before the fateful Thursday morning scale meeting!

Wish me luck! (I need it)!

OH. MY. LORD!

2010-05-12T18:09:00.000-06:00

Please have a look at this video, and get ready to drop your jaw. It is a real restaurant. I don't know what is more unbelievable, the fact this restaurant exists, or the fact that they actually have a burger that contains over 8,000 calories (4 DAYS worth of calories, plus fries (all you can eat fry bar), plus coke, jesus! That is like a week of crap-calories for one meal).

I want to punch every 'nurse' in this place...clearly they don't eat there!

Thanks to Amanda D. for sending this in.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zbKRSYAuSNg

Self Sabotage

2010-05-11T19:57:00.000-06:00

Have you ever been to that point where you are doing so good in your get in shape regime, where you have lost some weight, you have lost some inches, you have been ridiculously diligent about what you put in your mouth, and then you do something bad? Maybe you were shopping in the organic market, and a fresh baked organic oatmeal and raisin cookie the size of your face popped in front of you, and you bought it thinking “organic cookies can’t be as bad as regular cookies, I mean, there is less than 6 ingredients in this cookie, and I can pronounce them all....soooo it won’t hurt if I buy it....and only eat ¼....or even ½ the cookie”.

And then you eat half and put the rest away, vowing not to touch it, but you actually eat more than half?

Alright, goddamnit, I ate the whole thing!

Now I am stupid feeling, so I have to go out for a run to make myself feel better. Just because I have organic sugar and butter in my cookie, unfortunately doesn’t make it healthy. I wish it did however, because fresh baked cookie smell must be what heaven smells like.

Punishment: Run with intervals followed by boring arm weights

Hawaii Chair

2010-05-10T22:44:00.000-06:00

There certainly are some silly fitness products out there, this one...needs to be seen:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aQspIJnQLRE

OATS!

2010-05-05T22:08:00.000-06:00

Man, I hate when I re-read a post the next day and find a spelling error. My grade three teacher was right; I never will learn how to proofread if I don’t stop day dreaming about those damn hatching chickens under that stupid red light!

I absolutely love when people write in or comment....well, I like the good comments, the mean ones make me sad, but everyone is entitled to their opinion right? Even if it is wrong.

So a lot of fit bitches out there would like some oatmeal recipes, so I am going to share my favourites. Experiment as much as you can, if you eat oatmeal as much as I do, you will appreciate the variety! I keep a glass jar on my counter (along with a jar of flaxseed, protein powder, and raw almonds) so they are there reminding me that a quick healthy breaky or snack is only a few minutes in the making.

Rolled or Steel Cut?

Rolled oats are just that, an oat rolled out, you can get these in regular or thick rolled (same thing, just the actual rollers used to roll the oats are set at different thickness).

Steel cut oats are oats cut with a blade (um...made of steel?), these take longer to cook. Any grain that takes a long time to cook is SUPER good for you! Which is why these types of oats are the best! However, I am a busy freaking girl so I use the rolled oats, and most times I throw them in the microwave with a guesstimated amount of water. NO INSTANT OATS OR OATMEALS FOR FIT BITCHES!

Benefits of OATS!

1. You will be strong, like horse!

2. They can help lower bad cholesterol.

3. Oats stabilize your blood sugar. They keep you fuller for longer. Protein, fibre, minerals, vitamins OH MY!

4. Cheap cheap cheap cheap!

Whatever oats you decide to use for the below recipes, just follow the water to oat ratio on your oat package for one serving. On the weekends, I do these in a pot but to be honest? I am a lazy morning person and I usually microwave my oats and eyeball all the ingredients. So, add the ingredients to your liking. These recipes are so simple your cat could do them, get creative. If you make something you don’t like, throw it out and try again (oats are cheap remember?) If you think I use WAY too much nutmeg, then just at 1/8 a tsp first to see if you like it...whatever your fit little heart desires.

Alright, cook you oats and add the following for a change up:

1. Coconut Cream oatmeal.

I am putting this recipe first as it is the highest in (healthy)fat & carbs & calories. After you eat this go for a hike and work it off!

Substitute ½ the water with light coconut milk and a tablespoon of flaked (unsweetened) coconut. So yummy!

Have more time: add half a sliced banana (I know you will add a whole banana even though I said just add a half, so buy small bananas, not these massive bananas that make your boyfriend jealous)

2. Chai oatmeal

Throw a chai tea bag in the water before you add the oats, allow steepage for a min and then add your oats and sprinkle cinnamon to your liking (I use 1 tsp).

Have more time: Also good with this recipe is adding some real vanilla bean. Mmmm.

3. Tea of your choice oatmeal

Doing the same as above, but experiment with different tea. Apple Spice tea = Apple spice oatmeal. Blueberry tea = blueberry oatmeal. So simple and healthy! You are adding tonnes of flavour without adding fat, sugar, or nasty fake sweetener crap!

Have more time: add some chopped fruit to match your tea (berry mixed tea with chopped strawberries YUM)

4. Apple oatmeal

Top your cooked oatmeal with two tablespoons of Organic Apple Butter (no, it is not butter, but it is spreadable like jam...think very concentrated applesauce)

Have more time: add sliced apple

5. Protein Packed Choco-Peanut Butter Oatmeal

Add two tablespoons of chocolate protein powder (I use VEGA brand) about ¼ cup of skim milk stir, and then add 1 tablespoon of natural peanut butter.

(Experiment with whatever type of protein powder you use)

6. Raisin Spice Oatmeal

Add raisins to the water when you add your oats (2 or 3 tablespoons) stir in 1/4 tsp nutmeg and ½ tsp of cinnamon

7. Maple walnut Oatmeal

I only use 1/2 tablespoon REAL natural maple syrup (no, not Aunt Jemima!) but if you still have a sweet tooth add a full tablespoon, then add two tablespoons chopped walnut

8. Honey Cranberry Oatmeal

Add two tablespoons of dried cranberries (not ones that had sugar added, look for organic dried cranberries sweetened with apple juice) to the water with the oats and top the cooked oatmeal with some honey.

9. Banana Bread Oatmeal

I love bananas

Mash up 1 banana, 2 tsp of real vanilla extract or add real vanilla bean, add 1/4 tsp nutmeg and ¼ tsp cinnamon, and 2 tablespoons of chopped walnut. Then add the cooked oats, stir, and add some skim milk to lessen the thickness.

10. Omega Power Oatmeal

Add: 1 tablespoon of flaxseed and chopped berries of your choice

I like my oatmeal stick to your spoon thick! So if you like yours less stick to your ribs, add more liquid when cooking, or pour some skim milk over your final product. ENJOY!

Where am I? Horseville? Because all I hear is a bunch of Naysayers!

2010-05-04T21:51:00.001-06:00

Remember a while ago I said I was going to lose it?

I did. Twice....well really once, because the second time was an extension of the first time. It was recess time (morning smoke break for most people at my hell-office) and I was super excited to eat my snack: Yogurt with berries topped with oats and flax seed (mmm protein, healthy fats, omegas, carbs, fibre, and under 300 cals!) Tweedle-DUMB walked by and asked me what I was eating, when I told him he said “Uh sounds like a horse”.

“WHY ARE YOU ALLOWED TO MAKE FUN OF ME WHEN I AM THE ONE EATING HEALTHY? SOUNDS LIKE A HORSE EH? AT LEAST IT DOESN’T SOUND LIKE A HEART ATTACK! “

Everyone was silent, and I felt weird....so I went to my desk and ate my horse snack in peace. It was delicious!

He then walked by my desk again and said “Neighhhh, how was your horse snack?”

ARRHHGGGG!!!

“HOW MANY HORSES DO YOU KNOW THAT EAT YOGURT AND FRESH CUT BERRIES? SO WHAT IF THEY EAT OATS, THEY ARE STRONG, LEAN, AND NOT FAT, SHOULD WE FEED THEM DONUTS INSTEAD?”

So proud of my witty comeback, I waited for a rebuttal, but he did what most idiots do when they don’t have anything to say to a woman who has just spoken her mind, he made that stupid ‘rowrrr’ cat sound. GOD! What a dick!

So, I am calm again, I think I may just walk around my office with ear plugs and eat my food in my car.

Horse Parfait
Layer in this order:
½ cup low fat yogurt
1 cup of your choice of berries (I used strawberries and blackberries this time)
¼ cup of rolled or steel cut oats
1 tablespoon of flax seed

The readers write in

2010-04-30T19:58:00.000-06:00

Some days, I get so stressed out. I know I am going to lose it on one or two of my idiot coworkers.

However, a few readers have emailed me to let me know the following:

1. I am not the only one who secretly judges people and what they eat.
2. Seems everyone works with morons, not just me.
3. The readers of this blog are funny, and I love them.

Here are some of my favorites:

You think an extra large double double is bad, the other day I was in line and the woman in front of me ordered an extra large 4&4. When it was my turn at the counter, I asked the employee if that woman did indeed order an XL 4&4 and the employee said “yeah, it is more common than you think”.
XL 4&4: 580 Calories & 28g of fat (for your COFFEE!!!!)

During lunch today, I watched a woman eat a KFC meal while she talked about how she is trying to lose weight and nothing is working.

Yesterday my boss told me that I need to ‘stop complaining’ that they don’t provide milk as an option for tea and coffee, and “cream” is what goes in coffee not milk. Stupid old man boss. I need a fit-bitch-woman boss!

I asked if I could come into work 30 minutes early so I could have a 90 minute lunch to take a yoga class, I was told no. But then the next day my department took a 2 hour lunch to go out for pizza and beer.

Donuts are abundant in my office as well. I never eat them (even though they call my name), and today, someone took three donuts, packed them up in a ziplock container and hid them in my purse. Why does everyone want to sabotage us?

I worked in the same office for 3 years, the last 6 months I worked there is when I started changing my diet from 'dieting' to just eating healthy whole natural foods just like you. Everyone gave me shit daily. BUT when I started a new job about 4 months ago, I acted extra healthy RIGHT from day one, and my new office just accepts me as the "healthy one". Maybe you need a new office?

Thanks Everyone! Keep em' coming!

Fit Food Thrift

2010-04-26T22:19:00.000-06:00

Yes, healthy eating cost more. But healthy eating and staying fit & active make you a better, healthier person, which lowers all the coat associated with being unhealthy....so really, where is that saved money going? Clipping coupons is so lame, do you even ever remember to take the coupons you have with you? If you do, great, I am jealous. But if you are like me and have a bunch sitting at home that are expired because it has been THAT LONG since you remembered you had them, really you are just wasting your time. I mean, how many coupons do you need to clip to save a significant amount of money...and don’t items just go ‘on sale’ now? Do they even have coupons for fresh veggies and fruit? What ev, coupon clipping annoys me and makes me feel poor.

Do you know what else I can’t seem to remember? My good damn reusable grocery bags. I mean, how hard is it to remember them? Yes, I keep them in my car, I still manage to forget them. Maybe it is just me. OK ... back to Fit Food Thrift:

Tips to save a little cashola

If something cost too much, just don’t buy it.
I love asparagus. LOVE IT! But when it is over $3/lbs then I really don’t think it is worth it. I remember a few weeks ago asparagus was something redic like $8/lbs (wtf? Was there an asparagus shortage I didn’t hear about?) so even though there are foods you love and always want to buy, cut them out when the price is too high.

F***** Food
No, Frozen doesn’t always mean bad. Frozen veggies and fruits often contain the same (and sometimes, more) nutritional value of their fresh counterparts. These veggies are picked and then frozen right away, retaining their natural nutrition. Frozen veggies taste better than canned veggies and usually have no other additives.

Buy in season
In the summer/fall, you can get smoking freaking deals on the ‘in season items’. The Farmers have surpluses and sell it at a low price as the supply will outweigh the demand. Stock up on these and freeze some (as long as it isn’t something un-freezable like lettuce-duh). Frozen fruit and berries are perfecto in smoothies. If you are really ambitious and know how to do homey things like stew tomatoes and stuff, then do it. And then tell me how to.

Eat less meat
Replace a few meat meals with all veggies. A good stirfry loaded with different veggies will make you wonder why you loaded it with steak or chicken in the first place. Get protein from beans, lentils, tofu, other veggies, eggs, etc... I promise you, you will not even care that you went a whole day without meat.

Eat less cheese
Cheese is delicious and I love it. Period. For lunch I would always have cheese and meat, whether it was in a sandwich or a salad or pasta, or whatever. Stop putting cheese on everything. Stop putting it in every sandwich or shredding it on every salad, no more shaking parmesan on your pasta. Not only are you saving money buy not buying so much cheese, you are also saving on fat and calories, way to be SMART & FIT bitches!

Oats
That’s it. Just buy oats.
They are nutritious, filling, and good for you. A bag of oats cost a couple bucks and can be eaten for breaky for weeks and weeks. (No, do not get instant or minute, get the hearty rolled or steel cut oats, mmmmm clean eating!) I have a billion recipes to share with you, to vary your morning oatmeal (to follow).

Freeze leftovers
Make a nice big pot of low fat, fibre rich, hearty veggie chilli. Freeze small batches, and you now have some healthy quick lunches you can grab on your way out the door and heat up and enjoy at work. Same goes with soups and healthy pastas. Again, there is so much already going on it these type of meals that leaving out the meat won’t even phase you.

Smoothies
How many times have you made a smoothie and made too much? Most times? Freeze the smoothie surplus in ice cube trays. So the next time you are in a hurry, toss in the smoothie-cubes into a blender with some liquid of your choice and voila! Saving time & cash.

Bulk
I think it is no secret that bulk food is cheaper than packaged food.

Stop buying so much bottled water
God, what a freaking waste of money! City tap water is regulated MORE than bottled water. Empty bottles are an absolute ludicrous contributor to the amount of waste in this world (yes they are recyclable, but it goes WAY beyond that simple fact). Get a good Nalgene bottle (or whatever brand you fancy) and take your own water with you. Yes, this goes for when you are eating out, if you are eating at a place that doesn’t serve water in a glass, then you most definitely can haul your Nalgene bottle out of your Matt & Nat and drink away.

Grow your own garden
Ha HA HA. I wish! My yard is like....the size of most people’s deck. And what if you live in a condo or an apartment? This is a stupid tip. I actually read this somewhere else, and thought I could bitch about it here. One, we have to learn how to garden, and then we have to tend to that garden, who the hell has time to do that? Two, we are too busy working out and having careers and some of us are super moms, we are too busy being awesome fit bitches, right? OK, maybe we could start with growing an herb or two on our window sill? I will give this a try, and I kill every plant that is brought into my house so I will let you know if it is easy or not.

But for reals: wouldn’t having your own garden rock? You could just walk out and pick fresh veggies and pop them right into your mouth?

Send your saving money tips to fitbitchblog@gmail.com

Bike!

2010-04-23T14:42:00.002-06:00

I am writing from my office today, how inappropriate. I really have never worked anywhere that loves donuts as much as this place. It is like I work with a bunch of Homer Simpsons. Yet again someone is giving shit to the people who AREN'T eating the donuts she brought in. I should record people and play it back to them so they know how ridiculous they sound.

OK, no more donut talk ever.

First bike ride of the year happened. Lets just say the following:

1. I forget how to breath when I am biking up hill. Must work on this as breathing is essential.
2. Legs are Jell-O and do not work the way I need them too.
3. Biking is awesome

Firms up the ass, gives you a good cardio workout, you can sit down, legs are getting a workout, going downhill is fun, and you look cool in mountain biking gear with mud and dirt all over you. Biking with all my extra poundage really makes me want to work harder to lose it so biking will be easier (I hope).

I joined a 'biking group'. A group of gals that put together different trail rides twice a week and also hold clinics on how to be better (better at biking, not a better person). I think I may even enter a race! Entering a race or any kind of event will push you to practice and get better, and lord knows I need the push. Plus a picture of me in bike racing garb will make a fabulous facebook profile pic.

Won one over

2010-04-20T23:25:00.000-06:00

I know I bitch a lot about most of the people at my work, it is a nice outlet when really I want to yell and punch my work people in the head. I have had a few readers write in and tell me their work idiot stories, and I will share them with you soon. If anyone has any stories they would like to submit, please do.

So! I am so excited! I almost peed my pants! And I drink a lot of water, so it would have been a mass amount of pee.

A woman at my work, whom I never make fun of because she has a good attitude and tries her best to be healthy (yes that’s right, fit bitch does have a little bit of a heart, remember, I am not a skinny minny winny either).

So she is overweight and has been doing Weight Watchers on and off for many years, she has lost 35 pounds and kept it off for a year (yay). She still has a long way to go, but I don’t bitch about her because she doesn’t make fun of me and the food I eat, plus just because someone is fat it doesn’t mean I hate them. I only hate people that make fun of ME for being healthy regardless if they are skinny or fat.

She has been talking to me on and off about food, working out, eating natural, etc, and she called me to tell me she cancelled her Weight Watchers and is inspired by me and how I eat and now she is going to start eating all natural and not-crappy-salty-sugar/aspartame-low-in-fat-but-high-in-bad-carbs-which-makes-you-fat-anyway-but-it-is-only-2points-so-WW-says-its-ok-food!!!!

So happy! I wanted to scream "I AM PUTTING YOU IN MY BLOG BECAUSE YOU ARE AWESOME!!!!" But clearly if you have read this blog, having my work people know about it would not be smart. At all. Not even a little bit.

I am packing up my cookbooks/recipes/tips & tricks to give to her tomorrow, and I will let you know how her progress goes.

Running is sexy?

2010-04-19T19:25:00.002-06:00

It’s a beautiful day out, it’s warm, the sun is shining, there isn’t a cloud in the sky, and it seems everyone is out enjoying this gorgeous weekend. After glopping on my body glide to prevent my man toes from developing a blister. I pop in to my sweet addidas clima cool with the cute little vents on the side that let a nice cool breeze of air in with every swoosh of my leg thus keeping my feet dry and stink-free, and head out the door.

Sunglasses? Check
House key? Check
Cute running outfit? Check

Off I go (damn, is this my house key or my office key?). Down through my subdivision, ahh suburbia, so safe and quiet with your running trails, so full of hot sweaty landscapers in workboots and jeans with no shirt, I should go see if they are free to *ahem* mow my lawn.

Now, I don’t know if it is the fact that my running outfit is tight, or my cross over extra supportive deep V tanktop totally rocks the cleavage even while running (yes, so worth $80), the fact that I am constantly bouncing up and down, or that I am all glisten-y with sweat, but I get checked out WAY more when I run then when I doll myself up, squeeze my whale feet into 3 inch heels, apply extra shimmer lip gloss, and don a sexy dress that hides all the right places.

Even though my face is bright red, my upper arm flab is vibrating every time my foot hits the ground and I am still sucking in my gut as I run, I feel good. I feel powerful. I feel sexy.

One of the landscapers actually whistles at me, I give him a “ah, I am a woman and do not appreciate you whistling at me like I am some piece of meat bopping around for your enjoyment, plus I am out of your league, fist pump, woman power!” But really on the inside I am uber flattered and that made my day because he was hawt!

My dreaded hill is coming up, I want to stop for a breather half way up as I now sound like I am having an asthma attack, but I know I can keep going (I have to 10k in June 10k in June, 10k in June), this really skinny girl with a swinging blonde ponytail and not a drip of sweat on her is running towards me, (she started at the top of the hill, and she must not have been running for long, or she would look like a hot mess just as I do) as she passes I notice the Running App on her ipod touch, it says 4.6km.

ARHG! How did she run 4.6km so far and still look like she walked out the door.

I speed up my strides for good measure, why don’t I have an ipod touch? I would program the Running App to say 23.8km and hold it out in front of me while I run, then I would show blonde ponytail that I can also run forever looking like a Maxim cover girl.

( Why are these model girls always around me? Soon I will be one of those girls, and someone will hate me, yay!)

A Frisbee hits my leg and I pick it up to throw back to the ultimate Frisbee (I assume that is what they are playing????) guys, hoping that my awesome throw will make them ask me to come play with them, but no, I throw it like a handless monkey and it goes riiiiight into a tree. How. Mortifying.

Thank goodness a tall guy was able to reach it and I didn’t ruin their game, I apologized and ran away (amazing how fast I am running uphill now).

Finally home, do some stretches in the yard, reach into my pocket and...

Sigh...office key.

No weigh in day

2010-04-19T19:24:00.000-06:00

Alright, I have decided I am driving myself crazy with a scale and weight, so I am not going to take measurements OR weigh myself until May 20. This gives me one month to not stress about Monday morning, or my measurements. I don't understand why my pants are hanging off me but my measurements and weight don't change.

~ You're losing fat and gaining muscle.

Yes, I understand, but I still have loads of fat that needs to go, and 6 months into this program I feel I should be further along. How depressing! No wonder people stay fat.

Little Changes

2010-04-15T21:59:00.003-06:00

Did you know that a large Tim Hortons' Double Double has 230 calories and 12 grams of fat? There are MULTIPLE people in my office alone who drink XL DDs everyday! I can’t even fathom this. I love how nutritional information is available with the click of a button, albeit not always exact, at least if helps give us an idea of how many calories are in those ‘quick’ food choices. Just switching your cream to milk would save you about 11 grams of fat and nearly 200 calories! These little changes add up!

Now, I know not everyone has a Tim Hortons across the street from their office, and perhaps not everyone has an office full of drones who walk in with Tim Hortons in hand everyday and then gorging on donuts during meetings (oh, this week guess what? No donuts....instead we had cookies, fatty huge Subway cookies, at 8:30 in the morning. Do you think they allow their kids to eat this for breaky?).

So let’s say you frequent Starbucks or Second Cup, whatever your choice is, those morning coffees and lattes can add up. So if you are one of those people that have one a day, let’s say 5 a week, and they each have 200 calories (this is for the sake of easy math). Also, you have an hour lunch break where you hang out in the lunch room on your butt eating.

Stop having the additional 200 calories

Go for a walk at lunch and burn about 200 calories

(Walk fast, for about 40 minutes. That gives you twenty minutes left to eat your lunch when you are back. The amount of calories burned depends on your weight and how fast you walk; again for the sake of easy math I am using a ‘burnage’ of 200. For more exacts results tailored to yourself, go to a calorie counting website, I like caloriesperhour.com)

So by not consuming 200 calories, and walking off 200 calories you have a daily calorie deficit of 400. 400 calories gone by midday and you haven’t even worked out yet! Doesn’t seem like a lot? Well, if you do this Monday to Friday for ONE month you will have burned 8000 calories. Now, that is a lot! Just over two pounds lost to be exact! All because you stuck to your guns and went for a daily walk and didn’t have your morning double double!

Little changes help. If you don’t drink a double double, well give up something else that is around 200 calories. Can give up any more calories? Go for a walk, it will negate those calories you drank!

This is a new rule I am following this month. I don’t drink double doubles, but I usually have a Kashi bar or Lara bar or some kind of healthy sugarless bar, and they are around 150 to 250 calories, so I am cutting those out.

I swear to god if I don’t lose any more weight by Monday I am going to hurt someone.

Um, actually....I DO enjoy myself!

2010-04-14T19:10:00.000-06:00

So I was having a conversation with a woman I work with, she asked me how I stay so skinny when I eat so much food (I am not skinny, I am just thinner that she), and I replied “I eat healthy and work out” and she looked at my blankly and said I must work out all the time, I answered “no, but when you eat healthy, it isn’t as much of a problem”. She then said she would rather enjoy herself. This is a woman who complains she is fat and has health problems. She then said that I was missing out because last night she watched 3 movies and for supper she had Kraft Dinner which had nacho con queso cheese dip mixed in and topped with bacon and shredded Tex Mex cheese, and then made a face like she just had an orgasm. She looked over at my face (which probably looked like I had just swallowed a wad of drain hair) and she said that “It is too bad I am not able to enjoy such food”.

Enjoy? Such food? That does not sound appetizing at all. Not even a little bit. I really wanted to respond by saying “You know, you are right, I would MUCH rather be fat and sit on my ass all the time just so I could eat that meal”.

Why is it that fat unhealthy eaters think that skinny healthy people are not “enjoying themselves” ?

I LIKE having a grilled piece of salmon with roasted veggies, it is fucking delicious! Baked vegetarian pasta, veggie stir-fry, vegetarian chilli are so good. Having a healthy sandwich and salad is not a pain for me. It makes me feel good to eat healthy, why? BECAUSE IT IS GOOD. Not enjoyable is eating deep fried mass grown chicken body parts dipped in sugar sauce with deep fried fries dipped in sugar sauce, with a side of glow in the dark coleslaw, then having massive guilt, NOT feeling any better for having eaten it, and then being in a bloaty slouchy tired mood all afternoon.

I don’t understand how people like this can even TRY to argue the fact that THEIR way of living is better.
Us fit bitches KNOW we rock. Fuck those assholes! I am so tired of them giving ME shit for being healthy.

It’s true, I have never seen an episode of 24, nor do I give a rats about American idol, or any other shows that makes me sit on my ass for 5 hours a night. But I have summated a mountain, climbed a waterfall, biked deep in the wild where I literally biked next to deer and coyote, kayaked in a fresh glacier lake, and many other fun activities, all things I wouldn’t be able to do if I chose to sit home on my ass every night. The accomplishment one feels after pushing them self to do something out of their comfort zone is amazing. The moment I had after hiking a mountain with my friends and having a picnic on top, is worth more to me than my boxed set of Sex and the City (and what girl doesn’t love Sex and the City?).

Do you think there are old people on their death bed saying “man, I wish I would have watched all those seasons of ‘House’ before I die”. Or, do you suppose they are saying “I am so glad I got the chance to hike Mt. Kilimanjaro before I died”.

Ya, I am going to go with the latter.

Bitchclaimer:
Yes, of COURSE I watch TV! Who the hell doesn’t? But my life doesn’t revolve around it and what shows are on when. Set a routine, work out when you get home and PVR/DVR your shows to watch them at night.

Y.U.C.K.

2010-04-12T22:59:00.000-06:00

Dear Canada,
Thank you for NOT having the new KFC Double Down available.
Yours Truly,
Sane People

Wow, my friend sent me this picture and all I could do was cringe. Debuting today (in America) this gross sandwich has stupid people excited. You can order it with a side of fries and a defibrillator.

Two deep fried chicken breast, two slices of processed cheese, 2 slices of bacon, and KFC’s “special sauce” topped with a lot of saturated fat and a day’s worth of sodium, how can you not want to eat this? MRPPPHHHH ....excuse me, I just threw up in my mouth.

Items like this exist because people buy them, those people are stupid, or they are stoners.

Do you know what else is a weird item high in fat, calories, and sodium? A McGriddle, what the hell? Maple “pan cakes” as the bun with sausage egg and cheese between them? GROSS!

Why can’t people understand the sickness of these fast food items?

Have this for breakfast, a Double Down for lunch, and a burger and fries meal for supper, and then make an appointment for a gastric bypass and check yourself into the ER for your heart attack that is about to happen. A lot of those huge sloppy fast food burgers contain over 1000 calories. Throw in fries, a drink, a dessert if you are still alive, and you are on your way to being shaped like a huge ball of fat globules. Ew.

Did you know that a Burger King large chocolate shake has almost 2000 calories? 2000!!!! That is over a day’s worth for some people. Don’t ever eat this crap. EVARRRR!

Need a new scale...

2010-04-12T22:10:00.002-06:00

As you know my last scale “broke”, it was one of those god awful analog scales. So I decided it was time to buy a new digital scale. I need to make sure I am staying on track here. My friend told me she got one at Walmart for $20 so I figured that since I am cheap, I would do the same. Well after I walked around massive Walmart and had the following events happen to me:

1. A kid jump out from hiding in a clothes rack and yelled ‘boo’ and then giggled like a maniac until I lunged toward him with death in my eyes.

2. A man asked me where the electronics section is, I said “does this heels, suit, and lack of a blue vest outfit LOOK like I work at Walmart?” he gave me the once over and said “no” and just walked away. Later in the parking lot he got into his pick up that had a ‘shit happens when you party naked’ bumper sticker on it. Score!

3. I watched a white trash couple fight over Corn Pops and Fruit Loops cereal, and never more in my life did I wish that I had the ability to record and post a video on youtube with my phone. Damn you Research in Motion!

4. I overheard two girls discussing the sustainability of blow up furniture vs. Bean bag chairs for their parties (oh to be in college).

So for an hour racking my brain as to where the scales would be, I finally found them (in the Hardware section, duh) where the cutest most adorable non English speaking old Chinese man helped me find a price of the only suitable scale that would look remotely OK on my bathroom floor, I grabbed a weight-bmi-how much water is in me (?) scale, thanked old Asian man who said “you no need worry about weight” (awww) and went to the cash, where of course it rang in about $100 more than it should have. After trying to argue with the lady that “no no it is $20” (apparently no one at this Walmart speaks English) she wouldn’t let me have it for said price. Defeated, I walked out of the store and went to a Drugstore, Home Outfitters, and a shoe store (what?) and sadly I found no $20 digital scale. There is no way I am paying $80+ dollars for something that is going to make me mad every time I use it.

So now I don’t have a scale, which means I don’t have to have that dreaded weigh in today, and that makes me happy, however it does not help my weight loss goals, I will keep looking for one so I can use it next Monday so I can either have a fantastic day or a really crappy day.

Day.....I have lost track?

2010-04-06T20:40:00.000-06:00

I am finally feeling better, and am back on solid food so I thought I would go buy some fresh fruits and veggies. While in the grocery store, there were two young girls (8-11ish) shopping with their mom, and the girls were voluntarily checking he nutritional information on the back of items, taking note of the calories, checking the ingredients, and then I heard one of them say “Oh my god, Mom these are soooo bad, and they have trans fats too” and then she slammed the box down on the shelf. I want to take them home and make them my kids. Then take them to my office and make them teach a heating eating class.

Two months until my 10k! Time to beef up my workouts and get my ass in gear! Oh man, its two months until swim suite season also! EEEEK!

Cold...almost...gone....hack hack.

2010-04-05T19:52:00.000-06:00

Well, as you know, I deal with unhealthy tyrants at my work. How do I answer the following question/dig from fatman:

"You are still sick? I thought that you were super healthy women. I guess you eat that crap for nothing. ha ha"

You know, I may stab this guy with a fork one day. But for now I just told him to "Shut up, I am not in the mood".

My "light workout to do when you are sick" tired me out. I bet even fatman himself could have beat me on this workout, and he takes breaks when he walks up the stairs. I think it is best for me to cuddle up on the couch with a girly rom-com and drink a gallon of water. I am going to stay here all night, if you do not hear from me tomorrow please send for help and tell my friends and family I love them.

Still sick.

2010-04-04T17:42:00.002-06:00

This cold is kicking my ass. I have been out of commission for almost a week now, and I fear my first workout. Will I be back to square one? How can I run with this raw throat? I barely have energy to walk up the stairs today. I thought that if you ate healthy, worked out, took your vitamins, and did things like take shots of wheat grass you wouldn’t get sick and catch gross colds that turn your cute little nose into a faucet.

Tomorrow I will just have to take it easy, maybe a walk? I light workout with weights? I will let you know how it goes. I think that I really don’t want to go to work tomorrow, but since I called in sick Wed & Thurs, I should probably go.....maybe.....because there is nothing more fun to do when you are sick then sit in a cubicle surrounded by people you hate while staring at a computer monitor, weeeeee.

DO NOT DRINK YOUR CALORIES

2010-03-31T21:01:00.000-06:00

I have followed this rule since I was a youngin. Usually by only drinking water and Diet Coke (this was before I realized how horrid aspartame is). But now that I am a sicky-sooky-poo, I have been drinking only juice, water, and smoothies, trying to sooth my ridiculous sore throat that feels like I drank a razor blade and vodka cocktail, I am reminded why it is so important to NOT drink your calories.
Everyone’s caloric intake level is different. I am going to use 2000 calorie per day diet to illustrate my point.

Yesterday I drank 1 litre of pure fresh squeezed juice full of vitamin C, some pomegranate juice to up my antioxidant levels, and a berry smoothie mixed with omega and fibre, and ice tea. Do you know how many calories that is? 1500. That is right. 1500 calories that I drank. How many calories do you drink? If you are drinking coffee or tea with sugar, juice, cocktails, let us not forget wine.

So, when you have a full day of digesting nothing more than juice, water, and cold medication, you might become a little loopy. Case in point:

1. I tried to pump soap out of the paper towel dispenser at work

2. I then was waiting for the tap to turn on because I thought it was a motion tap, even though I have been using that same bathroom for 6 months.

3. I was at the pharmacy trying to pick out cold medication, and I was comparing the medical ingredients of the no name brand to the medical ingredients of the brand name one (why? There was a $10 difference, and yes the ingredients were exactly the same) and it took me about 3 minutes before I realized I was reading the French section. Nope, I don’t know French.

4. I took a wrong turn on my way home, A WRONG TURN! I drive home the same way every workday. Wtf?

So now I am curled up on the couch watching a movie. Hopefully my body burns calories off trying to fight this cold.

:(

2010-03-30T19:12:00.000-06:00

I am very sick. I wouldn't be sick if idiots at work would stay home when they are hacking up their lungs. I plan on staying in bed for the next year as I feel like a rocket ship hit me. Unfortunately it is just a cold, and not a stomach flu that would make me lose some weight.

;)

Think again when you have a crap-food-craving

2010-03-28T19:08:00.002-06:00

Do you eat fast food once and a while? A burger and fries from McDonalds perhaps? Well, you might change your mind after you see this:

Does that look a picture of a Happy Meal from 2009 and then a picture of another Happy Meal in 2010? It is. But it is the SAME happy meal. That is right. A blogger on a website called ‘Baby bites’ bought a Happy Meal and put it on her shelf and let it age for one year. So this 2010 photo is the Happy Meals first birthday.

Nasty!

The bun is crustier, the fries look wilted, and the patty is darker, but that is it. The blogger even said that it didn’t smell at all (well, other than the smell of fries the first few days). There is no mold no bugs eating it. Why? Well, even bugs and mold know that there is no nutrient value to the crap. And bugs and mold eat pieces of poop for Christ’s sakes! They like poop more than Happy Meals. Happy Poop.

Tidbits

2010-03-24T20:21:00.000-06:00

Ew. One of the radio stations in my city is having a contest and the prize is all you can eat chicken wings for a year.

Roll up the rim to win makes me want to buy more coffee, I find myself buying multiple Tim Horton’s coffee when it is roll up time, but NONE when it isn’t. Um, does this mean I have a gambling problem?

I do however keep winning....donuts. FML.

Oh yeah. So I did my measurements last night.

Then I tried to jump in front of a Mac Truck.

I lost inches of my boobs and butt but none off of the tummy. Damn it! No you are not allowed to know my measurements or how much I weigh. When I am at my skinny weight, then and only then are you allowed to know.

When does running turn into jogging?

2010-03-23T22:09:00.000-06:00

Alright, today’s run went much better, 5k again. But, can I count it as 5k if I stopped once to down some water and once to put my jacket back on?

So, today on my running journey, I decided to go running in a different area where I usually don’t go as it is really hilly and I am a big baby. I took a wrong turn on the running paths and came to a dead end (why would a path just end abruptly? Weird!) so I had to turn around, and when I did I saw a man running towards me, and I knew that we were going to hit the fork in the path at the same time and therefore be running side by side. Great.

Of course he decides to start talking to me. Talking effortlessly, while I am dying for air, and clearly he is slowing down to keep up with my turtle ass, obviously he is a seasoned runner as he is wearing running gloves (who wears those?).

“So do you live around here?” says pro runner boy

Are you kidding me?

“uh (pant pant) yes, I live over there” and motion to an area to my right, then look up and realize I live nowhere near where I just motioned. Whatever.

“I live over in blah blah blah, I don’t run here every day blah blah blah, do you run here every day? Blah blah blaaabity blah new home construction blah blah blah”

Shut up please shut up please don’t make me talk anymore

I intentionally slow down a little more, AND. HE. SLOWS. DOWN. Gawd! Thankfully there is a turn coming up, I try to judge which way glove runner is going to go and I opt to sneak right at the last minute, yesssss I am free to pant and puff on my own.

Are you kidding me? This is another dead end. I am never running over here again.

Day 123 Crappy workout day

2010-03-22T20:59:00.002-06:00

Did you ever have a day where you literally just couldn’t work out? Your body hates you and doesn’t want to move, your brain wants to shut down, and your lungs no longer know how to inhale properly? This happened to me yesterday; I tried to go for a run but I struggled the whole time and I had to STOP after only two kilometres. WTF? How does this happen one day and another day you can run 5k with no problems? Why is it that some days its easy to do an ass kicking bootcamp class, but others it’s a struggle to do a push up? Does my body hate me?
Yes, my body does hate me. Why? Because it holds onto too much fat, when it does decide to let some fat globules go, it lets them leave my boobs first and my ass last. It also loves to lie around and be warm and eat and eat and eat. Stupid body.

So remember my little computer virus? Remember how you are supposed to ‘back up’ all your work? Even after that episode of Sex and the City where Carrie lost all her work? Oh, and even after my last laptop crashed and I actually did lose a tonne of work. You would think I would learn to back that shit up (my work, not my ass).

But alas, I am still an idiot and lost yet more work, and within that lost work? My gawd awful video where I did the whole measurement thing. Now I have to do it again. KILL ME!!! So cruel! I have to yet again measure my bust, waist, love-handles, hips.....excuse me, I need to go throw up. How un-fun and uncomfortable it is to do such nonsense. So my body and I have a very painful date tomorrow, one that I am not looking forward too.

Stupid Body!

Which will soon be a smoking hot body, right?

Skinny minny here I come....maybe?

2010-03-18T22:21:00.000-06:00

I purged my fat clothes (well, my clothes that are one size to big) so now I can’t gain any weight back or I will have to walk around naked (and we all know how I feel about nakedness, I was so one of those kids who swam with a T-shirt over her bathing suit).

I threw out (donated) one whole garbage bag. Go me! Can I write that off as a charitable donation?

I now fit into some pants that I had saved in the closet for when I am skinny again, and some of them fit which made me scream out loud, and my BF yelled “what’s wrong” and I yelled back “my skinny jeans fit” and he said “What? Jewellery in your shit?” and I laughed so hard I popped the button off my jeans....so I have to lose a few more pounds clearly! I no longer like the style of said jeans, which really shows how long it has been since I fit into them. Sigh.

So now I have to buy new pants, but I hate shopping for clothes, it depresses me, and I hate those changing rooms where they don’t have mirrors in the change room, and you have to come out to see the mirrors and then the sales ladies are all up in your grill about how fabulous you look, but really you look like gelatines mess. What a nightmare.

Cheap organic please!

2010-03-17T20:44:00.000-06:00

So most people out there (as in the general public that most of us hate) are not as smart and educated like us Fit Bitches. They still eat their breakfast--if they eat breakfast at all (no a cup of coffee doesn’t count) as if they are a fourth grader from the 80s, you know what I am talking about: pop tarts, corn pops, white toast smeared with cheese whiz. The sad thing is that these people are clearly the majority, and majority rules. This is why there is so much crap on our grocer’s shelves, and there is one measly aisle (about 5% of the whole store) that is SOMEWHAT catered towards our needs.

We need more people to choose healthier options; the more people that chose to buy proper whole natural good for you food, the more aisles it will take up in the grocery store. YAY! There is a whole aisle for JUST chips for crying out loud. Chips get their own aisle! My goodness!

Mmmmmm chips. I mean, BAD! BAD CHIPS!

Think about 20 years ago, did you even know the word organic? I didn’t even know boneless skinless chicken breast even existed then. 10 years ago I thought that saltine crackers where good to eat, in fact I thought all crackers where good to eat, as they were crackers, and crackers are healthy, ya right, so are muffins and bagels!
Even 5 measly years ago, the selection of healthy food was no where nears as easy to come by as it is today. Just think how much easier it is going to get! If we all make better choices now, we can get there sooner.

You know how we look at our grandparents and say “OMG, you had roast beef and gravy with butter dosed mashed potatoes for supper 3 times a week?” Well, our grandkids will say “OMG, you used to eat food made with hydrogenated oil? Ha Ha Ha, did your elementary school have “hot dog Fridays” too?

Yes, for $1 we got a hot dog and a can of orange pop, then we went out and played baseball with no helmets and swung on swings that were made with finger jamming chains and if we fell we landed on crushed gravel.

Times change, let’s help our food change quicker.

Run Fit Bitch Run

2010-03-16T20:44:00.000-06:00

I give up on dumdum girl. Today she asked what sodium is, clearly she is beyond help.

As you may remember, one of my New Year’s Resolutions (other to morph into a super fit sex pot) was to run a 10K. Well, I am currently up to 5K runs, and I want to die when I am on the K 4, so I have a lot of training to do.

I was running in my adorable suburb, and I was approaching this couple walking in the same direction, they both moved over to the side when they heard me coming. When I passed them, I said “thank you” (by said I mean panted) and they didn’t say thank you. Instead I heard them snicker and laugh at me :(

Why would someone do this? Was it my jiggle ass? My sunglasses used as a hair band? Was I running slower than they were walking? Did I fart while I was running by? It certainly wasn’t my super awesome running jacket. I really wanted to turn around and tell Mrs. Too tanned and too bleached blonde and too tight jean wearing beyotch to shove it, but her boyfriend looked like he was a gang member who would cut me, so I just ran faster away from them hoping that they both trip, fall, and chip their front teeth beyond repair.

I was now approaching another couple, two boys....about 10 years old. They were dilly-dallying in front of me, when they heard me coming they moved out of my way and one of them told me I was doing a “good job”! AWWWWW how sweet, I wanted to turn around and give him a big hug, but since it is frowned upon to attack little boys, I decided to just say (pant) thank you.

Now, I am home with sore legs as I didn’t stretch my hip flexors or quads properly. Sigh, when will I learn?

Did you know that there are naked runs held all over the world? You couldn’t PAY me enough to be naked in front of people, let alone be sweaty and have all my business jiggling around for all to see. Mmrrph, sorry I just threw up in my mouth!

I wish I had their brazenness:

Yay my pc is fixed!

2010-03-15T22:36:00.001-06:00

I heard the funniest story in the lunch room the other day, it was all I could do to NOT yell out “OMG I AM PUTTING THAT IN MY BLOG AS SOON AS I GET HOME” but then I would blow my fit bitch cover and would no longer be able to secretly bitch about the goings on in my crap job.

So, a lady at my work said that her daughter (who works as a nurse) brought a bologna sandwich on white bread (I know right?) to work, and one of the other nurses said to her “you know, you can really tell a person’s class by the type of lunch they bring.”

Pfffft BAA HA HA. Now, I know that is a bitchy thing to say to someone, but come on! That is funny!

So of course we spent the rest of the lunch hour sizing up and joking about each other’s lunch and to my happy surprise, Smokey McGee said to me “hey, can I ask you healthy questions?” I almost peed my pants in anticipation waiting for her to ask me about whole grains, or sufficient protein, or how many calories are in her deep fried chicken wings, eeeek what what?? ASK ME!!!

“Is bologna healthy?”

Yes, that is why we are all here making fun of it and the reason you see so many people eating it, fat, nitrates, and sodium in mass quantities are good for you.

Luckily I didn’t have to provide an hour long answer as the lady next to me (one of the two other people in my office that don’t eat like a ravenous lion with Prader-Willi syndrome) provided a simpler answer: “No, it isn’t”

She must have noticed the blank stare on my face and the whirlwind of possible smart ass answers going through my brain.

So, back to the ‘class’ statement, this does hold some truth, of course most people would never point this out, especially when said low-class-lunch-holder is in the room. I remember my own mom feeding us bologna sandwiches back in the day. I could probably look around the lunch room table at my elementary school and see the same bologna and cheese slice sandwich in at least 4 other grubby hands. But nowadays, one should know better. Even if bologna was my absolute favourite food, I would never eat it in public!

I wonder if she will ever bring a bologna sandwich to work again? I am pretty sure no one at my office will (thank goodness).

Happy Day

2010-03-11T20:53:00.003-07:00

Today for our morning meeting at work, they supplied donuts. Donuts. That I don't eat, and clearly poor gluten intolerance boy cannot eat. We asked for a fruit tray instead, and they said no, because a fruit tray is too messy. How rude! We can't be healthy because some fruit juice may land on the boardroom table. Sticky frosting however, is OK. What a bunch of assholes.

This annoys me more than the woman who colour coordinates her socks with her tops, yes, even if they are bright orange, and yes, even if she is wearing sling back heels.

Unfortunately my computer (hello my name is fit bitch and I am a P.C.) is still sick with a virus. Regular post will be back on Monday!

god damnit

2010-03-09T21:58:00.000-07:00

Sigh, I am an idiot and downloaded a virus (not on purpose) to my pc. Stupid Stupid Stupid. I am using a friends pc now, sooooo I will have to blog tomorrow, providing my pc is fixed.

Stupid technology!

Upgrade to this website in the works!

2010-03-08T20:10:00.000-07:00

I will soon have a “product review page” and this will have my personal reviews of different things I have tried, books read, and just my candid thoughts on them. I am posting one of the reviews today as I was asked what I think of the book “French Women don’t get fat”.

This book is a French woman bragging about how France is better than America and why French women are better. She loves France so much, but lives in America, works in America, and I believe married an American? Basically the book just cites the differences between the French and Americans and although it is interesting to compare the two cultures, it isn’t a diet book.

Her main point is that the culture of eating food and dieting is just different from the way North America Works. In France (and not just France, many other countries are the same) it isn’t uncommon for one to spend more money and buy better quality fresh food (think of all the markets in the streets). It isn’t normal for them (and other European countries) to sit at McDonalds a few times a week, go through drive-throughs, eat mass produced transfaty products that have a shelf life of 15 years. They eat more for pleasure and to actually enjoy and savour their food and the company they are with. Not rush through a burger and fries and a supersize coke because they can get all that food for $6.

This isn’t to say there are no fat people in France, just a smaller percentage then you would find in America. France has an obesity rate of about 10%. America has about 30% so when you are comparing France to America....huge difference. But France share the same obesity rate as quiet a few other countries. Japan’s obesity rate? 3%. Canada: 14%.

These stats are from 2005 http://www.nationmaster.com/graph/hea_obe-health-obesity
These opinions are my own.

Good internet

2010-03-04T19:06:00.002-07:00

I was curious to see what most people thought of sugar hiding in all their products and what people actually know about sugar. So, I conducted an extensive internet investigation (um, I used Google) to see what I could find, these results make me feel really smart:

1. People think brown sugar is healthier than white sugar
2. People don’t know that sugar comes in a billion other forms
3. People are surprised that sugar is in packaged vegetables
4. People are clueless that sugar is in salad dressing, sauces, etc...
5. The internet told me that 76% of the sugar people consume is ‘hidden’ sugar

My goodness the internet is smart! But the internet also showed me the “Cookie Diet” and that is just balls out stupid.

Now, us fit bitches know that sugar is in everything. Right? Yes you know this as I complain about it 18 times a day. HOWEVER, IF we need to sweeten something, what can we use? Natural sweetners are better than fake ones right? If I went and sucked on a fresh cut sugar cane (which I actually got to do once in the Dominican-so yummy) that can’t be as bad for me as eating white granulated over processed table sugar...can it?

Pure maple syrup, honey, stevia, agave nectar, sucanat, pure sugar cane juice...are these better for me? I mean, they aren’t processed, and I am all about eating whole natural food right? Natural complex sugars, the kind found in fruits take longer for your body to break down and digest, just like whole complex grains, and are considered better for you then simple sugars (just like complex carbs are better than the simple carbs).

I would have to argue that Stevia isn’t processed though, I mean...it starts out as a green leaf and then it is a white powder, clearly some processing happens to turn it that way or did it naturally change like Michael Jackson? Soy milk comes from a little green bean, so processing is fine...but over processing isn’t? God, no wonder people are confused and think that brown sugar is healthy and it’s OK to pour it on their oatmeal.

However, all these natural sugars are still sugar. Sugar that morphs into carbs which morphs into fat if you don’t burn it off with some exercise. Sugar that contains calories, albeit natural calories, people will still choose the fake chemical sweeteners over natural, why? They have no calories. None. Nowadays people are used to consuming chemicals. They think if it is sold in stores and not regulated (like cigarettes or alcohols) then it is fine and dandy to eat. How can aspartame be bad? It is in everything?

Did you know heroin was once available over the counter? Heroin is made from a little poppy flower, which is natural, so heroin is good?

So really I am back to square one, and I didn’t learn anything different.

Eat healthy natural food, watch your portions and don’t OD on calories, make sure to work out, OK internet, I got it!